6 Ways To Deal With A Narcissistic Passive Aggressive Husband

6 Ways To Deal With A Narcissistic Passive Aggressive Husband

Passive-aggressive behavior can involve sabotaging friendships, work relationships, careers, silent treatments, and blame.

Let’s talk about six ways to deal with these behaviors.

First, let’s take about the ways to identify this behavior.

A few ways to determine this behavior is underhanded sabotage, covert resistance, stalling, verbal hostility, blaming, disguised relational hostility, hostile humor. Their goal is to make you question your sanity and your judgment.

NoteGaslighting is a favorite tactic of narcissists to use on their victims. Download my FREE eBook “Am I Being Gaslit” to better understand their sneaky tactics.

6 Ways To Deal With A Narcissistic Passive Aggressive Husband

1) Prepare Yourself With Boundaries And Stick To Those Boundaries

When you are confident with your boundaries, you will not accept less than you deserve.

Document situations so when you gaslighting happens, you can refer back to your documents and confirm your stance.

Be prepared for consequences and anger from them and have a support system in place.

2) Judge Actions, Not Intentions

They want to keep you second-guessing yourself. They want to keep you trapped in questioning your judgment.

Stand your ground and address the actions. Behavior patterns always prove themselves to be true.

You may not question intentions, but you can always rely on practices. Past behavior is an indicator of future behavior.

3) Label Tactics Immediately When You Notice Them

You cannot counter something when you don’t know what is happening.

Some examples of these tactics are:

A) Feigning ignorance, innocence, or playing dumb
B) Diversion and evasion- never giving a straight answer to a question and changing the subject when questioned. (this keeps your focus off their behavior so they can promote their self-serving behavior)
C) Lying- by omission or distortion, such as deliberately vague
D) Charm and Anger
E) playing the victim
F) Rationalization and minimization
G) guilt-tripping and shaming

4) Do Not Accept Excuses

As hard as it is, it would help if you stayed calm and reasonable. No matter how much they try to get you worked up into a frenzy, remain calm and rational.

A narcissist wants to make you irrational, angry, so they can turn this around and make it YOUR fault, but you are smarter than that. You are going to stay calm.

Don’t use sarcasm, hostility, or threats. It will be much harder to make you the bad guy.

5) Make Direct Responses

It is time to be assertive and not aggressive.. You can make your response known matter of fact and then ask only direct questions.

Instead of subtle hints at what you want to change, be forward and assertive.

For example, “I want you to take the trash out on Thursdays.” Or “I don’t want you to call me while I am at work anymore.” Be specific about your requests.

“I don’t like when you yell at me. Please do not yell at me anymore.”

Be matter of fact.

Avoid aggressive and hostile tone of voice and facial expressions.

6) Focus On Win-Win Solutions Instead Of Win-Lose Solutions

Don’t make compromises you can’t keep.

NoteGaslighting is a favorite tactic of narcissists to use on their victims. Download my FREE eBook “Am I Being Gaslit” to better understand their sneaky tactics.

Final Thoughts

Overall, prepare yourself with boundaries, judge actions, not intentions, label tactics, don’t accept excuses, make direct responses and focus on win-win.

The most important thing to dealing with a narcissist is to set boundaries and remember the truth. The main thing a narcissist wants to do is make you question your reality, so it is essential not to let them make you question your sanity.

With these little tips, you will see a significant change in your own life and feel empowered to stay sane through this trying situation.


I call myself the Rational Humorist. Narcs to me are cancer to humanity. The only way to beat cancer is to fight back against it.

The best way to defeat a narc is to see them as the jokes they are.

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1 Comment

  1. Leigh says:

    Today I used these techniques on my passive-aggressive narcissistic husband. It was difficult but at least I stood up for myself. My husband ignored my birthday today as a way to hurt me. After half the day had passed he asked me what I wanted for my birthday. He then added “let me at least buy you a cake.” By 9pm there was no present, no cake and no celebration. Then he proceeded to order the one type of food I can’t eat; spicy Mexican…so I ended up cooking dinner for myself. After dinner I reminded him that every year I celebrate his birthday and make him feel special. He responded that he DID do
    something for me and that he had something for me. Rather than get whatever it was he had for me he continued to ignore me and watch TV for two more hours until 11pm. Then at 11pm he handed me a card without a word and turned to leave the room. Before leaving he had the audacity to claim I was the one who wanted to order spicy food. I felt so angry with myself for accepting all his mixed messages and for tolerating him ignoring me. I told him after being mistreated all day I couldn’t accept his card. I really don’t care about a gift, cake, or card – I just wanted to be treated like he cared about me and he purposely withheld (as usual) any and all affection and attention.

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