Let Them Gossip: What Others Think Is Not Important

Let Them Gossip: What Others Think Is Not Important

Let Them Gossip: What Others Think Is Not Important

It can be frustrating having people talk badly about you. I must confess, in my early days, talking badly about me would have set me off.

But life has taught me much.

With perhaps one of the best lessons being…

What others think of me is none of my business.

Let Them Gossip: What Others Think Is Not Important

yada yada, board, insignificance

What you need to understand and keep in mind when regarding gossipers is that…THEY HAVE NO LIVES.

They gossip about you and spread rumors about you because they have NOTHING GOING ON IN THEIR LIVES.

And the sad thing is that they will never have anything going on in their life.

What many of us who have to deal with narcs and their legion of tools fail ever to notice is…HOW AMAZING WE ARE.

We think because we have been taught that if someone hates us, it is because WE DID SOMETHING WRONG, that we are the bad guy.

But the truth of the matter is that because we shine so bright around these dark and dull souls, we upset their existence.

Because they cannot shine bright in character, they want to smudge, smear (smear campaign), destroy and demolish our image.

In their kidult mentality…”I can’t be like you, SO I WILL DESTROY YOU BY GOSSIPING ABOUT YOU.”

These people are insecure, childish, and un-accomplished people who will never measure up. And as a result, they need to “take others down a peg.”

Listen, let them talk and gossip.

By staying focused on you…you indirectly reveal to them how worthless they are.

Attacking them and defending them only shows to them they matter.

By not caring what they think or say…YOU WIN.

Don’t feed the beast of narcissism with your attention. Let it starve by not giving a flip.

One thought on “Let Them Gossip: What Others Think Is Not Important

  1. I agree completely, although it’s a hard thing to do at times. It’s difficult for any reasonable thinking person to comprehend and logically understand the cruelty and intentional hurt that someone can inflict onto someone that they, at the same time, claim to “love”?? I have been degraded, dehumanized, insulted, laughed at, made fun of, “diagnosed” as having numerous emotional and psychological diseases and addictions, accused of the most vile and vicious actions, portrayed as being an “abusive, cruel, cheating, monster”…the list goes on and on. Telling anyone that would listen. Friends, family, his children, his ex wife, other women, and to the world of social media. And all of this from someone that “loved” me? Someone that lied to me consistently, cheated on me physically and emotional throughout the relationship, berated me, cursed me, stripped me of my self-esteem and confidence, compared me to others, and subjugated and humiliated me with his porn addition and lusting for other women. And if that wasn’t enough, once I could take no more and finally walked away, then “I” owed HIM an apology? “I” am the horrible, cruel one that “discarded” him “for no reason” or because (as always, and typical of their irrational thoughts and self-projecting behavior)…”I” had someone on the side! ME!!!? How completely appalling.

    But eventually, after defending, explaining, or making efforts in engaging them and hoping they would realize what they were saying and doing was destructive and unproductive, I had to realize it was all in vain and only kept me in a state of anxiety, hurt, and confusion. I had to realize that their narrative of events, their opinions of me, their viciousness and callousness was their own. Nothing I could say, no “proof” of anything said or done was ever going to change their realities that they have convinced themselves of. I could only move forward with my “facts” and act accordingly to maintain my integrity, boundaries, and sanity. I had to allow them to say and think whatever they chose to, and let it be. And the most difficult thing I had to eventually come to terms with was that this person does not love me and never did.

    “Love” does not behave or speak in degrading, or hurtful ways. Love is comforting, supportive, respectful, and understanding. Love lifts us up, it doesn’t tear us down. Love is patient and kind, not belligerent and vindictive. Love is selfless, not selfish. Love is tender, not merciless. Love is being committed through hard times, not disloyal. Love is respectful, not disrespectful and mean spirited. Love is appreciative, not belittling and contemptuous. Love is about adoration and attraction, not deprecation and disregard.

    Once we understand the “love” we want from someone, and what we will not accept in it’s absence, it’s eye opening and heartbreaking to realize that the one you hoped would provide those things never could and never will. A hard lesson to learn, but a lesson none the less.

    It’s time to let the headache and hurt go and be the bigger person. We can’t change or save anyone. We can’t change anyone’s opinions that choose to only see their own. So don’t try. We can’t rely on others for our self worth. Know what you deserve and don’t accept less. If they choose to live with hatred and contempt in their hearts, allow it. You can choose peace. If they choose their narrative of events over reality, let them have it. If they choose denial and unaccountability, allow it. Learn from the pain, learn from the experience, be grateful that you gave your all until you couldn’t, and know that you are capable of, and deserving of, someone that will be all that you “thought” this person could give. Remember the good and learn from the bad. Don’t allow someone’s poor behavior or lack of kindness define who you are. That’s their cross to bare, not yours. Remember, their words and actions define who they are, not who you are.

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