Ten Step Guide To Being Miserable
We all are familiar with the saying “misery loves company.” Ever wonder why misery is the life of the party that sucks all the joy, happiness, and liveliness out of people?
It’s because misery knows how to spread itself around. And because of this, it is never alone, and it never is forced to look itself in the face.
How amazing is that, right?
To never have to sit down with yourself and point out your flaws and…scoff…fix them.
Who does stupid things like that, right?
I’ll tell you.
Only successful and happy people do that.
Successful and happy people are only focused on being successful in life, having a close-knit of friends, having a loving family that supports them, being their own bosses, and living a life that most people would envy.
These people are such happy fools.
Am I right?
Of course, I’m right.
It is better to be miserable, especially after you have just left a narcissist.
Why move on in life when you can forever be a victim (Check out this article “Victim Mentality: The Only Way To Heal“) and live the remainder of this life out in a miserable state.
We all know that history speaks of the guy who got cheated on by his girlfriend and that history loves the cowardly, timid, and love-seeking woman.
- 1 The Ten Step Guide To Being Miserable: Misery Is So Much Fun!
- 1.1 Step 1: Ruminate Over The Wrongs Others Have Done To You
- 1.2 Step 2: Start Getting Out Of Shape
- 1.3 Step 3: Play Sad Depressing Songs ALL THE TIME
- 1.4 Step 4: Stalk The Person Who Made You Miserable
- 1.5 Step 5: Talk About How Wronged You Were To Everyone You Come Across
- 1.6 Step 6: Constantly Tell Yourself How Much Of A Loser You Are
- 1.7 Step 7: Do Not Forgive Yourself
- 1.8 Step 8: Greet The Day With Anxiety
- 1.9 Step 9: Green Tea? How About Strong Alcohol To Start Your Day Off
- 1.10 Step 10: Stop Using Your Medication
- 1.11 The Ten Step Guide To Feeling Miserable
- 1.12 THIS IS A SPOOF: Ten Step Guide To Being Miserable
Ten Step Guide To Being Miserable
“Alexander the WHO?”
Not the great.
Greatness is being a miserable sack of sadness.
DAMN, THAT IS SEXY.
“Alexander The great” ain’t got shit on a dude wallowing around in a pool of self-pity.
And fellas, nothing is more attractive than a broken woman.
You guys know what I am talking about, right?
Eazay for the pickin!
In this article, I want to go over the Ten Step Guide to being miserable in life.
I guarantee you, by the end of this guide, if you don’t feel like less of a human being, more depressed with your life, and if you aren’t feeling 100% miserable…then I did something wrong.
So, are you ready?
Are you ready to remove any hope that you have glimmering left in you? Do you want to snuff out that small beacon of hope?
If so, read on and sink into nihilism.
Do you want to be depressed? Feel like crap? Do you want to stay miserable?
Say it with me.
The Ten Step Guide To Being Miserable: Misery Is So Much Fun!
Step 1: Ruminate Over The Wrongs Others Have Done To You
Ah, rumination! Nothing beats rumination.
Replaying all those negative events over and over again.
In the first step in our Ten-Step Guide, you will need to pump yourself up with negativity.
Hey! Don’t worry this is legal. You aren’t competing in a professional sport here.
So the first thing you will need to do, to pump up your misery, is to ruminate on things that hurt you and on things that make you feel worthless.
This will be the fuel you will need to continue to sabotage your happiness and set yourself up for more failure, uneasiness, and maybe even severe depression.
Are you excited about all the misery that is going to come?
Well, you haven’t seen anything yet.
We still have 9 more steps to go.
Step 2: Start Getting Out Of Shape
Why look good? Why be healthy? And why think you deserve to be desired by others?
Get these foolish thoughts out of that silly brain of yours.
Get so out of shape that when you walk by a mirror you shiver and repulse in shame at how you let yourself go.
This is a key step in really developing that miserable state of living.
If you hate yourself internally and really want to hate yourself more then try this diet, it will make you hate your external look to go along with the hatred you have for your internal look.
This strict diet you will need to follow will be tough.
But stick with it and you will be able to get one of those driving carts to move around due to no longer be able to support your own weight.
What you need to eat is:
- Bacon (EAT AS MUCH AS YOU CAN! And hell, you don’t even have to cook it. Just cram it all in your mouth.)
- Protein Shake? – Yeah right, more like a MILKSHAKE. Am I right? Who needs a protein shake when you have a fatty unhealthy milkshake, right? “We ain’t trying to get swole. We are trying to get fat.”
- Fries – Kidney stones? Please, more like stones of champions. Am I right?
- Ice cream
Anything that is processed make sure to eat a lot of it.
And the icing on this already amazing diet is that you don’t even need to exercise. Hell, you don’t even need to get out of your bed. Which will really help increase the misery.
Step 3: Play Sad Depressing Songs ALL THE TIME
Hey, you will need some motivation to stay unhappy. Kick that “uplifting music” out of here and start listening to songs that remind you of the person who made you feel like crap.
Find a song that MAKES you feel depressed.
Live in the melodrama and allow yourself to always be the victim.
Heroes are not miserable.
Only victims are.
And if you want to be miserable keep playing and being a victim of the past.
If you keep waiting long enough, someone will come along and save you from yourself.
Well, at least that is a possibility.
But even if not…who cares.
Step 4: Stalk The Person Who Made You Miserable
The best way to keep the flames of misery burning is by stalking the person who made you miserable. That will really keep those feelings you have and thoughts you have burning.
The fact that they did you wrong and moved on so quickly will really make your “worthlessness” that much profound.
Just seeing them happy will make you feel like you are not good enough.
And the stalking, well that will make you even crazier and look crazy.
They can even use that stalking against you.
And how beneficial is that for THEM.
Step 5: Talk About How Wronged You Were To Everyone You Come Across
Learn to play the violin or download a sad violin song.
Bring up your past every chance that you get.
If someone talks about politics; bring up your negative past.
When someone talks about the new latest movie that is out; talk about your past.
If someone is listening to a happy cheerful song; bring up your past.
When someone takes a shit; bring up your past.
If someone you want to talk to about your past is sleep; wake them up out of their slumber and talk about your past.
Why move the hell on to a new brighter future, when you can remain in the old, cold, dark past.
We get only one life, why the hell live it, right?
Who needs to elevate and be happy when you can stay stuck in a low state of misery?
Step 6: Constantly Tell Yourself How Much Of A Loser You Are
Please, only idiots tell themselves empowering things. The best thing you can do is to tell yourself over and over how stupid you were for daring to make a mistake.
We are all supposed to be perfect in life. We don’t have the right to make mistakes.
As human beings, with limited understanding in an unlimited reality of possibilities, making a mistake is unheard of.
If you made a mistake, misread someone’s actions, dared to forgive scumbags, and just overlooked certain actions YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.
AND YOU SHOULD BE MISERABLE.
Feel miserable about yourself because YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS EVER MADE POOR DECISIONS.
YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS DARED TO ALLOW LOVE TO BLIND YOU.
AND YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS BEEN TAKEN FOR A RIDE AND MADE A FOOL.
So feel 1000% shameful for not knowing, seeing, and understanding the complexity of reality and people that are in it.
Continue to beat yourself up for being human. That will surely keep you miserable.
Did I mention that you should also tell yourself how stupid you are?
Remember to keep telling yourself you are stupid.
Okay?! You big stupid dummy head.
Step 7: Do Not Forgive Yourself
One of the best ways to continue to torture yourself into feeling miserable is by not forgiving yourself.
By not forgiving yourself you can always feel that shame, humiliation, anger, and misery.
Self-forgiveness will free you from this torture.
By not forgiving yourself you will always remain in a torturous state of feeling miserable.
Step 8: Greet The Day With Anxiety
Who needs a powerful morning ritual?
The only way to start your day off is by feeling miserable. It is not waking up early and capturing hold of your day. Wake up any time you want.
Only idiots wake up early to crush their day and take hold of their lives.
Miserable people don’t control their days. They let the days control them.
Step 9: Green Tea? How About Strong Alcohol To Start Your Day Off
When you wake up, go straight to the bottle.
Forget peeing or stretching.
Make sure you have that bottle right next to you, so you can feel so numb to the day you will experience.
Hey, if you don’t have to think too hard, you won’t have to find a way out of your miserable state.
See, I am giving you nothing but golden nuggets of information here.
Use them wisely, grasshoppers!
Step 10: Stop Using Your Medication
Throw away your pills that are keeping you even.
What do doctors, psychologists, therapists, and other mental PROFESSIONALS know?
That’s what they know.
Am I right?
Sure, I am right.
Throw those pills down the drain and embrace being unhinged.
Ride the roller coaster ride of misery down into the lowest pits of existence.
The Ten Step Guide To Feeling Miserable
Are you excited?
If so, then you read this guide wrong.
You need and should feel like crap.
If you are happy READ THIS OVER AGAIN you big stupid dummy head.
And if you have read it and are more miserable now than before, share it.
Share the misery.
Why sit in your misery alone?
You know it doesn’t like to be alone.
Because misery loves company.
Long live a miserable life.
THIS IS A SPOOF: Ten Step Guide To Being Miserable
Listen, this is a spoof article.
There is NOTHING good about feelings and being miserable.
We are human.
Make ignorant decisions.
Cause pain to others and ourselves.
We go through life with no manuscript on how to live it.
Misery does nothing but takes from you/us the gift of not only life but the gift that is you/us.
When you feel misery, you rob not only the world of your greatness (because you are), but you rob yourself of your greatness.
There is nothing great about wasting your potential.
There is nothing great about wallowing around in the past.
And there is nothing great about being miserable.
I promise you, you are not the only one who regrets being with certain people.
I promise you, that you are not the only one who has made foolish mistakes.
And I promise you, that you are not the only one who feels so miserable about your life’s decisions.
But you can change that around.
Check out my “100 Ways To let Go and Move On” article.
We get one life to live. live it while you can.
Be happy and successful with your ONE life.