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Warning: Before you venture into this article, I am giving MY opinion on having no love for your narcissistic parent. Please comment if you disagree.
I know for many, this may be a touchy situation. And for many, they feel like they OWE their parents something because as these narcissistic parents so often spout “I gave you life” — thus I guess meaning from their airtight logic that, that somehow gives them the right to berate, violate, harm, hurt, destroy a childhood, and take so much from their child.
Because, you know, they “gave us life”.
It is this thinking that causes so many people to lose out on life…because they believe they owe their parents something. But I am telling you this. YOU OWE YOUR NARCISSISTIC PARENT… NOTHING.
“Blood makes you relatives….but loyalty with other people make you family.”
And if you have someone who is of your own kin that can do everything in their power to keep bringing you down as much as they can, they are not family….they are your enemey….NO MATTER THEIR TITLE.
My Parents Are Toxic And I Hate Them…That Is Okay!
The title above is not an attack but a fact. Narcissistic parents never grow up and it is because they are stuck in a rather child-like mentality that they treat their own children so badly.
The abuse that they inflict upon their children isn’t always physical. This is what makes it so hard for those children who may feel like something is off with their parent-child dynamic to not initially see it. This leaves room for so much doubt with the child.
We know that narcissists engage in psychological warfare with almost everyone they come across (even their own children).
With some of their tactics being:
- triangulation (even on their own kids. They have no qualms getting their kids to fight with one another)
- keeping their kids in a fog
- sabotaging their success
- playing the victim
- EMOTIONAL INCEST
The last one, emotional incest, is perhaps one of the most difficult abuses for many of those who had to grow up with a narcissistic parent.
What emotional incest is, is when a child becomes the parent’s confidant. The CHILD becomes the parent’s support, the partner, the FRIEND, and maybe…the secret lover.
These narcissistic parents love playing the victim, and because as children we so very much want to please our parents, most oftentimes these children will be what they want their parents to be.
Just to try and make them happy.
This kind of incest (although not necessarily physical) causes a lack of development in the child. Although these children feel like they had to “grow up fast” at a young age…the truth of the matter is that these children are ROBBED OF THEIR CHILDHOOD.
The Repercussion Of Emotional Incest
- The person will have trouble setting up boundaries
- They may not be able to be intimate with a partner
- They could have a very unhealthy relationship with the parent (momma’s boy being an example)
- Use of Substance abuse
- Lack Of Self-Esteem
Should You Be There For Your Toxic Parents In The End?
What does it mean to be a parent?
A parent is someone who:
- guides their offspring
- educates them about the ways of the world
- picks them up when they have fallen
- provides for their emotional and psychological development
- LIVES AS AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT THEY CAN BE and WANTS THEM TO BE BETTER THAN THEM
There are many more things a parent can be and should be. And I know that there is NO RULE BOOK on being a parent. Well, I guess there are books out there that can help point you in the right direction.
But parenthood is NOT that easy. And I by no means am suggesting that parents be the paragon of what a human being can be; as I have just suggested that parents should want their children to always be better than them.
But a childhood, much like life, IS A ONE TIME THING. And for anyone to WILLFULLY take that away is no parent or an adult.
I started out in this article asking, should you have no love for your narcissistic parent?
And in my opinion, I don’t think it would be wrong to not love them. Am I saying to hate them?
But if you have no love for a person who was supposed to be your parent, and I think many people overlook how powerful a relationship that is, there is nothing wrong with that.
I say don’t hate them because despite them not being your parent they did show you how YOU CAN BE A BETTER PARENT if the day ever arises that you become one yourself.
If you feel like you want to cut ties with them but feel like you owe them something…STOP.
They are the parent, we are the children.
They are supposed to be here for us, not the other way around.
Comment below if anyone disagrees. I would be curious to hear YOUR THOUGHTS about this.
No Shame In Therapy Sessions
Narcissistic people can do a wonder on someone’s mind and psychology.
In fact, I wrote an article called “10+ Mental Illnesses Caused By Staying With A Narcissists“.
The narcissists and their legion of fools can slowly drive you insane. And sometimes the best help you can ever receive is from a stranger.
When everyone around you is trying to convince you that YOU are the bad person, sometimes an objective view of you from someone you don’t know maybe what saves you from drowning in the sea of insanity the narc and their legion of fools try and drown you in.
Therapy can help heal in ways that reading blogs, listening to videos, and talking with other WARRIORS (we are not survivors, we are warriors) can ever do.
Join my Facebook Fan Page “No Shame In Therapy” to get a 20% discount on your first-month session, as well as articles and updates on the benefits of therapy.
Narcs have a legion of fools behind them to hurt you, I think it would be a good thing to build your own army of warriors and allies to help stand by your side.