How Narcissist Use Altruism To Control You
I was talking to a friend of mines on here (you know who you are) about altruism and how narcissist love to use this idea of altruism to control and manipulate their victim.
At my core (and my way of thinking can always be changed when given EVIDENCE that supports the new claim), I am very convinced that some people out there are in every sense of the word parasites.
They are parasites, viruses, “Walking Chernobyls” that infect and poison everyone and everything around them.
Narcissistic people know all too well how to play victim, how to play the needy person, how to play the damsel in distress.
And society, the easily manipulated sheeple they are, all eat it up.
Altruism is easily one of the EVILEST ideologies to follow, and in this post, I want to explain why you need to learn to put yourself first.
I want to explain the difference between egoism and narcissism and why putting others before you is eviler than putting yourself first.
Narcissist Use Altruism
Altruism: Sacrifice YOURSELF For The Malleable Perceivable Good
What I have come to realize from many survivors and victims is that one of the MAIN reasons as to why they stay with these “Walking Chernobyls” is because they assume and believe in this ludicrous idea that “they have to sacrifice a bit of who they are to show the narcissist that they care.”
That if they sacrifice more of their time, cut ties with their family, cut ties with their friends, they would be able to change the narcissist in their life for the better.
Because their sacrifice would show them they understood and cared for the narcissist.
And isn’t that what we all need?
To be understood and cared for?
But, why is it okay for all of us to be understanding to the narc, toxic people, and this irrational world but never once to be the person who is understood?
How fair is that?
Narcissists, and these legions of altruistic covert narcissists, use this idea of sacrifice TO CONTROL OTHERS.
And more importantly, they use this idea of “I work so hard to make you a better person, and you don’t appreciate MY SACRIFICES FOR YOU” to GUILT US into bending the knee and OUR SPIRIT to their insanity.
Excerpt from “Empathic Warriors Survival Stories : Not Your Ordinary Empath“ (Give it a read on Kindle Edition for Free if you have it):
I considered his argument as I watched the warmth drain from his face. “Okay,” I said. “I see how that makes sense. I’m sorry for making you listen to bad music. Can you show me what you like?”
He brightened immediately, his face flushing as his eyes returned to mine. “I’d be happy to,” he sighed, his happiness and warmth restored. “I start some music in a minute.”
And I lied back down, happy to have pleased him.
I looked at him in awe, happy I’d found someone so willing to educate me and put me on the right path in life. I’d always been afraid that my own opinions were wrong. His willingness to tolerate my errors long enough to correct my thoughts, feelings and actions made me feel safe and loved.
Finally, I had found someone intelligent enough to guide me through the world.
Why Altruism Is A Flawed Ideology And How Narcissist Use It To Control Us: Narcissist Use Altruism
The thing about altruism is that it teaches people that they must be sacrificial lambs to many lazy beta wolves who are too weak, lazy, and stupid to have the life they want.
Altruism demands that you give ALL that is YOU up for some greater purpose.
“If I stay longer with them, sacrifice my 20s and 30s, they will then see what a good woman they have by their side. They will never cheat on me because how could they after sacrificing my time with them!”
“If I just sacrifice my PRIDE and SELF ESTEEM and let them vent and yell at me, they will see how understanding I am.”
“If I just let her hit me because I am, after all, a man, I should just take the beaten; she will see I am a good man and will start respecting me.”
This is the logic of altruism and what many of us have been with the narcissist think about when they throw their terrible two tantrums.
Why must we sacrifice our sanity for their insanity when they have NO DESIRE to be sane?
Think about that for a second!
You Have To Put Yourself First
The story of the giving tree is precisely why I advocate that altruism is such a DESTRUCTIVE IDEOLOGY.
The story starts with a young boy and a sentient tree.
The sentient tree loved this little boy and gave to this boy all that the tree was.
The boy uses to climb up the tree and play on it, making the tree happy.
The boy got older and would not come to play as much as he had friends, but came when he NEEDED something.
He would need money, and the tree would give the boy the apples to go and sell.
And when he made money, NO SIGN OF THE BOY.
He would come as a grown man about to get married and would need a house; the tree would give him her branches to build a house.
He would not come to see the tree for ages until he was older and NEEDED a boat to travel the oceans.
The tree would give him the trunk of itself to build a boat.
The old man now, very old and NEEDING a place to sit, and the tree now a stump would say you can SHIT (the tree doesn’t say this, but this is pretty much what was happening)…oh, I mean sit on me.
Throughout the story, the tree was happy that it was USEFUL to the boy and nothing more.
WE ARE INDIVIDUALS.
We are not toys, tools, instruments to these toxic SELFISH PEOPLE.
True selfishness and why egoism and narcissism are not the same things is demanding of others to live their lives FOR YOU.
Egoism says, “I will do this because it will improve my LIFE NOT at the expense of using others.”
Narcissism is, “I will use these people to improve my life. They are here to serve my dreams and goals, not their owns.”
It is to say that everyone that comes in your peripheral is here for YOUR PURPOSE and PLEASURE.
Tell me, narcissists do not behave this way.
As Oscar Wilde once said,
“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live; it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. And unselfishness is letting other people’s lives alone, not interfering with them. Selfishness always aims at creating around it an absolute uniformity of type. Unselfishness recognizes infinite variety of types as a delightful thing, accepts it, acquiesces in it, enjoys it. It is not selfish to think for oneself.
A man who does not think for himself does not think at all. It is grossly selfish to require of one’s neighbor that he should think in the same way and hold the same opinions. Why should he? If he can think, he will probably think differently. If he cannot think, it is monstrous to require thought of any kind from him. A red rose is not selfish because it wants to be a red rose. It would be horribly selfish if it wanted all the other flowers in the garden to be both red and roses.”
Many of us have been taught and CONDITIONED to believe that we must put others’ needs over the needs of ourselves. But what sense does this make?
Are you going to make sure that Tom, Dick, and Harry across the street are eating well when you have only a loaf of bread in your cabinet?
Or are you going to worry about your needs first, and if you find enough or have enough — of your OWN VOLITION, not a demand by others, say I will help this person?
How do you ever expect to build up a person who is simultaneously tearing you down?
Narcissists are just parasites, viruses, consumers. All they do is take, and they fool others into believing that the greatest virtue is to be altruistic.
“Real good people just give,” says the narcissist, all the while never giving anything of great value to others.
If you haven’t, give my ebook a read, “Empathic Warriors Survival Stories : Not Your Ordinary Empath.”
Stay empowered and live YOUR ONE LIFE FOR YOU, NOT THEM.