Narcissists believe themselves special but in actuality, they are so COMMON. These are the 3 stages of the narcissistic relationship cycle that you should be aware of.
In learning their cycle you can better prepare yourself for the discard or you can completely stop yourself from entering into this chaotic union that narcissistic people call a relationship.
Understand this, when two GROWN ADULTS come into a relationship it is not about one partner coming in and pouring into another person an endless amount of love and adoration.
Furthermore, a relationship is meant to serve as a supplement for your life. Meaning that you two are together because you compliment and help one another grow.
If your partner is not helping you to become a better person, to grow, or to seek more in life (for yourself) then either you end the relationship or DEAL WITH THE DISCARD.
Life is too damn short to waste time with someone who doesn’t care about you.
We don’t get a redo with this thing called life.
Once it is finished; that’s it…game over.
Find someone who will supplement your life and not drain your life.
Hey: This is a direct follow up to a week-long project that delves in understanding relationship aspects with a narcissist. Feel free to read my previous article called “Signs Of a Narcissistic Woman”
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The Three Stages Of The Narcissist Irrational Cycle
Step 1: Idealize
This is the stage where the “love bombing” campaign is set against you. And I say campaign because these people make a life for us a war. The love bombing could be considered to be the Trojan Horse.
They come offering us many gifts and supplies, making us believe that they really care. And once they enter into our lives they then destroy as much as they can.
During this stage, they will place us up on a pedestal.
This is one of the primary reasons as to why it becomes so difficult to leave the narcissist because we remember all the “good times” with them.
But during this stage, everything they are doing is just a trick, a ploy, a scheme to enter into our lives for their own nefarious reason.
And the term nefarious here is not meant to be the melodramatic term I am using. When you have a person who can come into your life and mess it up for NO REASON…that is nefarious at the highest level.
To get pleasure from destroying a life is INSANE.
Step 2: Devalue
The devalue stage can happen for several reasons. But there are two reasons that I personally believe the narcissist does this.
The first is because the narcissist just loves to devalue and make others feel bad because it bolsters their fragile ego. Like a schoolyard 5th grade bully who picks on other kids to show their dominance, a narcissist will do the same.
The second reason they devalue us is that deep down the narcissist knows our worth and they think if we know our worth then we will leave them. I believe narcissists at a core level know how worthless they are; hence the need for a constant supply.
This is why they keep their flying monkeys by their side at all times; because flying monkeys will glorify the majesty of these delusional people.
But I believe that narcissists know that if we knew our value and then we saw their worth…we would leave them.
I wrote an article on “Why The Narcissists Devalues Us“.
Step 3: Discard
This is the final stage of the narcissistic relationship cycle. They will discard us and get rid of us like we were nothing. And for many of us, we are left feeling numb and stupefied.
The most prominent question we ask ourselves is, “did they ever love me?”
This part of the cycle for us can leave many feeling crushed and devastated.
Words To Heal By
“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” ~ M. Kathleen Casey
The pain that we feel after being discarded by a narcissist can, at times, seems unbearable. We feel our worth and value fall and lower.
And for many, it can leave them completely broken.
But in life, I have come to learn that pain is always going to be there…for everyone. And as much as a narcissist seems like they are happy beings.
THEY ARE NOT.
Narcissists are emotionally immature and mentally childish. They never learned how to regulate their emotions and as a result, they lash out because they are hurting.
They hurt people in life because they are hurt.
When we ruminate over the wrongs that they have done to us we only hurt ourselves.
It is impossible…IMPOSSIBLE to go through life without being used lied to, manipulated, hurt, stolen from, made to look like a fool, and so much more.
But…in seeing these as lessons and not as the end… we can better change our mindset and learn to heal.
When you choose to see the wrongs they did as a lesson that is one great step in the direction of healing.
Check out my article “How To Heal After A Narcissistic Relationship” to get a better understanding of how to let go and move on.
We get one go…ONE GO at this thing called life.
Don’t give your time, your energy, and your LIFE to someone who isn’t worth a dime.
Check out these articles for more information on narcissistic relationship:
- How To Deal With A Narcissist: The Only Method Guaranteed To Work
- Stop Explaining to the Narcissist! Do This Instead
- The Toxic Attraction Between An Empath And A Narcissist
No Shame In Therapy
Narcissistic people can do a wonder on someone’s mind and psychology.
In fact, I wrote an article called “10+ Mental Illnesses Caused By Staying With A Narcissists“.
The narcissists and their legion of fools can slowly drive you insane. And sometimes the best help you can ever receive is from a stranger.
When everyone around you is trying to convince you that YOU are the bad person, sometimes an objective view of you from someone you don’t know maybe what saves you from drowning in the sea of insanity the narc and their legion of fools try and drown you in.
Therapy can help heal in ways that reading blogs, listening to videos, and talking with other WARRIORS (we are not survivors, we are warriors) can ever do.
Join my Facebook Fan Page “No Shame In Therapy” to get a 20% discount on your first-month session, as well as articles and updates on the benefits of therapy.
Narcs have a legion of fools behind them to hurt you, I think it would be a good thing to build your own army of warriors and allies to help stand by your side.