The Choice: Imprisonment Or Freedom
Written By: Ralph Greco, Jr.
The very fact that you are in it, means you are allowing it.
Akin to standing before a group of people with their chairs pulled into a circle around you and saying, “My name is___and I am a victim of a narcissist,” coming to first the conclusion, then the admission that I was in an abusive romance with a class-A narcissist was the first and hardest step to getting out of that romance.
Admitting complicity was so demoralizing, I had kept myself locked and loaded in a prison of my own making to avoid the truth; in the end, I had nobody else to blame but me for where I was and who I was with.
Any of us in this kind of relationship knows fully well the trouble we’ve been in, but to keep even a modicum of self-respect, we avoid thinking about where we are and what we have allowed.
We come to as much hate the accommodations we continually make, as seeing our friends and family lose respect for us as they witness our consistent acquiescence.
Over time, the resentment that grows within yourself, at yourself, will far outweigh any anger you’ll ever muster over the narcissist as you enact a silent self-flagellation of a specific and acute dose.
The best one to beat here is always you.
The Choice: Imprisonment Or Freedom
But why did I put myself here?
What was I looking for?
Had I always wanted to be the partner of the “all-about-me-about-the-time” lover?
I can say with certainty that selfishness was not something I ever saw in either of my parents.
I had supportive, fun-loving, inspiring, and inspired people around me; why would I go forth and seek a narcissist for my partner? Really, who in their right mind would sign-up for this kind of abuse? What had I done in my slightly ribald past to warrant this kind of treatment?
The answers to these questions, or just figuring through one of them, could fill a whole book, and I was not, as yet, self-aware enough to take the deep dive that was needed to give myself even a hint of relief.
I’d get there, and in the end, break up with my partner, but that would take time.
In the end, the one simple answer was…I stayed because I wanted to. It was more important, at the time, to be in a relationship with my narcissist than not.
My need to have them in my life far outweighed the pain they brought me.
But as beaten down by their needs as I was, I was fighting just to keep my chin above the surface; I really didn’t have time for me.
None of this, though, gets me off the hook. I did this to myself. My own personal emasculating (and no man is emasculated unless he allows it…another truth I didn’t much want to accept), passive-aggressive, a wounded warrior was allowed to breed, latch-on and invade my life for as long as they did because I allowed it.
But I also could, and did, allow myself to break free.
Have A Story To Tell?
If you have a story to tell, feel free to contact me here. Your story of how you escaped can be the blueprint for other people!
Struggling With C-PTSD?
I often say that living with a narcissist is like living in a war zone! This comparison may very well seem hyperbolic, but research has shown that living around narcissists can have the same effects on a person’s mind as people living in a war zone!
I wrote an article describing the “10+ Mental Illnesses Caused By Staying With Narcissists“.
These people are monsters, plain and simple.
If you are struggling with emotional flashbacks, dealing with mental and emotional battles that NO ONE but yourself seems to see and feel, and if you find it hard to get out of bed every day, you may be dealing with C-PTSD.
As great as support groups may be, or as profound as articles can be, they are no substitute for professional help.
Sometimes the best way to heal and move forward is with therapy.
Speaking with someone and getting the hurt off your chest is a great way to unload.
Online Therapy is a site that offers visitors the chance to speak with professional therapists who will be able to help you get through your emotional and psychological battles.
If you sign up with my link, you can get 20% off your first month’s session.