Staying in a narcissistic relationship because of the children is something that many people do.
There is a belief in society that children need two parents to have a strong and healthy upbringing.
And although I do NOT argue vehemently against this idea, I would like to play devil’s advocate here in regards to the single-parent household when a narcissist is involved!
I believe that a child being raised with ONE healthy parent can be much better for the child’s psychological and emotional health than to be raised in a household where the parents are always fighting.
Children raised in toxic and dysfunctional homes, later on in life, start to develop many mental disorders.
Mental disorders such as childhood trauma, childhood PTSD, anti-social tendency, and anxiety, to name a few.
Check out my article about dysfunctional parents and their effect on their kids here SIGNS OF DYSFUNCTIONAL PARENTS: THEY AFFECT THEIR KIDS.
Childhood trauma can lead to children developing addictions to alcohol and drugs.
According to the National Institute of Health (NIH), children who grow up in traumatic households have a higher likelihood of developing substance abuse BEFORE the age of 18.
Read the full report here 2019 Guide: the Link Between Childhood Trauma and Addiction in Adulthood.
If you think staying with a narcissistic partner will be best for the child, then take a moment to consider this.
With school shootings, cyberbullying, substance abuse in kids, depression in teens rising, and other mental illnesses on the rise…our kids NEED a household free of drama.
Feel free to give this article a read, if you are wondering if you are really in a narcissistic family.
Hallmark Traits Of A Narcissist
The criteria are:
– grandiose sense of self-importance
– preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
– belief they’re special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions
– need for excessive admiration
– sense of entitlement
-interpersonally exploitative behavior
-lack of empathy
-envy of others or a belief that others are envious of them
-demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudesYahoo Life
Can Bad Parenting Cause Narcissism?
“If mental abuse was a punishable crime, a lot of parents would be in jail serving a long term.”― Maddy MalhotraGoodread
The short answer to this question is YES!
Bad parenting can lead to a myriad of long-term issues, which I will be discussing more in the article.
Can a Narcissist Love Their Child?
“They should love you, just as you are. Parents should love their kids, right?”Goodread
“You’d think so.”
― N.R. Walker
It is very important to know and understand this, the narcissist only loves themselves.
They will love the child, but only if that child makes them look good by proxy.
Do Narcissist Love Their Family?
The only thing they will love is how they can hurt their family, use their family, manipulate their family, and violate their family.
These people are NOT playing with a full deck.
Staying In Narcissistic Relationships Because Of The Children
Many research studies have shown the adverse effects that abuse and neglect have on the brain (links to the reviews in the intro). Abuse and neglect rewire the brain structuring of children.
Childhood trauma can cause emotional damage that can make it very difficult for the child to regulate their emotions. Childhood trauma also has the effect of causing cognitive impairment.
Staying Together Because Of The Baby: Narcissistic Relationships
Staying together because you may be pregnant will be ALL the ingredients that the baby will need to develop the seeds of sociopathic tendencies/ or psychopathic tendencies.
Research has shown that kids as young as two years of age can develop these traits.
Letting your child stay around a narcissist will only help foster those traits in the child that much easier, as children are very suggestible.
Narcissistic Relationships Destroy Lives
“Being a bad parent is a sign of not having learned from experience.”― Mokokoma MokhonoanaGoodread
They are UNAPOLOGETIC!
Narcissists will destroy your life, as well as your child’s life if given the opportunity. Destruction to them is a pleasure, even if that destruction is of their flesh and blood.
These creatures have no idea how to empathize. And this is because they lack empathy. (Read the full article here about Narc’s (people with NPD) having a thinner neocortex than ordinary people.)
Staying together with the Narc can be extremely dangerous for the child’s upbringing and the life of the partner. Domestic violence is rising, and most partners are killed by the very people they were in love with.
If you see that your partner has narcissistic tendencies, you may want to do what you can to leave them. They will destroy your lives and think absolutely nothing of it.
It can be challenging raising a child all by your lonesome.
But raising a kid with a narcissistic partner will damage that kid, but it will also potentially turn that child away from you.
Narcissistic Relationships have a fantastic ability to turn their kids against the other parent who isn’t a narc.
There are many cases where children start to mimic their narc parents and lose respect and LOVE for their empathetic parents.
To raise a kid by yourself is difficult. But to lose your child to a narc (regarding that relationship you can build and them developing into a DECENT HUMAN BEING) is devastating.
How Do You Get Over A Narcissist When You Have A Child Together?
“I assumed he knew that your coach was abusing you. I realized in the limo that he didn’t.”Goodread
For a moment, there is only silence. When Damien speaks, his words are ice cold. “He knew.”― J. Kenner
It is NOT easy raising a child on your own.
I am not here to dispute this.
However, the child’s mental, emotional, psychological, and even spiritual well-being need to remove these toxic people from their life.
A few things you may want to consider doing, and please really consider these, are:
- Changing Cities (This may seem drastic but do not underestimate these people. They will hurt the child JUST TO GET BACK AT YOU. The gamble of them loving your child and NOT hurting them is TOO HIGH!!!)
- Move-In With Relatives/ or very Close Friends
- Become financially independent
- Consider Court (Yes, this can drag on for some time, but during these times of separation, or contemplation of separation, start jotting down notes of all the things they do that are dangerous for your child’s upbringing.)
- Keep Journals and Videos (The narcissist will lash out at you, make sure that you have video footage of all the insane things they will inevitably do ~ Consider getting a personal body cam for yourself)
- Ghost The Heck Out Of Them (Once they are NO LONGER in your life, go off the grid. Be like a rogue spy. Delete all your social media profiles, change your phone numbers, again MOVE CITIES if you can. Start all over without them on your life)
The effects that these people can have on your child’s psychology are numerous and it is in their best interest for them to be as far away from the narcissistic parent as possible.
Feel free to read my previous article, SIGNS OF DYSFUNCTIONAL PARENTS: THEY AFFECT THEIR KIDS.
Check out these articles for more information about raising a kid(s) with a narcissist:
- How to help your children when their other parent is a narcissist
- The Narcissistic Family: A Narcissist, An Exhausted Spouse and Anxious Children
- Why Unloved Daughters Fall for Narcissists
- 7 Ways Narcissists Retaliate Through Children
No Shame In Therapy
Narcissistic people can do a wonder on someone’s mind and psychology.
In fact, I wrote an article called “10+ Mental Illnesses Caused By Staying With A Narcissists“.
I do believe that Therapy can help your child heal and recover if they have been abused by their narcissistic parent.
As much as blogs, youtube channels, and even support groups can ASSIST in helping you and your child to slowly heal, they are no substitute for Therapy.
The narcissists and their legion of fools can slowly drive you insane. And sometimes the best help you can ever receive is from a professional.
When everyone around you is trying to convince you that YOU are the bad person, sometimes an objective view of you from someone you don’t know maybe what saves you from drowning in the sea of insanity the narc and their legion of fools try and drown you in.
Therapy can help heal in ways that reading blogs, listening to videos, and talking with other WARRIORS (we are not survivors, we are warriors) can ever do.
Join my Facebook Fan Page “No Shame In Therapy” to get a 20% discount on your first-month session, as well as articles and updates on the benefits of therapy.
Narcs have a legion of fools behind them to hurt you, I think it would be a good thing to build your own army of warriors and allies to help stand by your side.