Written by: Conner Wood
Narcissists want to HATE so they BAIT,
They CAN’T WAIT for you to make a mistake
But Narcy isn’t going to get their fun…
Ooooo…Cause they’re getting GRAY ROCK’D, son!
Before I begin, let me explain the point of the Gray Rock Technique and when to use it.
The objective of Gray Rocking is to make the Narcissist bored with you. It is to make the narcissist feel they are wasting their time and energy on you. They aren’t able to feed off you.
Then the Narcissist will start approaching you less and less. You want to avoid narcissists and when these toxic people start avoiding you it makes it that much sweeter.
Gray Rocking has its limits and won’t work on a narcissist that views you as a threat. You are past the Point of No Return, the Event Horizon of this black hole that they are. They are feeding off you by sabotaging you and trying to hurt you; they don’t care how boring you are then.
Consider that you are on this line from 0% to 100%.
If you are right at the start of this line, congrats, Stay There, FOREVER!
If you are somewhere on the line past the peak, the halfway point. You have passed the Point of No Return. Gray Rocking is not going to be an effective option for you.
Here’s how to tell what you are seen as:
|You on Line||Status|
|0% – 25%||Boring – You aren’t worth manipulating (Gray Rock/No Contact)|
|25% – 50%||Supply – You are worth manipulating|
|50% – 75%||Controllable Threat – you need to be silenced and made an example of. I will make it so|
|75% – 100%||Uncontrollable Threat – fuck you leave me alone I’m the victim|
So now with that in mind, let’s begin my story of Gray Rocking my Boss.
Narcissist Boss VS Gray Rock
My boss is a Covert Narcissist.
Like everyone else who doesn’t understand what a Covert Narcissist is, you don’t suspect a thing. But one day, the boss’s behavior was so vile and completely unprofessional, I needed to know what the f**k just happened.
It was betrayal, I trusted the boss and the boss broke their word, then blamed and punished me for it.
This was not something outside of the boss’s control. No one made the boss break their word. And so instead of a meeting with a bully as promised, I was banned from working on any projects; just what the bully wanted.
The sick twisted face, the dilated pupils of an excited predator blaming and shaming me. Feeding off me. It was completely unexpected. That’s because I didn’t know what to look for, the signs were already there, but I kept giving the benefit of the doubt. I kept paying the price for that.
I thought the boss was having a bad day. It was the opposite, the boss GOT OFF ON IT. Later on, the same bully got in trouble when I reported seeing his admin credentials being typed on my screen remotely from my already logged in the computer that I was using… but not fired, the boss saw to that as well.
I was a fool not to take it directly to HR.
And all of a sudden a smear campaign from the boss that I’m paranoid. I heard the boss say, “He’s paranoid” to an employee. I know what I heard, I know beyond a reasonable doubt that bully was spying on my screen for years trying to get dirt on me, seeing everything I did remotely. And my boss protected that bully. My boss banned me from the projects because the bully didn’t want to be wrong. Isolated, Ostracized, and Incapacitated. I was silenced.
Told you I paid the price…
It was then I researched on Quora and discovered the term, Narcissist. And from there, the Covert Narcissist. It was an identical match to all those behaviors that just didn’t make sense at the time.
And so I learned that Gray Rock is my option until I find another job. And it has worked gloriously. I know exactly who he’s still feeding off of, they come to work hating their jobs and fearing their boss and their job. He’s caused this depression and misery and all so he can feed off it.
They don’t know, they believed the narrative from the boss that I’m paranoid. Yet, I’m so happy at work. And that is because I cut out cancer that was sabotaging me. Now, it seems that the boss is more paranoid each passing day to everyone and most realize that I’m not paranoid after all, *Le gasp!*.
The boss tried so hard at first to get me back, to reel me in with his hoovering.
It didn’t work.
Tried Triangulation with unknowing pawns.
The boss has no flying monkeys, the boss is covert and offsite, rarely meet face to face. The bully won’t do his bidding, they can’t be seen as on the same team. It would expose them.
I made an effort to never agree over the phone when he so often messaged me to call him. No Verbal assignments for me. I know what you are.
I want it in writing. No plausible deniability then.
And so Gray Rock has worked, because I only had respect for the boss before so I was never a threat to the boss, only supply. But now, now I know what the boss is. And instead of confronting the boss, trying to reason with a Covert Narcissist. I know better than that now.
That was always the mistake, every-time, I trusted the boss to be an adult, a professional who would do their job, a decent human being. And was always disappointed and punished.
The boss was right about one thing though. I did need to lower my expectations. But it was expectations regarding the boss’s behavior, not mine. I no longer expect the boss to their job or be a decent human being. A Covert Narcissist can only pretend. No integrity, no empathy, so of course a Narcissists word means nothing.
I knew the saying “Correct a wise man and they will thank you. Correct a fool and they will hate you”.
BUT NOW I know some fools will do it on purpose BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT THEY WANT. THEY WANT AN EXCUSE TO HATE YOU OPENLY.
My absolutely favorite part of Gray Rocking (and how you can verify it’s working) is seeing their face desperate for a comment, for some action. Unless directly asked, I remain silent and blank-faced. The worry and doubt from the boss’s face were astounding.
Have I lost my touch?!?
No, what you’ve lost is the benefit of the doubt, Covert Narcissist.
For more info:
Follow Conner Wood on Quora.
Read more from Conner Wood “When A Belief Becomes A Delusion ~ How Egopaths Want Us To See Them“