Why Do I Hate Myself: This Is Why You Hate Yourself
“The act of loving oneself is a SKILL that must be cultivated. Sadly, this is a skill that so many of us ever learn.” – Laughing At Narcs
Self-hatred is a plague on society. Many people whom we interact with on a daily basis, who come across as angry, rude, crude, upset, and just annoying to be around, are, in fact, people who are just hurt, angry, and full of self-hatred.
Self-hatred permeates much of society, and this is self-evident in an increase of depression amongst our current generation, the Suicide rate is rising amongst teens and men and Depression amongst women has been steadily climbing.
Narcissism, the 21st-century major characteristic trait (NPD is a personality disorder), has destroyed so many lives.
Lives of not only the victims… but the narcissist themselves.
In this article, I want to outline the different reasons as to why you hate yourself and by the end of it hopefully help you gain some strength, even if a minute amount, to start loving yourself.
This Is Why You Hate Yourself
1 – Social Influence: You Allow The Hatred Of Others To Influence How You Feel About Yourself
Narcissists, despite their, “I’m so great” attitude, are people who really are just hurt people who have a massive hatred for themselves.
This “false bravado” is especially true when you are talking about the covert narcissist.
Covert narcissists are so full of self-hatred, worthlessness, and they have a very fragile ego. As a result of this, these people have an innate need to make others around them feel just as bad as they are.
“Misery loves company”, and insecurity loves to spread itself across its local community; like a cancerous disease.
The covert narcissist’s mediocre outlook on life is what makes so many of these people have such a strong desire to tear down everyone they see around them.
Case and point.
This is why a beautiful woman who works in an office space who outshines her other female co-workers, will be the bane of her female co-worker’s existence.
Simply coming to work and doing her job, getting on good graces with the boss, and excelling at the job is like a knife in the female co-worker’s hearts.
When you couple this strong work ethic with the idea that she is also beautiful, that hurts the narcissists on a massive level.
They feel less than, and her doing as much as she can, as well as being very attractive, not only makes them FEEL less than, it also SHOWS, they are inferior.
So, to defend their mediocrity, they will try and sabotage her. They will spread rumors and gossip about her. They will try and gaslight her and make her seem like she is the wrong person for not talking, for not smiling, for not helping her co-workers out and for just being a MEAN PERSON.
Now, to combat this, the shiny female employee may compromise and start talking and engaging more.
But even when she does this, they will still find a reason to hate her.
The covert narcissist’s hatred for her stems from their insecurity.
Because the covert narcissists feel as if they cannot shine as bright as she can, the covert narcissists will do everything they can to smudge her image and make her hate herself as much as they hate her.
The “collective hatred” that they will all thrust upon her will then plant itself in the woman’s mind. And she will now think she is a bad person.
If they can break her emotionally, they will feel like they have done something great.
Narcissists, along with people who hate themselves, all flock together and unite under the banner of insecurity. They defend their mediocrity by destroying that which they deem great.
Continually being told over and over, to the point that it becomes Ad nauseam, YOU are the issue — can have a significant impact on your self-esteem. And you will start to believe that YOU are a bad person.
This is just one form of how self-hatred is formed.
Now, the example above is just one form of why some people hate themselves. Many people still have that collective tribe mentality.
In the sense that, if a whole group of people thinks something is bad or good, then they must be right, right?
For many people, the self-hatred they have for themselves is due to how they feel others perceive them.
This way of thinking is an imprisonment that SO MANY PEOPLE willfully allow.
So many people see themselves by how others see them. They view themselves as a good person or a bad person by how others view them.
This social influence shapes so many lives and is one of but several reasons why so many people hate themselves.
This “comparison game” is causing a lot of people to have a massive amount of hatred for themselves.
Marcus Aurelius once said, “When another blames you or hates you, or people voice similar criticisms, go to their souls, penetrate inside and see what sort of people they are. You will realize that there is no need to be racked with anxiety that they should hold any particular opinion about you.”
2 – You Are Holding Yourself To impossible Standards
For many of us, who are empaths, we are very lenient on the world.
Hell, we forgive people when they do the most blatant and obvious wrongdoings to us. But dear god in heaven if we don’t smile at the neighbor when we see them.
God, we are such monsters.
We are too forgiving to the world and too harsh and critical on ourselves.
And although we are all in need of forgiveness and not above being imperfect, there must be a cut off to how much misdeeds by others are slung our way, that we allow.
Is it fair to forgive someone who would destroy your life? But not forgive yourself for not smiling at that clerk.
Is it fair to have compassion for the person who spreads rumors about you? But not have compassion for yourself for defending yourself.
Is it fair to care about everyone else’s problem in the world? But never ever consider your own health.
You cannot help others and be a hero to others when you cannot be a hero to yourself.
This is not selfishness.
This is the ultimate act of you becoming your best version.
This idea that you NEED to be someone’s hero, that you need to be their rock, their comfort, their…PARENT is a ludicrous notion, especially when you are dealing with a kidult narcissist.
They don’t see you as a hero. They see you as a parent or as an emotional punching bag.
And you DO NOT have to be that.
You do the world NO GOOD when you sacrifice your happiness for this insane idea that you MUST be their perfect partner.
There is NO SUCH THING AS PERFECTION.
And if there were such a thing, do you think a person, as broken as a narcissist, deserves to be with someone like that?
But think about it.
3 – You Are A Finite Being In What Seems To Be An Infinite Reality
For those of us who have just left the narcissist, either though being discarded or leaving ourselves, the idea of leaving them after being with them for years to decades can make us have a massive hatred for ourselves.
We tell ourselves:
“I was so stupid for staying so long.”
“What an idiot I was for putting up with them for so long.”
“God, I am such a jerk for ignoring the red flags.”
“Why…why…did I not leave earlier. I wasted so much of my life.”
The time that we gave to the narcissist feels like it was stolen.
It feels like we wasted it and that we literally had a part of us taken from us.
This can make us feel violated.
And it is this violation that hurt us on a massive level.
The time that we lost…hurts us.
And it is okay to be upset. It is okay to be angry.
But it is not okay to hate yourself.
Because when you hate yourself, you are still robbing yourself of your time.
By focusing on the time that has been lost, you lose the time you have ahead of you.
And this makes the narcissist extremely happy. They delight in knowing that they are still taking your time. To the narcissist, wasting someone’s time is a huge achievement.
This may be in part because narcissists don’t feel as if they can do anything in life. And so, as a result, if they can stop others from achieving something, that somehow evens things out in their insane reality.
For many narcissists, these parasites know that they cannot enter into someone’s heart. But with their wacky “Looney Toons” antics, they can enter into many people’s minds by borrowing their parasite essence in our minds with their negative actions.
This is more the reason that one must go NO CONTACT and cleanse themselves from the toxic walking creatures that are a narcissist.
What they have done to you were just tactics to plant their self-hatred into you.
Taking your time, and knowing you cannot get it back, makes the narcissist happy, and it makes you hate yourself for giving it to them.
Cultivate The Skill Of Self-Love By Being Defiant
You must get to the point where you REFUSE ever to hate yourself. And I know for many they are saying “that’s easier said than done.”
But here is the thing, and what I tell myself daily, “I AM GOING TO DIE.”
This life that we live, no matter how many mistakes (LESSONS) we have made (LEARNED), we are only HUMAN. We expect less from others but expect supreme perfection from ourselves.
And is that fair?
This…is a given.
But the act of loving oneself unconditional in a world that wants you to hate yourself is one of the most defiant and revolutionary acts that one can ever do.
TAKE UP ARMS AGAINST THE SEA OF HATRED YOU WILL RECEIVE IN LIFE
I refuse…DEFIANTLY REFUSE to hate myself for being human and living out this experience, that we call life, the best way that I KNOW HOW.
We get one go at life, and no matter what mistakes you made, how stupid you may have appeared in OTHER’S eyes, or the wrongs you may have done…you are only human.
There is no blueprint, no guide book, or no trailed path (well, no beaten path for the individual who chose to be and remain an individual) that will get you to a life where you make no mistakes.
People who hate you and want you to hate yourself are people who have a massive hatred for themselves.
Hurt people hurt others.
And people who…tell you to “go and kill yourself” are people who have massive suicidal ideation daily.
You will never find a person who is happy with who they are going out to make others feel bad about who they are.
You will never find a person who is successful, trying to make other failures in life.
And you will never find a person who is full of self-love trying to make others hate who they are.
You Have To Develop Self-Love By Practicing It On A Daily Basis
I promise you this…
You are not the only one who has lost time.
You are not the only one who has ignored the red flags.
I promise you that you are not the only one who has lost their cool and lost to a narcissist.
I promise you you are not the only one to lose who you are.
You are not the only one who has been hurt by these people, and they got away with it.
You are not the only one who has regretted so much.
How do I know?
Because I have done so many of the formers.
I have had so many narcissists tear me down and damage my image and reputation.
I have had so many do so much to try and make me hate myself.
And for a time, I massively hated myself.
I hated myself for being used, mistreated, wronged, hurt, lied to you, MADE A FOOL IN FRONT OF HUNDREDS.
I refuse…DEFIANTLY FU*KING REFUSE TO HATE MYSELF.
Because to hate myself is to make the narcissist, I have had the unfortunate experience of meeting, happy.
My life…will be for me.
And any mistakes I have made, I will see them as a lesson.
Any losss I have gained, I will see them as stepping stones.
And any enemies I have made I will see them as teachers.
I am a WARRIOR. And empathic warrior who refuses to give up on himself.
And you too must be as defiant as I am.
You must force yourself to love yourself.
Will it be easy?
But it sure as hell is worth it.
Self-hatred is so easy to have.
But self-love is so worth fighting for.
Be defiant. Be resilient. And be strong enough to love who you.
Self-hatred gets you NOWHERE IN LIFE.
Just look at narcissist.
No Shame In Therapy
Narcissistic people can do a wonder on someone’s mind and psychology.
In fact, I wrote an article called “10+ Mental Illnesses Caused By Staying With A Narcissists“.
The narcissists and their legion of fools can slowly drive you insane. And sometimes the best help you can ever receive is from a stranger.
When everyone around you is trying to convince you that YOU are the bad person, sometimes an objective view of you from someone you don’t know maybe what saves you from drowning in the sea of insanity the narc and their legion of fools try and drown you in.
Therapy can help heal in ways that reading blogs, listening to videos, and talking with other WARRIORS (we are not survivors, we are warriors) can ever do.
Join my Facebook Fan Page “No Shame In Therapy” to get a 20% discount on your first-month session, as well as articles and updates on the benefits of therapy.
Narcs have a legion of fools behind them to hurt you, I think it would be a good thing to build your own army of warriors and allies to help stand by your side.