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The Ten Step Guide To Being Miserable: Misery Is So Much Fun!


Ten Step Guide To Being Miserable

We all are familiar with the saying “misery loves company.” Ever wonder why misery is the life of the party that sucks all the joy, happiness, and liveliness out of people?

It’s because misery knows how to spread itself around. And because of this, it is never alone, and it never is forced to look itself in the face.

How amazing is that, right?

To never have to sit down with yourself and point out your flaws and…scoff…fix them.

Who does stupid things like that, right?

I’ll tell you.

Only successful and happy people do that.

Successful and happy people are only focused on being successful in life, having a close-knit of friends, having a loving family that supports them, being their own bosses, and living a life that most people would envy.

These people are such happy fools.

Am I right?

Of course, I’m right.

It is better to be miserable, especially after you have just left a narcissist.

Why move on in life when you can forever be a victim (Check out this article “Victim Mentality: The Only Way To Heal“) and live the remainder of this life out in a miserable state.

We all know that history speaks of the guy who got cheated on by his girlfriend and that history loves the cowardly, timid, and love-seeking woman.

Ten Step Guide To Being Miserable

“Alexander the WHO?”

Not the great.

Greatness is being a miserable sack of sadness.

DAMN, THAT IS SEXY.

Alexander The great” ain’t got shit on a dude wallowing around in a pool of self-pity.

Right ladies?

And fellas, nothing is more attractive than a broken woman.

You guys know what I am talking about, right?

Eazay for the pickin!

In this article, I want to go over the Ten Step Guide to being miserable in life.

I guarantee you, by the end of this guide, if you don’t feel like less of a human being, more depressed with your life, and if you aren’t feeling 100% miserable…then I did something wrong.

So, are you ready?

Are you ready to remove any hope that you have glimmering left in you? Do you want to snuff out that small beacon of hope?

If so, read on and sink into nihilism.

Do you want to be depressed? Feel like crap? Do you want to stay miserable?

DO YOU?

Say it with me.

MISERY!!!

HELL YEAH!!!

The Ten Step Guide To Being Miserable: Misery Is So Much Fun!

Step 1: Ruminate Over The Wrongs Others Have Done To You

Ten Step Guide To Being Miserable

Ah, rumination! Nothing beats rumination. 

Replaying all those negative events over and over again.

In the first step in our Ten-Step Guide, you will need to pump yourself up with negativity.

Hey! Don’t worry this is legal. You aren’t competing in a professional sport here.

So the first thing you will need to do, to pump up your misery, is to ruminate on things that hurt you and on things that make you feel worthless.

This will be the fuel you will need to continue to sabotage your happiness and set yourself up for more failure, uneasiness, and maybe even severe depression.

Are you excited about all the misery that is going to come?

Well, you haven’t seen anything yet.

We still have 9 more steps to go.

MISERY!

HELL YEAH!

Step 2: Start Getting Out Of Shape 

Ten Step Guide To Being Miserable

Why look good? Why be healthy? And why think you deserve to be desired by others?

Get these foolish thoughts out of that silly brain of yours.

Get so out of shape that when you walk by a mirror you shiver and repulse in shame at how you let yourself go. 

This is a key step in really developing that miserable state of living.

If you hate yourself internally and really want to hate yourself more then try this diet, it will make you hate your external look to go along with the hatred you have for your internal look. 

This strict diet you will need to follow will be tough.

But stick with it and you will be able to get one of those driving carts to move around due to no longer be able to support your own weight. 

Excited?

What you need to eat is: 

  • Pizza
  • Burger
  • Bacon (EAT AS MUCH AS YOU CAN! And hell, you don’t even have to cook it. Just cram it all in your mouth.)
  • Protein Shake? – Yeah right, more like a MILKSHAKE. Am I right? Who needs a protein shake when you have a fatty unhealthy milkshake, right? “We ain’t trying to get swole. We are trying to get fat.”
  • Chips
  • Fries – Kidney stones? Please, more like stones of champions. Am I right?
  • Ice cream
  • Candy
  • Pies
  • Cakes

Anything that is processed make sure to eat a lot of it.

And the icing on this already amazing diet is that you don’t even need to exercise. Hell, you don’t even need to get out of your bed. Which will really help increase the misery.

MISERY!

HELL YEAH!

Step 3: Play Sad Depressing Songs ALL THE TIME 

Hey, you will need some motivation to stay unhappy. Kick that “uplifting music” out of here and start listening to songs that remind you of the person who made you feel like crap. 

Find a song that MAKES you feel depressed.

Live in the melodrama and allow yourself to always be the victim.

Heroes are not miserable.

Only victims are.

And if you want to be miserable keep playing and being a victim of the past.

If you keep waiting long enough, someone will come along and save you from yourself.

Well, at least that is a possibility.

But even if not…who cares.

MISERY!

HELL YEAH!

Step 4: Stalk The Person Who Made You Miserable

The best way to keep the flames of misery burning is by stalking the person who made you miserable. That will really keep those feelings you have and thoughts you have burning.

The fact that they did you wrong and moved on so quickly will really make your “worthlessness” that much profound.

Just seeing them happy will make you feel like you are not good enough.

And the stalking, well that will make you even crazier and look crazy.

They can even use that stalking against you.

And how beneficial is that for THEM.

MISERY!

HELL YEAH!

Step 5: Talk About How Wronged You Were To Everyone You Come Across

Learn to play the violin or download a sad violin song.

Bring up your past every chance that you get.

If someone talks about politics; bring up your negative past.

When someone talks about the new latest movie that is out; talk about your past.

If someone is listening to a happy cheerful song; bring up your past.

When someone takes a shit; bring up your past.

If someone you want to talk to about your past is sleep; wake them up out of their slumber and talk about your past.

Why move the hell on to a new brighter future, when you can remain in the old, cold, dark past.

We get only one life, why the hell live it, right?

Who needs to elevate and be happy when you can stay stuck in a low state of misery?

MISERY!

HELL YEAH!

Step 6: Constantly Tell Yourself How Much Of A Loser You Are

Positive affirmations?

Please, only idiots tell themselves empowering things. The best thing you can do is to tell yourself over and over how stupid you were for daring to make a mistake.

We are all supposed to be perfect in life. We don’t have the right to make mistakes.

As human beings, with limited understanding in an unlimited reality of possibilities, making a mistake is unheard of.

If you made a mistake, misread someone’s actions, dared to forgive scumbags, and just overlooked certain actions YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.

AND YOU SHOULD BE MISERABLE.

Feel miserable about yourself because YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS EVER MADE POOR DECISIONS.

YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS DARED TO ALLOW LOVE TO BLIND YOU.

AND YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS BEEN TAKEN FOR A RIDE AND MADE A FOOL.

So feel 1000% shameful for not knowing, seeing, and understanding the complexity of reality and people that are in it.

Continue to beat yourself up for being human. That will surely keep you miserable.

Did I mention that you should also tell yourself how stupid you are?

Remember to keep telling yourself you are stupid.

Okay?! You big stupid dummy head.

Nyeh!

Step 7: Do Not Forgive Yourself

One of the best ways to continue to torture yourself into feeling miserable is by not forgiving yourself.

By not forgiving yourself you can always feel that shame, humiliation, anger, and misery.

Self-forgiveness will free you from this torture.

By not forgiving yourself you will always remain in a torturous state of feeling miserable.

Step 8: Greet The Day With Anxiety

Who needs a powerful morning ritual?

The only way to start your day off is by feeling miserable. It is not waking up early and capturing hold of your day. Wake up any time you want.

Only idiots wake up early to crush their day and take hold of their lives.

Miserable people don’t control their days. They let the days control them.

Step 9: Green Tea? How About Strong Alcohol To Start Your Day Off

When you wake up, go straight to the bottle.

Forget peeing or stretching.

Make sure you have that bottle right next to you, so you can feel so numb to the day you will experience.

Hey, if you don’t have to think too hard, you won’t have to find a way out of your miserable state.

See, I am giving you nothing but golden nuggets of information here.

Use them wisely, grasshoppers!

Step 10: Stop Using Your Medication

Peeshaw!

Throw away your pills that are keeping you even.

What do doctors, psychologists, therapists, and other mental PROFESSIONALS know?

Nothing!

That’s what they know.

Am I right?

Sure, I am right.

Throw those pills down the drain and embrace being unhinged.

Ride the roller coaster ride of misery down into the lowest pits of existence.

The Ten Step Guide To Feeling Miserable

WHOOOOOOOO-HAAAAAAAAAA!

Are you excited?

If so, then you read this guide wrong.

You need and should feel like crap.

If you are happy READ THIS OVER AGAIN you big stupid dummy head.

And if you have read it and are more miserable now than before, share it.

Share the misery.

Why sit in your misery alone?

You know it doesn’t like to be alone.

Because misery loves company.

Long live a miserable life.

MISERY!

HELL YEAH!

THIS IS A SPOOF: Ten Step Guide To Being Miserable

Listen, this is a spoof article.

There is NOTHING good about feelings and being miserable.

We are human.

We err.

Make ignorant decisions.

We falter.

Stumble.

Hurt.

Cause pain to others and ourselves.

We go through life with no manuscript on how to live it.

We learn.

Misery does nothing but takes from you/us the gift of not only life but the gift that is you/us.

When you feel misery, you rob not only the world of your greatness (because you are), but you rob yourself of your greatness.

There is nothing great about wasting your potential.

There is nothing great about wallowing around in the past.

And there is nothing great about being miserable.

I promise you, you are not the only one who regrets being with certain people.

I promise you, that you are not the only one who has made foolish mistakes.

And I promise you, that you are not the only one who feels so miserable about your life’s decisions.

But you can change that around.

Check out my “100 Ways To let Go and Move On” article.

We get one life to live. live it while you can.

Be happy and successful with your ONE life.

Misery?!

HELL NO!

About Author

I call myself the Rational Humorist. Narcs to me are cancer to humanity. The only way to beat cancer is to fight back against it.

The best way to defeat a narc is to see them as the jokes they are.

(7) Comments

  1. Gloría Rizo says:

    Reverse psychology really works wonders, I read the whole article because I knew the end outcome, why dwell in misery, right? Happiness comes from within ourselves and so is misery!!! Let’s choose wisely!!!

  2. I found your blog through tailwind tribes. I am not married to a narc, but I have worked with them, went to church with them, and have siblings that are. I am to the point now that when I recognize it, I ruthlessly cut them off. It takes me a bit to catch on that they are narcs because I’m a person who tries to see the best in people, even when they don’t deserve it. I think I’m a bit of a doormat, honestly. I told my therapists that I’m now at the point where I don’t want friends, don’t want relationships, don’t want to work in an office…I just enjoy being alone. I like my dog. No one is going to hurt me at home. But I know that’s not always good. We have to be around people. And I still do…I just don’t prefer it. He told me that I was normal. I know I attract narcs because I’m empathetic, introverted, and want to please others. Somehow I have to learn that I’m more important than other people. If I could manage to do that, then I wouldn’t need to avoid people for fear of being destroyed by them.

    1. Hello,

      Yes, I do believe that narcs are everywhere. And the comfort of juts staying by ourselves can feel pleasurable. But friendships, relationships, and a strong community fo good people is what life should be all about.

      I am also introverted and I understand your point of view.

      But don’t give up on HUMAN BEINGS, people okay. But not human beings.

      That is what narcs want.

      They want us to feel afraid, hopeless and weary of everyone we come into contact with.

      You sound like a good soul.

      I wish you nothing but the best in life.

      1. Yes I am currently unemployed and have an opportunity to interview at a new company. After dealing with super awful people at my last job that ruined my health, I’m struggling to jump back into working. But I feel like I need to give it another shot. Not every work place is toxic. I think that place was the exception, not the rule. But there definitely are narcs everywhere which I have to be better about navigating.

        1. I know exactly where you are coming from. I have been fired UNJUSTLY from som many jobs. I work for myself now. I hope this interview works out for you and that you will be able to find a good place to work with other people.

          1. I have a website I’m trying to work towards monetizing. (Buckcreativeco.com) and if that pans out, I’d love to work for myself. But we’ll see. I am married to an unhealthy person…not a narc but still emotionally devastating to deal with so I am hoping either my freelance stuff works out or I get a decent job so I can leave. I hope to do it in the next 4 years so I have some time. Right now I choose to focus on me instead of my marriage which I can’t fix. I attract weirdos so I’m hoping to live small and away from them. Maybe that’s weird but I’m tired of being hurt by hurtful asses.

          2. BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO!

            There is NOTHING…I REPEAT NOTHING…wrong with you putting yourself first.

            I feel your pain, especially with a ‘loved one’ trying to help them and them just refusing.

            Check out this article, “there are over 100 companies that hire online, where you can earn money from home. And they pay very well. With most paying $20 an hour, and you can do it on your own time.

            I really applaud you for saying NO MORE and taking the steps, small or big, to make a change.

            So many people sit passively by, it always makes me happy to see people take the steps to make a change in their life.

            I wish you success.

            https://ihatemyjobnboss.com/100-online-jobs-that-pay-weekly-bi-weekly/

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