Getting back the years after being with a Narcissistic person can feel like a task that is not feasible. But it is. And in this article, I show you how.
Time is our most precious commodity. Unfortunately for many us, we never understand, or appreciate, the value of time…until it is too late.
When we look back at our life and see how much time we WASTED with the narcissists, it can be a devastating realization. That the months, the years, the…decades that we gave to the narc were used in a rather wasteful way.
And for many of us, it can feel like we have been cheated. The amount of regret that we feel can be at times…overwhelming.
This is normal.
This is understandable.
Time cannot be given back.
But we CAN TAKE time back.
And I know…it hurts. But the time we have left — we need to use to the best of our ability.
When You Feel Like You Just Wasted So Much Time
The realization of giving someone so much of our lives is a pain that is unlike anything else in this world. I know for myself when I realized I was being used and manipulated that the years I gave to the Narcissistic person, felt like they were…STOLEN from me.
I felt like:
“How dare they take my time.”
“How dare they take my life.”
“Who do they think they are to manipulate me.”
So, I know…I know how it feels at an emotional level.
But I also realized that if I kept on ruminating over the past (years to which I can never get back) I will waste the years I have left.
And as cliche or anti-climatic an answer this may sound, it is a truth that I had to accept for me to…MOVE ON and appreciate MY LIFE all over again.
I know for many, the idea of just moving on is an absurd way of looking at what has been lost.
But the true absurdity is to keep giving time and energy to a narc…LONG AFTER THEY HAVE GONE.
See, when you ruminate over the years you lost… you lose the years you have in front of you.
Life doesn’t end in your thirties or forties.
Life ends…when we are dead.
As demoralizing as this may sound. We don’t get a second chance at this thing called life.
You may feel like you lost your looks, your body, your beauty.
But beauty, strength, and LOVE are things that cannot be seen (solely) but felt.
And as we grow we should become better.
The narc relationship may have taken our time but it also GAVE us an understanding.
The Narcissistic Person Didn’t Take From Us…They Gave To Us
Learning to reframe the experience with the narc is NOT ignoring what they did. It is not forgetting what they did. It is not lying about what they did.
At the end of it all, It is US looking at the experience FROM A HIGHER VANTAGE POINT.
I make it no secret that WE MUST ALWAYS…ALWAYS…ALWAYS take the higher ground.
We must always be the bigger person…the stronger person…THE BETTER PERSON.
We must climb and elevate to a higher level of understanding and being.
And to become our best version IS ONLY POSSIBLE by going through suffering and pain.
Nobody who has done anything great or extraordinary in life did so by having an easy life.
You may be in your forties or fifties but your life DOES NOT have to end there.
If you left your narc and feel like you have lost something…you didn’t.
You learned, and you must reframe the relationship, so much from the narc
Primarily, what not to be.
The narc is a shattered being NOT a broken being.
They can never be put back together.
But we can.
We can never get back the time we lost.
But we can get back the time we have.
And it starts by reframing the past to create a better future.
Feel free to read my most recent post: How To Find A Healthy Relationship After A Narc Relationship
No Shame In Therapy
Narcissistic people can do a wonder on someone’s mind and psychology.
In fact, I wrote an article called “10+ Mental Illnesses Caused By Staying With A Narcissists“.
The narcissist and their legion of fools can slowly drive you insane. And sometimes the best help you can ever receive is from a stranger.
When everyone around you is trying to convince you that YOU are the bad person, sometimes an objective view of you from someone you don’t know maybe what saves you from drowning in the sea of insanity the narc and their legion of fools try and drown you in.
Therapy can help heal in ways that reading blogs, listening to videos, and talking with other WARRIORS (we are not survivors, we are warriors) can ever do.
Join my Facebook Fan Page “No Shame In Therapy” to get a 20% discount on your first-month session, as well as articles and updates on the benefits of therapy.
Narcissist have a legion of fools behind them to hurt you, I think it would be a good thing to build your own army of warriors and allies to help stand by your side.