This Is Why You Feel So Angry After The Split With Your Narcissist
“How can I be reasonable? To me our love was everything and you were my whole life. It is not very pleasant to realize that to you it was only an episode.”― W. Somerset Maugham
The anger that you feel after leaving your narcissist is normal. To give of ourselves, entirely to someone, and to only have them throw you away as if you were NOTHING, is crushing.
It can be a devastating feeling to know that EVERYTHING you did for them meant NOTHING!
The reason moving on and feeing so angry after a split with a narcissist are numerous. It is NOT only because we may have had so much love for them.
If you are questioning yourself about the overwhelming hatred you have for the narcissist that has infected your life, then continue to read on.
I will not only offer reasons as to why you are so angry and full of rage, but I will also give you remedies to use to help dimish that negative, nasty feeling.
Seeking revenge on them is WHAT THEY WANT. Narcissists feed on drama and chaos.
Don’t feed the beast with your hatred.
Time That Has Been Lost: This Is Why You Feel So Angry After The Split With Your Narcissist
For many of us, the time that we were with the narcissists feels like time that we wasted. It feels like the time spent with the were stolen from us.
One of the main reasons as to why so many people “stay with them (the narcissist)” is because we feel like we have “invested some much time with them.”
Because we have invested so much time with them, leaving and getting NOTHING from the relationship doesn’t seem fair. Narcs know this, this is why they make divorcing them AFTER WE HAVE LEFT SO DIFFICULT.
Leaving them after spending years, and even decades can make many of us feel like we were stupid for staying.
So when the split does happen, and they walk away unfazed it is very damaging! We feel like we are worthless, we feel stupid for staying so long, and we feel like they stole a part of us.
In a sense, the last part is very real. They do take a part of us. The narcissists took our time and had that part of our entirety if life, away from us.
And that is very reasonable to get upset about.
The time we spend NOW ruminating and thinking about how we can get back at them and get our revenge on them only robs ourselves of ourselves.
When we keep thinking about what they took from us, we still give them ourselves.
The best way to get back the time that you lost with the narcissist is to focus on the time you have left.
Every second you ruminate over them only feeds their egos.
Moving on and being happy, in spite of what they did to you, is a huge middle finger to their face.
You Feel Like You Are Worthless
After a breakup with a narcissist, many of us feel like we are worthless or not good enough. This is especially true when the narcissist in our lives hooks up with someone new; RIGHT AWAY!
The narcissist did not just find this person right after the split. They had been grooming this person for weeks or months before their big split with you.
The reason that they did this was JUST TO HURT YOU EVEN MORE.
It can be frustrating to be thrown away like trash for someone the narcissist is making out to be their soulmate.
But for the narcissists, everything they do is just for show. The happy new pictures on social media with their new “lover” is just to make you angry. Them telling people around town how happy they are with their new “lover” is just to try and hurt you more.
By watching them and listening to the onlookers and bystanders you only make the narcissist happy.
You must develop enough emotional strength to not care and focus on you.
Block them on social media, block them on your phone, and when one of their flying monkeys come along telling you how “GOOD THEY ARE DOING,” smile and tell them that is fantastic news.
By you not caring and learning to force yourself not to care…you will crush their ego.
To them, you not caring they moved on is a massive blow to their ego. It shows the narcissist how unimportant they are.
Why You Feel So Angry: You Hate Yourself
“Stupid. I was so stupid for staying. I saw the signs but I stayed. And I heard the rumors but I ignored them. So stupid. I deserve this..shame.”
For many of us, the anger we have is not only directed toward the narcissists, but a massive amount of hatred is directed back at ourselves. We have an enormous amount of contempt for ourselves for being used, manipulated, mistreated, lied to, smeared against, character assassinated, and just having a portion of our lives vandalized.
Damn, I know…GOD…Trust me, I know.
“I should have said this.”
“I should have done that.”
“God…why do I let people do this to me?”
Narcissists behave the way they do because they have been hurt at some moment in time. And their hurt could have been as small as a kid taking their apple juice box back in kindergarten and they never got over it.
The harms they do is a reflection of what they are scared others will do.
In their warped one-tracked mind they believe, “if I don’t treat you like badly, you will treat me badly.“
You have to know they harm others because they have been harmed in life. And in their weak minds, if they can harm some else it will take away the harms that LIFE has inflicted on them (as if they are the only one’s life has harmed).
By moving on and becoming MASSIVELY SUCCESSFUL, you reveal to them how weak THEY ARE.
You show them that THEY were the ones holding you back.
You show them that life is so much better WITHOUT THEM IN IT.
And you show them, you are not broken like them.
No Shame In Therapy
Narcissistic people can do a wonder on someone’s mind and psychology.
In fact, I wrote an article called “10+ Mental Illnesses Caused By Staying With A Narcissists“.
The narcissists and their legion of fools can slowly drive you insane. And sometimes the best help you can ever receive is from a stranger.
When everyone around you is trying to convince you that YOU are the bad person, sometimes an objective view of you from someone you don’t know maybe what saves you from drowning in the sea of insanity the narc and their legion of fools try and drown you in.
Therapy can help heal in ways that reading blogs, listening to videos, and talking with other WARRIORS (we are not survivors, we are warriors) can ever do.
Join my Facebook Fan Page “No Shame In Therapy” to get a 20% discount on your first-month session, as well as articles and updates on the benefits of therapy.
Narcs have a legion of fools behind them to hurt you, I think it would be a good thing to build your own army of warriors and allies to help stand by your side.