The Anchor: The Narcissist’s Sneaky Little Tool To Keep You In Their Lives

The Anchor: The Narcissist’s Sneaky Little Tool To Keep You In Their Lives

The Anchor: The Narcissist’s Sneaky Little Tool To Keep You In Their Lives

“If you want your ship of life to leave the port of insanity…be willing to remove the anchor from the ship.” Xavier Ludwig

Narcissistic people are indeed a disgusting lot of people. I say this not to denigrate but to reveal what they so desperately try to hide and conceal from the world.

Narcissistic people and I have come to realize this the more I research them, have a MASSIVE INFERIORITY COMPLEX.

This is why they are so rude, insensitive, spiteful, vengeful, hate-filled, and manipulative.

Without a doubt, gaslighting is one of their favorite tactics to use against their victims in their lives.

If they can make people doubt who they are, then those people will be easily controlled by the narcissist.

Narcissistic people wear a mask because they know if people saw who they are, they wouldn’t want to be around them.

This is precisely why they place anchors in their victims’ lives so that they will always be stuck with the narcissist.

These people are MASSIVE LOSERS.

So, you may be wondering what is “The Anchor.”

Allow me to explain.

Disclaimer: This article includes affiliate links!

What Is The Anchor?

anchor, chain, nautical

The anchors that narcissistic people use to keep you in their pathetic low-life lives are:

  • friends (flying monkeys who are 1000% dedicated to their narc master)
  • co-workers (people whom you must work with on an everyday basis)
  • associates (people you may need to meet and see regularly and have a somewhat courteous and friendly relationship)

Now, these anchors sometimes are unaware of what they are to the narc, especially the kids.

These people act as chains to forever keep you/us in the narc’s lives. The narcissists place these people in your/our lives because they know that their mask is going to slip off sooner or later, and people will see them for who they indeed are.

So what do they (the anchors) do exactly?

The “Friend”

If they are friends (and in this case probably just loyal foolish flying monkeys), they will “hear” about how you guys broke up and separated.

These fools will tell you how much the narc misses you and how much they regret what they did.

They will tell you how much they have changed for the better and hope someday you will be able to forgive them.

Now, notice.

This is the COWARD NARCS way of trying to see if they can still manipulate you. The plea for you forgiving them serves many functions.

One is that if you think they are regretful, you will feel sorry for them and forgive them WITHOUT THEM EVER APOLOGIZING.

Because we all know these people will never apologize or take accountability for their actions.

Another reason for them doing this is because they want to see if you still think about their worthless @sses.

They want to see what you think about them. And they do this through the “friend” (i.e., the foolish slave flying monkey).

Be very careful with a “friend” who always seems to bring up your ex-narc.

They are acting as informants. The narc wants to see if you are hurt, angry, or even still in love with them.

If you run into these losers — and most likely you will because again, the narc PLANTED these fools in your life to act as an anchor to keep you bound to their worthless life — always be upbeat and talk about all the good things that have come your way after separating.

Talk about how much time you have now to focus on your dreams, goals, business, health, or a new relationship.

This is NOT TEASING, but letting the narc and the fool in front of you know how much better life has gotten for you AFTER leaving the narc.

This reaffirms, to the narc, that THEY are the problem, NOT you.

Also, be on the lookout for a glimpse of the gritting of the teeth. That will be a clear sign for you to know that that person you call a “friend” really isn’t a friend and is just an informant.

They feel what their narc master feels.

Understand that narcs have NO LIVES without having a victim in their lives.

These people are disgusting.

The Co-Worker

checklist, check, think about

Whatever god(s) that may be know how many jobs I have been fired from because of working for a covert insecure narc boss or because of groups of foolish flying monkey co-workers.

Often, you do meet that one professional person who comes to work to actually…WORK!

God, can you imagine that.

A person coming to work to “work” and not gossip, chatter around the office, stick their nose in everybody’s business, and so on.

This anchor is strictly for people who HAVE to work a job they hate but NEED.

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Listen, working a job you hate will DESTROY YOU SLOWLY from the inside.

We all need to make a living, but it should not be at the cost of our mental and physical well-being.

But back to the issue.

The “associate” or “coworker” is a person who is truly unaware of the narc and their legion of fools.

And this is because the narc has decided that this person can act more as an anchor than a victim.

They are friendly with this person but will “tolerate” that person’s boundaries.

They won’t respect it, but they will tolerate it because it serves them.

The associate is unaware of the narc’s games, and what they use the associate for is to keep tabs on what you think or feel about a certain issue at work.

They will bring you up in a conversation AFTER you have talked with the associate to see what you were talking about.

These people serve more like information. The more the narc knows about you, the better it is to control you and manipulate you.

When at work, keep it as professional and neutral as possible.

Whenever asked a question, always say that you have no real opinion about it and need some time to think about it.

This serves as disarming the narc and their legion of fools without being hostile or rude.

The Kids

girls, children, kids

This is perhaps the heaviest anchor on this list.

Narcs WANT KIDS with you.

And they want them RIGHT AWAY.

“Oh, we just met last week. Yes, yes, we should have kids despite barely knowing each other.”

Narcs want kids because that will FOREVER keep you bound and anchored to the narc’s worthless life.

God, did I mention how disgusting these people are?

They know that kids are a powerful anchor to keep you in their lives. And they know, especially for guys, that if they want to hurt a guy for whatever lunacy they have concocted in their warped minds, that all they need do is divorce and let the father see their kids WHEN THEY FEEL LIKE IT.

Kids, to them, are the ultimate anchor.

They have almost full control over someone else’s life.

To a narcissist, marriage is not the end goal...divorce is. Click To Tweet

And why is divorce the end goal?

Because if it is a female, she will get:

  • Alimony Checks
  • Be told when the kids can see the father
  • She can also date again
  • The father will most likely have to work two jobs to stay AFLOAT.
  • She will have control over his emotional and mental well-being.
  • To the new lover in her life, the guy will seem like a bad guy or loser. To the kids, “daddy doesn’t love us,” and this leads to them turning against him.

It is not uncommon for a father, to become emotionally distraught, angry, confused, hurt, betrayed, and much more.


Alcohol, for many, becomes their best friend.

And to the narc…this is their goal.



Just because.

How To Heal?

To heal and move on with your life, you have to be willing to let those anchor go. You have to be ready to cut loose the anchors that keep you anchored to the narc’s pathetic life.

For those “friends” that have been planted in your life, cut them loose.

They may have been nice to you, but if they have ties to the narc, they are no good to you.

All they do is REMIND you of the narc.

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There is no good ending in working at a narcissistic workplace.

And lastly, for kids.

This is going to be the hardest thing to do.

But you have to think about this.

Yes, they are your kids.

And I am NOT saying to abandon them.

Write to them when you can.

Send them letters.

Send them video messages of how much you love them and how you wish you could be in their lives.

Make an effort to show them you care.


Also, let the narc know that you are okay with never seeing them again.

What this does to the narc is, it makes them think about what they are doing.

Remember, they use the kids to serve as an anchor.

The kids are nothing to the narc. They are just tools to hurt you.

And why do they want to hurt you?

Because…just because.

There is no reason or logic.

By showing the narc that you can do without the kids, they will do a 180 and start behaving more reasonably.

Once they see that you will not fight, they will start behaving a bit more cordial.

This is all reverse psychology.

The narc wants you angry, upset, desperate, and hurt.

Because when you feel like this, you will keep on thinking about them.

Once you reveal to the narc that you are willing to go off on your own, that will show them how worthless they are.

This is a gamble, however, and I do recommend that you think about this.

But I know from my history, the moment I said I wasn’t going to chase them anymore and that I would cut all ties with everyone for my happiness…that made them do a 180.

The Anchors Are For Their Hold On You

boat, anchor, tropical

To wrap this up!

Imagine you as a ship, and the narc as a rope.

If you want to leave the port of their pathetic lives, their “rope hold” of you would not be strong enough to keep you docked in their lives.

But if they have anchors binding you to their port, it will be a lot harder for you to leave.

Now, if you can unlatch those anchors, whatever they may be, and do so unafraid, unshamed, and UNAPOLOGETICALLY…then you can be free.

The narc uses these anchors to hold you close to their lives because they don’t want to lose you.

The funny thing about narcs is that they pretend NOT to want you in their lives, but they not only want us in their lives, but THEY NEED US in their lives.

This is why they do such batsh*t crazy things.

Be willing to let those anchors go.

It may be hard, but it is much more challenging to stay and try and reason with these nutjobs.

Be willing to let loose those anchors so that you can sail off into a bright new tomorrow.

Struggling With C-PTSD?

I often say that living with a narcissist is like living in a war zone! This comparison may very well seem hyperbolic, but research has shown that living around narcissists can have the same effects on a person’s mind as people living in a war zone!

I wrote an article describing the “10+ Mental Illnesses Caused By Staying With Narcissists“.

These people are monsters, plain and simple.

If you are struggling with emotional flashbacks, dealing with mental and emotional battles that NO ONE but yourself seems to see and feel, and if you find it hard to get out of bed every day, you may be dealing with C-PTSD.

As great as support groups may be, or as profound as articles can be, they are no substitute for professional help. 

Sometimes the best way to heal and move forward is with therapy.

Speaking with someone and getting the hurt off your chest is a great way to unload.

Online Therapy is a site that offers visitors the chance to speak with professional therapists who will be able to help you get through your emotional and psychological battles.

If you sign up with my link, you can get 20% off your first month’s session.

Online Therapy

7 thoughts on “The Anchor: The Narcissist’s Sneaky Little Tool To Keep You In Their Lives

  1. I have a friend who had the ‘audacity’ to start divorce proceedings on her emotionally abusive narc husband (after 17 years of marriage).

    The gates of Hell have been opened & 2 years down the line they are not much further forward due to his constant evasion, blame, delaying tactics & outright lies.

    He has isolated her from friends she has known for 30 years, destroyed her name & reputation & forced her to leave their church where she was in leadership.

    Interestingly, he does everything that he is accusing her of but his half-truths are so convincing that even people she has been discussing her abuse with for more than 10 years have turned a blind-eye. One leader called her a liar when she tried to point out the real situation.

    Make no mistake, narcs are toxic vacuums that suck the life out of their victim before (though not in his case) they move on to their next source of supply.

    They use anything to further their cause & to keep you tied-in to their world. Do not be an unwitting accessory to the misery they cause.

    There are 2 sides to every story. Listen to BOTH. Bear in mind that only the victim will see the narc’s true colours. The narc’s smoke screen & mirrors are so effective you won’t see past them. Don’t be an anchor for someone else’s Hell.


  2. I personally think they want to hurt you because it gives them their win state. They delude themselves into thinking everything is a zero-sum game, and you losing means they simply must be winning. Even worse, you winning makes them feel like they’re losing. So when you end the game and refuse to play it, you are ultimately stopping them feeling like a winner which is why they quickly try to give back everything to start a new game.

  3. The kids are the anchor except I am the woman who was awarded child support. He refuses to pay it. He refuses to write or call except when he isnt too “busy” for them. He rarely sees them. He is in no way a parent. I support these kids alone, the kids we had way too early in our relationship because he wanted to. I have the power to decide when he sees the kids but I never do, I leave it open so he can see them whenever he wants. He chooses not to. Its not always the woman keeping the kids away from the man. That sure is what he tells everyone though, that I keep the kids from him and won’t let him see them or be a parent. Of course they all believe him even though its nothing but a lie to cover up the fact that he abandoned them except for when he feels like pretend parenting to either impress someone new or simply to make it known that I still have to have him in my life until one of us dies just because we have kids. The kids are better off without him fully in their life so I’ve stopped pushing it so much. I used to push it and get so angry when he would go months without contact. Now I see it as a blessing really. They don’t need him. He has made his choices and will still pop up when he wants but someday they will know who he really is. His lies won’t always work on them. They’re smart. I love them, but they are the anchor. I will forever have to have this person in my life until he dies.

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