Silencing the Inner Critic
“In the inner courtroom of my mind, mine is the only judgment that counts.”― Nathaniel Branden
Every day is a struggle to be happy. Every day is a struggle to fight for the present. It is a struggle between “who we were” and “who we become.”
Who we are, is the battlefield to which this battle wages on.
For many of us, the battle moves in the direction of “who we were,” and it is not too hard to see why.
We know who we were.
Those scars, those bruises, those memories of the teasing and laughter are all fuel and ammunition for our past selves to use against us to continually win the day against our future self.
And for this reason, it can be quite the task to see who we can become.
Who we were has a significant impact on how the tide of battle, on a new day, can play out.
Our memories have an annoying ability to remind us of all the bad that we did, along with what we allowed to happen to us.
The mind can be one of the worst enemies we will ever face.
- 1 Silencing the Inner Critic: You Are Good Enough
- 1.1 What Happened Is Not Set In Stone: Stop Trusting Your Memories
- 1.2 Hindsight Is 20/20
- 1.3 You Have The Right To Fail and Make Mistakes: Avoid Shame-shifting
- 1.4 Who You Can Become Is Worth Fighting For
If mastered, if worked with…if CONQUERED, the mind can be our greatest ally in life.
I know many of you who have been hurt by the narcissists, who were used by the narcissist, manipulated, played, and made a fool find it incredibly difficult to move on.
But believe me, the very same thing that is holding you back, is the very same thing that can move you forward.
In this article, I want to show you how you can shift the tides of the battle that you face every morning with yourself.
I want to show you how you can turn the battle waged on the present moment of your life in the direction of a brighter future.
I want to show you how to ally yourself with the person you could become. So that “that person” can then take you to a brighter future.
You don’t need to keep living in the past.
If you are tired of waking up and being beat down by who you were and tired of living in the dark NONEXISTENT past, read on.
We get one chance at life…ONE CHANCE AT LIFE, live it while you can.
The thing I fear the most in life is to die on my deathbed regretting how much time I spent focusing on a person who has no understanding of love or empathy.
But more importantly, I fear to look back regretting being a victim, a captive to my past self.
I refuse, and I hope by the end of this article, you too will refuse, to ever allow your past selves to have dominion over you.
Silencing the Inner Critic: You Are Good Enough
What Happened Is Not Set In Stone: Stop Trusting Your Memories
“Memories are not stored as exact replicas of reality; rather, they are modified and reconstructed during recall.” – Boundless Psychology
What seems to be a significant issue for many of us; are the negative memories.
We look back at the past through the lens of foggy memories and our memories…can hardly ever be trusted.
Before you, huff and puff saying, “I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO ME,” hear me out.
Our memories are not exact replicas of reality. Recalling events has long been known to be a bad case for evidence.
Many of us have an unconscious act of embellishing events.
And this is not too hard to see as many of us perceive the world differently.
Memories, as the video above explains, can be easily distorted because they are bits of information that have been picked at random.
What we think happened may not have happened.
Please, hear me out for a second because I know this is going to anger some people.
They say emotions are blinding.
And this is very true.
When we look at the past through the lens of foggy memories, we see things as worse than they really were.
And this is especially true when we look at ourselves.
Because we now see the narcissist and the things they did to us, with hindsight, we think we were stupid. We look at ourselves in the past through the lens of who we are right now.
Because we have gained new knowledge about the narcissist, we look at the past and think we should have known better.
Hindsight Is 20/20
“I have no desire to suffer twice, in reality, and then in retrospect.”― Sophocles
A few weeks ago I wrote an article titled “You Are Only Human.”
For many of us, we allow the inner critic to beat us down into submission for being human. We forgive everyone else for being shortsighted but don’t have a slither of forgiveness for ourselves.
It is easy to see the narcissist for what they are AFTER the mask has been removed. It is easy to see that we were played AFTER the game has finished.
And it is easy to see the narcissist and their flying monkeys plans to destroy us AFTER the destruction has happened.
Hindsight is 20/20.
But failing to see the desires of others to hurt us WHEN WE ARE HELPING THEM is not foolish.
That is what it means to be human.
Human beings help. Human beings love. And human beings want the best for others.
We live in a world where getting over on people instead of lifting people up, is applauded.
And this is because most people are just stupid.
They will destroy the lives of others AT NO GAIN or COST to their selves.
And this is one way of how I silence my inner critic.
Just knowing that a majority of people out there are stupid and want to destroy lives FOR NO REASON, is reason enough for me not to judge myself too harshly.
Now, I am not sitting on a pedestal, believing myself high and mighty.
I am very ignorant. Not a day goes by where I don’t question HOW MUCH I DON’T KNOW.
But in understanding that the majority of people you come across are just stupid and that stupidity leads them to do destructive things — gives me a bit of healing.
Just knowing that most people are NOT aware of what they do is healing.
Check out this video “The Five Laws Of Stupidity.”
Needlessly destroying a life that is trying to HELP you is an act of a stupid person. And people who stand by and watch (Enablers) or help in destroying a life themselves (Foolish Flying Monkeys) are stupid.
This is not name-calling but a revelatory truth I stumbled upon.
You were not and ARE NOT stupid. We were just naive. And naivete is just a form of ignorance.
You Have The Right To Fail and Make Mistakes: Avoid Shame-shifting
Shame-shifting – is an act where a person who has done something shameful or feels shame will shift that shame onto someone else.
What causes that inner critic of ours to be so loud; is that we have taken on the shame of the abuser.
This is NOT victim shaming.
This is what I call “shame-shifting.”
Narcissists, along with their flying monkeys, will try and shift their shame on to you by making you out to be the villain for leaving them, seeing through them, or for no longer wanting to deal with them because of the wrongs they have done.
Stupid and negative people have a lot of disdain for themselves. They have a lot of shame for who they are. And in their twisted, warped minds, the only way to alleviate that shame is to make someone else feel MORE SHAME.
If they can make YOU look stupid, that will hide the fact they are stupid.
If they can make YOU look like a bad guy that hides the fact that they are a bad guy.
And if they can make YOU feel like you are worthless, that hides the fact that they are worthless.
Avoid these traps.
Ignore the smear campaigns, the gossiping, and the rumors.
While they talk and try and damage your image, focus on building your character.
Focus on becoming your boss. You may have to pay for courses, but is that better than paying with your time and happiness at a place you despise.
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Focus on becoming more successful in life. Try and find a community elsewhere where people are grown adults, not kidults.
Focus on becoming the person you want to be.
Who You Can Become Is Worth Fighting For
“The real battle is within yourself.”― Abhijit Naskar
I continuously remind myself that I am going to die.
Yes, I know, this sounds very morbid.
I tell myself that I am going to die so that I can live this life the way I want.
In just knowing that I only have but so many tomorrows and that I cannot go back and redo my life all over again when I am on my deathbed, gives me the impetus to silence that critic.
I refuse to allow the inner critic to halt my progress in life.
I refuse to allow the inner critic to destroy my happiness.
And I refuse…DEFIANTLY RFUSE…to allow the inner critic to finish the job of the narcissist.
I will love myself UNCONDITIONALLY and UNAPOLOGETICALLY.
I will forgive myself for being human and for NOT understanding the mind of irrational people.
And I will be me, NO MATTER WHAT THE WORLD THINKS OF ME.
My life is for me.
Your life is for you.
And if anyone, including your inner critic, doesn’t like it.
(No filter for this!)
Love yourself. Forgive yourself. And embrace yourself, FULLY.
Silence your inner critic.
Foresight is better than hindsight, but insight is better than either one of them.