Sometimes Love Is Not Enough
So for several months, we looked at homes. It was wonderful to have his full attention again, affection again, almost like when we first started dating.
Finally, we found the perfect home. Then came the hook. He asked me to sell my house and put ALL of the money into HIS, without my name on the mortgage, until after we were married.
I told him that the wiser financial thing to do was to rent my house and put the extra income into our new house until we were married.
That was it. He accused me of being uncommitted to the relationship. Said that I didn’t trust him. It was all about him and what he wanted at that time.
There was no compromise, no discussion, no talking…
I was afraid that I would sell my home, move in with him, only to be thrown out and left homeless, that much is true.
But, even so… I offered to pay half of all of the expense of the new home. But that wasn’t good enough. He wanted complete control, I’m sure at this point, it was so that he could inflict the maximum amount of pain and damage on to me. I was already being devalued and had been for years.
When I refused, said “no” and held on to my boundaries and control…he immediately changed toward me. He started drinking heavily, name-calling, unbelievably cruel, talking to women on the phone in front of me, deliberately so I could hear him and then came the big move out. The final discard. Yes, he discarded me, because he had bought his own house and didn’t need anything from me any longer.
For eleven years I gave him security, encouragement, support, money, love, enough to get off drugs, get a good job and buy a new home.
What did I get?
I got dumped.
He closed on the house at the end of November and had a woman he was “friends with” moved in by the first of February.
There is so much more to the story, but the bottom line is…each time I thought he couldn’t possibly inflict any more pain on me; he did.
Even when I knew it was coming and had braced myself for it, it would be something so unpredictable, so bizarre, so cruel, that it threw me off balance again.