Staying in narcissistic relationships because of the children is something that many people do.
There is a belief in society that children need two parents to have a strong and healthy upbringing.
And although I do NOT argue against this idea, I would like to play devil’s advocate here for a moment and question if a single-parent household without a narcissist in it is really a bad thing.
I believe that a child being raised with ONE healthy parent can be much better for the child’s psychological and emotional health than being raised in a household where the parents are always fighting.
Children raised in toxic and dysfunctional homes later on in life start to develop many mental disorders.
Mental disorders include childhood trauma, PTSD, anti-social tendency, and anxiety, to name a few.
Developmental trauma, or Complex PTSD, results from a series of repeated, often ‘invisible’ childhood experiences of maltreatment, abuse, neglect, and situations in which the child has little or no control or any perceived hope to escape. Growing up in an environment full of unpredictability, danger, parental inconsistencies, or emotional abandonment, these individuals are left with ’hidden traumas’ that disrupt not only their psychological but also neurological and emotional development.Eggshell Therapy
(Check out my article about dysfunctional parents and their effect on their kids here. SIGNS OF DYSFUNCTIONAL PARENTS: THEY AFFECT THEIR KIDS.)
Childhood trauma can lead to children developing alcohol, sex, and drug addictions.
According to the National Institute of Health (NIH), children who grow up in traumatic households are more likely to develop substance abuse BEFORE 18.
Read the full report here 2019 Guide: the Link Between Childhood Trauma and Addiction in Adulthood.
If you think staying with a narcissistic partner will be best for the child, then take a moment to consider this.
With school shootings, cyberbullying, substance abuse in kids, depression in teens rising, and other mental illnesses growing, our kids NEED a household free of drama.
Hallmark Traits Of A Narcissistic Partner
10 narcissistic traits are:
– grandiose sense of self-importance
– preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
– belief they’re special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions
– need for excessive admiration
– sense of entitlement
-interpersonally exploitative behavior
-lack of empathy
-envy of others or a belief that others are envious of them
– feel good hurting people’s feelings
-demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudesYahoo Life
What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder
A narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition that is characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a need for excessive admiration, and a lack of empathy for others.
People with this disorder often seek out attention and validation from others and can become easily offended or angered when they don’t get the attention they feel they deserve.
While narcissistic personality disorder can be difficult to deal with, there are treatments available that can help people manage the symptoms of this disorder.
With treatment, people with narcissistic personality disorder can learn how to better relate to others and how to cope with the inevitable disappointment that comes from not receiving the constant admiration they crave.
Can Bad Parenting Cause Narcissism?
“If mental abuse was a punishable crime, a lot of parents would be in jail serving a long term.”― Maddy MalhotraGoodread
The short answer to this question is YES!
Bad parenting can lead to many long-term issues, which I will discuss more in the article.
Can a Narcissist Love Their Child?
“They should love you, just as you are. Parents should love their kids, right?”Goodread
“You’d think so.”
― N.R. Walker
It is essential to know and understand this; narcissist only loves themselves.
They will love the child, but only if that child makes them look good by proxy.
Do Narcissists Love Their Family?
The only thing they will love is how they can hurt their family, use their family, manipulate their family, and violate their family.
These people are NOT playing with a full deck.
Staying In Narcissistic Relationships Because Of The Children
Many research studies have shown the adverse effects that abuse and neglect have on the brain (links to the reviews in the intro). Abuse and neglect rewire the brain structuring of children.
Childhood trauma can cause emotional damage that can make it very difficult for the child to regulate their emotions. Childhood trauma also has the effect of causing cognitive impairment.
Staying Together Because Of The Baby: Narcissistic Relationships
Staying together because you may be pregnant will be ALL the ingredients the baby will need to develop the seeds of sociopathic tendencies/ or psychopathic tendencies.
Research has shown that kids as young as two can develop these traits.
Letting your child stay around a narcissist will only help foster those traits in the child that much easier, as children are very suggestible.
Could Couples Therapy Help Your Troubled Relationships?
As the number of people diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) continues to rise, so does the number of individuals seeking help for their relationships.
Many people with NPD enter couples therapy expecting their partner to change, but what they may not realize is that therapy can also be beneficial for them.
Couples therapy can help those with NPD by providing a space to understand their disorder and how it affects their relationship. It can also help them learn new coping mechanisms and communication skills. In some cases, therapy may even lead to positive changes in the relationship itself.
If you are considering couples therapy for your relationship, be sure to find a therapist who is experienced in dealing with NPD. With the right help, you and your partner can learn to overcome the challenges of living with this disorder.
But it is important to know that therapy only helps troubled relationships if the narcissist genuinely wants to become better.
Narcissistic Relationships Destroy Lives
“Being a bad parent is a sign of not having learned from experience.”― Mokokoma MokhonoanaGoodread
They are UNAPOLOGETIC!
Narcissists will destroy your life, as well as your child’s life, if given the opportunity. Destruction to them is a pleasure, even if that destruction is of their flesh and blood.
These creatures have no idea how to empathize. And this is because they lack empathy. (Read the full article here about narcs (people with NPD) having a thinner neocortex than ordinary people.)
Staying with the Narc can be extremely dangerous for the child’s upbringing and the partner’s life. Domestic violence is rising, and most partners are killed by the people they were in love with.
If you see that your partner has narcissistic tendencies, you may want to do what you can to leave them. They will destroy your lives and think absolutely nothing of it.
It can be challenging raising a child all by your lonesome.
But raising a kid with a narcissistic partner will damage that kid and potentially turn that child away from you.
Narcissistic Relationships have a fantastic ability to turn their kids against the other parent who isn’t a narc.
There are many cases where children start to mimic their narc parents and lose respect and LOVE for their empathetic parents.
Raising a kid by yourself is difficult. But to lose your child to a narc (regarding that relationship you can build and them developing into a DECENT HUMAN BEING) is devastating.
How Do You Get Over A Narcissistic Relationship When You Have A Child Together?
“I assumed he knew that your coach was abusing you. I realized in the limo that he didn’t.”Goodread
For a moment, there is only silence. When Damien speaks, his words are ice cold. “He knew.”― J. Kenner
It is NOT easy raising a child on your own.
I am not here to dispute this.
However, the child’s mental, emotional, psychological, and spiritual well-being needs to remove these toxic people from their lives.
A few things you may want to consider doing, and please really consider these, are:
- Changing Cities (This may seem drastic but do not underestimate these people. They will hurt the child TO GET BACK AT YOU. The gamble of them loving your child and NOT breaking them is TOO HIGH!!!)
- Move-In With Relatives/ or very Close Friends
- Become financially independent
- Consider Court (Yes, this can drag on for some time, but during these times of separation, or contemplation of separation, start jotting down notes of all the things they do that are dangerous for your child’s upbringing.)
- Keep Journals and Videos (The narcissist will lash out at you, make sure that you have video footage of all the insane things they will inevitably do ~ Consider getting a personal body cam for yourself)
- Ghost The Heck Out Of Them (Once they are NO LONGER in your life, go off the grid. Be like a rogue spy. Delete all your social media profiles, change your phone numbers, and again MOVE CITIES if you can. Start all over without them in your life)
The effects these people can have on your child’s psychology are numerous, and it is in their best interest to be as far away from the narcissistic parent as possible.
Feel free to read my previous article, SIGNS OF DYSFUNCTIONAL PARENTS: THEY AFFECT THEIR KIDS.
Check out these articles for more information about raising a kid(s) with a narcissist:
- How to help your children when their other parent is a narcissist
- The Narcissistic Family: A Narcissist, An Exhausted Spouse, and Anxious Children
- Why Unloved Daughters Fall for Narcissists
- 7 Ways Narcissists Retaliate Through Children
No Shame In Therapy
Selfish people can do a wonder on someone’s mind and psychology.
In fact, I wrote an article called “10+ Mental Illnesses Caused By Staying With A Narcissists“.
I believe therapy can help your child heal and recover if their narcissistic parent has abused them.
As much as blogs, youtube channels, and even support groups can ASSIST in helping you and your child slowly heal, they are no substitute for Therapy.
The narcissists and their legion of fools can slowly drive you insane. And sometimes, the best help you can ever receive is from a professional.
When everyone around you is trying to convince you that YOU are the wrong person, sometimes an objective view of you from someone you don’t know maybe what saves you from drowning in the sea of insanity the narc, and their legion of fools try and drown you in.
Therapy can help heal in ways that reading blogs, listening to videos, and talking with other WARRIORS (we are not survivors, we are warriors) can never do.
Sign up for Online Therapy get a 20% discount on your first-month session, as well as articles and updates on the benefits of therapy.
Narcs have a legion of fools behind them to hurt you; I think it would be a good thing to build your own army of warriors and allies to help stand by your side and build your self-esteem.