Love Cannot Help A Narcissist
Every special occasion, every holiday was miserably sabotaged. Sometimes for absolutely no reason. He would just disappear and reappear days later, with no explanation or warning. I was left to host dinner parties by myself and answer the humiliating questions about his whereabouts. Always covering for him so he wasn’t portrayed badly, as I knew that wouldn’t be tolerated.
For eleven years, I was lied to, cheated on, left for other women, left without money to pay bills and left for dead. He could have cared less about me as a human being.
I can’t tell you how many nights I went without sleep, wondering if he was in jail, or just out drinking, in the hospital, or just having sex with a stranger. Wondering what I did to cause him to “check out”…and abandon me without warning when things were going so well.
I lived in a constant, unpredictable state of being baffled, confused, disoriented, anxious, sad, physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted, and when I tried to discuss it with him, it was always my fault. He blamed me for anything and everything that was wrong with him or me.
Whatever happened, was my fault.
Year after year, I lost more and more of me, by giving more and more to him. In the end, not one single thing that I did for him mattered.
All of the sacrifices, giving, praising, forgiving, respecting, caring, loving unconditionally was for nothing.
The grand finale was when he asked me to help him find the perfect home for us… because he was ready to settle down and commit to our relationship.
He said, “I was the one he wanted to grow old with“.