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Why You Aren’t Healing After Your Split With The Narcissist: Healing Word Of Truth

Why You Aren't Healing

Healing Word Of Truth

Why you aren’t healing after your split with the toxic cesspool that is a narcissist, has very little to do with them and more about what you want. You have finally left your narcissists.

Maybe this has arisen due to you being discarded or perhaps by you just walking away because you couldn’t stand their kidults mentality anymore.

You should feel and be happy!

No more drama.

No more chaos.

And no more IRRATIONALITY.

But you just can’t let go and heal.

And you may be wondering…

WHY?

You know they were no good for you.

You know that life is really better without them in it.

And you know that going back to them would be sacrificing your happiness.

So, why?

Why?

WHY…CAN’T…YOU…BE …HAPPY???

The answer is because you want them to regret what they did to you. You want them to have some remorse and show that they understand the pain they put you through.

But here’s the thing.

Narcissists are kidults who will NEVER apologize or feel bad about the wrongs they have done to you.

You want to move on and be happy.

And I know…

You want them to KNOW and suffer and feel regret about you leaving.

But it is this thinking that is halting your healing process.

Why You Aren’t Healing After Your Split With The Narcissist: Healing Word Of Truth

You think that in the narcissist saying “sorry“, and then realizing the pain they put you through that your healing will finally begin.

That just in having some type of closure you will finally move on.

But you have to understand this.

THEY DO NOT GIVE CLOSURE!

And the reason is that they want you to keep thinking about them.

NARCS ARE ATTENTION WHORES!!!!

They feed and survive on attention; like parasites.

They know that if they kick you to the curb and hurt you so badly you will keep thinking about them.

Or at the very least, this is what they want.

And this is exactly why I preach the good gospel of No Contact.

When you go no contact and do not seek their apology or the closure from them…that KILLS THEM.

“Preach Laughing At Narcs!”

“Preach on Brother!”

Okay! Okay!

Educational Church is in Session.

Listen, these people want to leave a scar on you.

Why?

So you always have something to remember them by.

Not acknowledging what they have done and not seeking an apology messes them up.

It shows them how unimportant they are. But more importantly, it shows them how IRRELEVANT THEY ARE.

You Are The One Hurting Yourself NOT THE NARC: Healing Word Of Truth

Understand this, every time you think about how they wronged you…YOU ARE PLACING YOURSELF BACK INTO THAT PAIN.

Every time you pine for their apology…YOU ONLY FIRE UP THE “WRONGS” THEY DID TO YOU.

And every time you say why you can’t heal and move on because of what they did to you…YOU DO THEIR JOB FOR THEM.

Chill And Find The Pleasure In Your Freedom

They may never apologize for their actions.

And you know what?

That is 1000% okay.

You don’t need their apology to heal and move on in life. The best revenge is just moving on and being happy. And the icing on the cake is that they will live the rest of their lives being the embodiment of insanity they are.

We get one go at this amazing thing called life.

Live it well and live it WHILE YOU CAN!

No Shame In Therapy

Narcissistic people can do a wonder on someone’s mind and psychology. 

In fact, I wrote an article called “10+ Mental Illnesses Caused By Staying With A Narcissists“.

The narcissists and their legion of fools can slowly drive you insane. And sometimes the best help you can ever receive is from a stranger. 

When everyone around you is trying to convince you that YOU are the bad person, sometimes an objective view of you from someone you don’t know maybe what saves you from drowning in the sea of insanity the narc and their legion of fools try and drown you in. 

Therapy can help heal in ways that reading blogs, listening to videos, and talking with other WARRIORS (we are not survivors, we are warriors) can ever do. 

Join my Facebook Fan Page “No Shame In Therapy” to get a 20% discount on your first-month session, as well as articles and updates on the benefits of therapy.

Narcs have a legion of fools behind them to hurt you, I think it would be a good thing to build your own army of warriors and allies to help stand by your side. 

About Author

I call myself the Rational Humorist. Narcs to me are cancer to humanity. The only way to beat cancer is to fight back against it.

The best way to defeat a narc is to see them as the jokes they are.

(23) Comments

  1. Kimberly says:

    (MY EXPERIENCE AND OPINION ONLY) I have to say I can’t agree with much of this. I was in a wonderful relationship with an amazing man, For 9 and a half to ten years, our relationship was amazingly perfect. BUT then the narcissistic KIDULT moved way to damn close. Heck it was like she moved in with us. It was very heartbreaking and a bit confusing at first. And it pit an enormous amount of stress in mine and my boyfriend’s (her father) relationship. The year long closeness of the NARC~KIDULT, was very tiring, load, irritating, nonstop drama, constantly in our biz, constantly crying for her way, constantly all up in my house making a big mess (and never cleaning up after herself), constantly coming in our house and in our room all night every night throwing a fit, PISSY as hell everywhere we went (and believe me she was with us EVERYWHERE we were) and if we did happen to get away from the house without her, I kid you not SHE CAME AND FOUND US. It was forsure and without a doubt a very traumatic experience in every sense. I’ll admit, at first I would get really upset with my boyfriend. I couldn’t understand why he would continue to put up with her actions. We even had a few arguments about it. As time pressed on, I couldn’t deal with her lack of compassion for others, her lack of respect for her father, her lack of effort to help in any way, her lack of effort to get to know people before she would be extremely cruel to them and then make fun of them for feeling the pain that she caused. It truly got really depressing, hurtful, confusing, and heartbreaking. I started spending a lot of time in my room. Not sure that was the right thing to do for me. Because I can still hear her manipulating her father in many ways. Can still hear her ramble about all kinds of things knowing that she’s misleading her father and baiting him up to serve him massive doses of the “poor me, poor me me me” bullshit pie, either before she done something stupid or right after doing something stupid. Over time I realized that all parents love their children and we all want to trust in them and help them. I realize that he was truly trying. He would tell her to “go home” He would get in her ass for keeping us up all night every night. He would fuss at her for being nosy,
    crazy, and stupid by following us, and how she was only wasting gas. I’ve heard him tell her that he is grown and very able to do things without her being up his ass ALL THE TIME. I’ve seen him get frustrated with her on numerous accusations and he would hiss at her to “STOP!!!”, “GO HOME NOW!!!!!!”, “YOU KNOW YOUR MESSING UP, I SAID GO HOME NOW!!!!!!!”, But being the oddsessive narcissistic brat that she IS, she would just turn on the tears along with the poor me card AGAIN and worked her manipulating, fast talking, lying, conniving crap till she finally got her way. And over time she finally split us up. Its was truly a living hell. I mean REALLY, I was thinking that I was the luckiest girl in the world with the man that is my world. Never in a million years would I have thought we wouldn’t be together for ever. So yes I have had a really hard time getting past all of it. And I’ll admit that for a very long time I didn’t think I would heal. But I am healing. I’m learning more and more that I can’t hold him responsible for his daughter’s crap. I’m learning that he is a victim also. Probably more so, because I can walk away from her, but he is stuck being her father for the rest of his life. THATS ENOUGH TO MAKE A PERSON CRY. I am getting on with my life. I’m here helping my 72 year old mother. I live with a friend I’ve known for years. I’m happy more than not. No not as happy as I was are could be, But I also believe in my heart that he will see one day that I done the best I could with what I had, and I love him so unconditionally just as I always have. And I don’t need an apology from anyone. Lovin him unconditionally means there’s unconditional forgiveness without explanation. I understand his actions more than anyone else. ~ apology from her? …… HELL NO !! That’s funny as hell, No.1 she damn sure wouldn’t mean it, she would just be saying it for face value (Reputation) are because she either wants something are she’s trying to lay more bullshit manipulation on me. No.2, I REALLY don’t believe ANYTHING that spills out of her mouth. She’s told so many lies that she can’t keep them straight herself. No.3, I don’t want her anywhere close to me at all!! Its nice not having her go through my stuff. If she was to come up to me and apologize, I would swear she is only around me to go through EVERYTHING I HAVE yes even my undies. I say NO WAY do I need anything from her
    not even an apology. So if she feels the need to apologize, let her. But I promise you it won’t mean sqat to me. We all know that narcissistic people don’t feel remorse, so what would be the point in needing them to apologize.

  2. BINGO. EXACTLY. PREACH IT! Healing from a malignant narcissistic spouse (divorce soon!). Grey rocking for minimal communication ONLY about taxes and divorce. These are the only topics I will engage in (only via email and made that clear to narc, cell phone blocked). When I respond, it is dull, to the point, and zero drama. No supply for my narc! They’re on a fasting diet right now. Lol.

    1. I believe I am healing. I have a life now and stay busy except weekends so I read. About once a month the memories return and I remember how he treated me and how I endured it for 45 years. I keep reminding myself at those times that I am better off without him. I can’t say that I miss him. Hopefully the memories will lessen with time. I am no contact and the the divorce will be final soon.

      1. Kes Marie says:

        I’m not doing so well 🙁
        I stay upbeat at work because the patients have their own crisis to deal with and I’m pretty sure that me bursting into tears just before surgery wouldn’t inspire much confidence. But when I get home I sit in my car and cry. I hate having to be alone in my house so I just sit in the car. I am so broken inside and I can’t stop hurting. I was in a 6 yr relationship with a violent man who fractured my skull. I was single for 10yrs after this and then I met ‘A’ and I was so very happy. I felt so lucky and everything I had been through seemed worthwhile now because I finally had somebody so wonderful that loved me and I felt safe and complete.
        He was a Narcissist.
        Nothing is worth anything. I must be such a crap person to have just had men who hate me. They both hurt my head but in different ways.
        I don’t care if I wake up anymore but when I do you will find me at work smiling and being chatty.
        I’m as fake as the narcissists.

        1. Patricia says:

          Noooo you aren’t ANYTHING like them gf !!!
          I’m sure what you’re going through is completely normal ….Please don’t think that way .
          As to you going to work and being ‘fake ‘ and smiling …….it’s because you are in survival mode !!
          You have to have money to pay the bills to keep your life going so don’t feel bad about that !
          you’re doing what you HAVE to do to keep your job & survive Girrrrl !
          You are nothing like them …..you are a compassionate person who is thinking of your patients well being ,along with getting by -day by day!
          (More like hour by hour I’m sure ;( )
          Please change your way of thinking and give yourself more credit because you surely deserve it !!
          Look for a narcissism group and meet ups there’s plenty of them ! It will actually do you song about trying to talk to people who have experienced the same thing … make yourself gI. Even if you don’t want to because I believe at the end of the group maybe you will be glad you did !
          And hey,…..what harm would come from it ?? None !!
          Use your anger and pain and turn it into strength ! You have a lot of strength – give yourself more credit !! The strength it took after two horribly
          painful relationships like you were in is a HELLUVA Strength to be proud of !!
          You survive for reasons of God has plans for you ! Bless you gf- I pray you realize all of this very soon & find peace in your heart 😉

        2. Lanie Lee says:

          Kes Marie I want you to know that you are a survivor not a victim. Pray daily and stay strong. This too shall pass. God Bless You. 🙏❤

        3. I’m so sorry you are in the midst of surviving one of the darkest periods of your life. I was with a Narc for 20 years. It has been 3 years and I am still recovering every day. I know this is difficult to hear but it takes time to heal. I do not know how long it has been since you split from the Narc but you are in recovery just as if you had been hit by a car. You had a very traumatic physical injury from the first man. You finally found someone after a long time only to be traumatically injured again. Do not get this wrong — you have been to war. You sound like you are suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) which is not uncommon after being with a Narc. Please, know there are many of us that understand. You are not alone. We have all felt these same feelings as you are right now. Do a search through Google to find a support group near you. There are many that could be helping you get through these very painful times. If you can’t find a group, look for a therapist who specializes in trauma. Many of them work on sliding scales so they can work with whatever money you can afford. This is your life — it is precious and valuable. That Narc found you because you are kind, loving and giving — not because he hated you. He is a predator. He looked for someone smart and loving to hold him up while he spent every day lying. He is good at lying. He has been doing it his entire life. You are not remotely fake. You are trying to survive and feel well enough to get to work without falling apart. That doesn’t make you fake. On the contrary, that is the most real thing a person can do. Breaking up with one of these people is so painful because you have been manipulated and lied to. When you have seen a side of him that made you feel like a princess, your brain can not believe this person can be so cruel. Unfortunately, the person that hurt you is the real person and not the pretend nice guy who was only nice to you so he could hurt you in the long run. This is not about you being worthless or dumb or hated or any of the bad things you think about yourself right now. This is about you truly loving someone in as real and genuine a way as you knew how and him taking advantage of that. That is what predators do. You have been through so much. My heart goes out to you because I know how much pain you are in right now and there is nothing I can do to make it easier for you. But I can reassure you that it will pass. When you begin speaking to others, you will find out how many people are hurt by these monsters. You will look at others and realize that they are all loving people just like yourself. I suggest you Google “Narcissists” or any form of that word like “Narcissist Support Groups”. You will be absolutely shocked by how many sites there are about this. You can read the stories of thousands and thousands of people just like you and what they did to heal. This is going to help you, I promise. Also, please go to Quora.com and search for Narcissist. Again, there are many very smart, loving people just like yourself that can share their own experiences and what helped them get better. You can ask questions of any of these people. You can share your story — and I encourage you to share it with people who understand. Many people will not understand — even your own family may not understand and may tell you to just “get over it”. It doesn’t work like that. Instead of being hurt by people who don’t understand and can not give you the support you need right now. People on Quora can help you understand what happened. Here is another site you can go to and find answers to get support for yourself: https://narcissistabusesupport.com/narcissist-abuse-support-groups/. Your email address will be confidential on these sites if you are concerned about that. You have taken the first step by coming here and reaching out. You will find out more than you ever wanted to know about Narcs. But you will also find out a great deal about yourself. This is the beginning of a huge change in your life. This is the beginning of you valuing yourself like you never have before. Your life is so precious, Kes Marie, and you deserve only the best. You have to believe that. Your pain reminds me how fragile we all can be and how difficult it is to pick ourselves back up when we feel like we just can’t. I didn’t think I would ever be where I am today. I thought I would be broken and distrustful for the rest of my life. And that made me sad. When I got angry for everything this Narc put me through, I began to get better. I decided I wasn’t giving one more minute of my life to him. When you are thinking about them and suffering, they are still hurting you. He doesn’t deserve anymore of your life, Kes Marie. Thank you for coming here and sharing a small part of your story. We’re here for you — there is help available and most of all, there is hope for a much better future, I promise you. Let us know how you are doing, OK?

    2. Yes! Grey Rock is just as EFFECTIVE as going No Contact.

      Give these creatures no energy and they will shrivel up like the parasites they are.

      It sounds harsh.

      But I honestly see a strong connection between parasites and narcissists.

      I wrote an article about that, which you can read if you want.

      https://laughingatnarcs.com/index.php/2019/06/12/narcissists-are-parasites-and-we-are-the-host/

      You are doing the right thing.

    3. Joyce Smith says:

      Any research on the effect of a male narc on his male child? Does it increase the chance of the child becoming a narc adult ?

  3. I’m well aware of all the points made here. But, there are other reasons why I have difficulty with healing. And, it isn’t just about narcissistic abuse!!!

    1. Would you like to expand?

      If so, NOT here.

      I have a forum for people looking to heal

  4. What if you have a child with the Narc?
    My narc hurts me by keeping my boy away from me saying I’m on drugs and not a good role model… Etc… My soul family try to help me heal but she comes back to taunt me and dangle my son in front of me then hangs up on me…
    Any advice beyond legal?

    1. How old is your son?

      His age is going to a huge factor in the advise I have. And this would just be my opinion and thought.

      Let me know.

  5. Ramona king says:

    I am healing but waves of remembering are of variances. Sometimes it ends up in knowing this depresses me fruther. Other times that I know I am in control of better living than when with this manipulator. Other times just angry because I thought I knew him and his mental issues have him trapped and though I persevered to help him, I do not have the knowledge or ability to change anyone who does not know who they are. So It does take time and effort to stay on course.

    1. I believe I am healing. I have a life now and stay busy except weekends so I read. About once a month the memories return and I remember how he treated me and how I endured it for 45 years. I keep reminding myself at those times that I am better off without him. I can’t say that I miss him. Hopefully the memories will lessen with time. I am no contact and the the divorce will be final soon.

      1. OMG. 45 years you managed to endure narcissistic abuse and are still able to function or aren’t dead?! Incredible. You must have such inner strength. I lasted almost 7 years but it left me as a shell of a person I used to be and it took a long while to find myself again. There were times I couldn’t function afterward.

        WOW. Bravo to you for finally freeing yourself of all the madness. If you survived 45 years IN the relationship? You’ll be perfectly ok now that you’re out. It’ll take time, lots of time and self-care but 45 years proves you can and will do it 🙂

        1. Heartbroken says:

          We were married 40 years. He left me on our 40th anniversary for a woman not much older than our daughter, with children the same age as our grandchildren. Looking back through the years of narsasist abuse…i always thought it would get better. My family being intact was so very important. The pain the last year and a half has been unbearable, there were days I couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t function. To make it worse every time his girlfriend and him would fight he would come back. The last time was 3 weeks ago. It’s not going to work…to much pain, too many lies, no remorse or empathy for what he did. Turns everything around on me. A faithful loving hardworking wife and mother to his beautiful children. At times I hate him then love him. I’m a strong intelligent person, but so many times I did not believe that of myself, from the words that were so painful that came from his mouth. No contact now and finalizing the seperation. Very hard after more than 40 years…i understand how sick he is…and forgiveness is greater than hate. I have to move forward. It’s very difficult, have had counselling, support from friends family and coworkers…so lucky ….but I would be lying if I said I am healed. I pretend a great deal to be happy..just not there yet…but I know in time I will be. Its difficult with so many years, its like an addiction.

  6. Andrés says:

    Hello @Reason87, can you share the forum link with me? I am looking for a place to talk about this without being judged, a place where there are suggestions for men who were abused on the relationship and so on… everywhere I look at it, read, talk, comment, or try to expose my case, I have to see tons of things talking how men are evil, non capable to feel something, liers, cheaters… why cant’t people understand that there are good men out there, and also, bad women… I feel pretty bad and feel discriminated hard, do not help at all… narcissistic abusers are not a matter of GENDER is a matter of RESPECT and principles.

    1. Hello Andres,

      I wholly agree. In my forum, I have a place strictly designed for men who are dealing with narcissistic abuse.

      Before entering the forum, I ask that you read my rules.

      Understand that my forum is different from other forums as I am trying to UPLIFT and strengthen people who may otherwise fall weak and helpless to the onslaught of cynical and nihilistic thoughts and actions form the world.

      The forum is called “Empowering Empathic Warriors”

      There are three steps you must follow before finding the forum, it is a secret forum.

      https://empoweringempathicwarriors.com/

  7. Nasty girl says:

    I can’t for the love of God get over mean,i got sick and almost crazy, so i went back and begged him to take me back,that’s after i discovered he was cheating on me.
    He never apologised, and the lack of remorse killed me.
    He is blaming me for the cheating and stone walling me,he is saying that all that is happening because he is frustrated that we haven’t settled down and gotten married, we have been dating for 7 years,we don’t leave together

  8. Sandy says:

    Another way a narcissist damages you is by shooting down your strengths and accomplishments, destroying your self esteem and confidence. They hate it when you feel good about what you do well. They hate it when people like you better than them. They hate it if you have anything they don’t have. They dig for all they can find out about you, so they know how to destroy you by making you weak. Even if you leave them, you’re emotionally fragile. You were told you were too sensitive, unstable, stupid, while all they talked about was their exes. I could care less about the damn narcissist now, but my self esteem is still a work in progress. That’s the hell of it for me.

  9. Leviticus says:

    I’m still in the phase where I’m hoping she will apologize, but any attempt I make at getting closure results in her not even acknowledging that she hurt me. I’m not even sure that she’s a narcissist, but she behaves like one would.

    At the end of our 3 year relationship, she began to see another man that she met at her job. We had attempts of establishing an open relationship in the past but it never worked because she had poor communication skills and I didn’t really want that. When she began seeing this new guy, she would stay over his house for the night and then one night turned into two days and so fourth. She actually invited the guy to the house and introduced him to the children 4 days after meeting him. I told her I wouldn’t stand for this and that she would need to leave the house. She came to get her belongs and left half of her stuff behind only taking what she wanted. After she moved out, I began a stranger to her. She told me that this new man was going to be around and active in our children’s lives and I could come and meet him and get to know him.

    Fast forward, a month has gone by and she’s still living with him. I have my youngest daughter, but her oldest daughter—not my daughter by blood—stays with her friend because the guy has a one bedroom apartment.

    Now I’m torn because I want to initiate no contact so I can begin to heal and move on but feel like I can’t because we have a child together…how does one heal from that?

    1. I wrote a piece titled “Stop Waiting For The Apology“.

      Brother, these people will NEVER apologize for the wrongs they have committed. And waiting on that apology will only torture you more and more each day.

      You know…I was reading the works of Freidrich Nietzsche’s “Thus spoke Zarathrushra” before checking the comments section. What I read I feel can shed some light on your current situation.

      In this book, he talks about man and life.

      Life is a struggle.

      To be a man (a human being, an…EMPATH) is a struggle.

      He talks about how the only way to overcome life is to become an ubermensch, an overman…a SUPERIOR MAN.

      And the only way to become a superior man is to ACCEPT the hardships of life and to deal with the struggling in life.

      By accepting the hardships, and KNOWING that hardships will ALWAYS be there…but saying to yourself, “I welcome the hard times and I “WILL” overcome the hard times”, your healing can begin.

      I quoted the “will” above because Nietzche also wrote a book called “The Will To Power.”

      I often say, that we must fight to be happy. We must fight to be sane. We must fight to have a good life.

      There are SOOOOO MANY people out there who just want to be an agent of chaos and destruction.

      But this is more the reasons that we must “WILL” ourselves to be strong enough to handle the insanity, the irrationality, the unjustifiable and harsh attacks thrown our way in life.

      Your situation may seem hopeless, and that is excatly what narcissist want us to see and feel; hopeless.

      But I can guarantee you, that the relationship she has with the new dude will not last.

      If she left you, the father of her child for another man, she will leave him as well.

      The “love” she may display to him is intensified because she KNOWS you still want her.

      The moment you stop wanting her, and you must “will” yourself to do this…WILLPOWER IS A HELL OF A POWER, that will hurt her on a massive level.

      As for your kid, it is important to let the child know HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM.

      The mother has no idea how she is planting negative seeds in the child doing the thing she is doing.

      You have to be strong for the child.

      I am not a psychologist (yet) so this is all my opinion. But I have seen enough of these people do the things they do. They all do the same thing.

      If you need support then check out my secret forum here => https://empoweringempathicwarriors.com/

      And if you need professional help then check out my affiliate link here and speak with a therapist => https://www.online-therapy.com/?ref=143863

      Let that anger, shame, resentment, heartache…and PAIN, out by speaking with a professional; it can do wonders. Therapy is sorely overlooked.

      Don’t deal with that pain alone because it will drag you down into nihilism.

      Know that this honeymoon state she and her new “lover” are in is only temporary.

      This does not mean to go running back to her after they inevitably breakup…but this is how SO MANY OF THEM BEHAVE.

      And this also doesn’t mean to watch or keep tabs on them.

      But this is how so many of them end up.

      You have to think about the future, something they don’t do.

      Speak with a therapist, build a stronger connection with your child (that will pay off in a great way when they mature. You want a good connection with your child as they age. She will miss out on that later on), work on things that MAKE YOU HAPPY, DO THE NO CONTACT, join my forum, surround yourself with good people, read books on philosophy and ethics, and “WILL” yourself to be a stronger man. Either through praying or meditating.

      But focus on becoming a guy she will regret leaving. And I promise you, when you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, clean yourself up, strengthen yourself and become an Adonis (a god of a man) you will find a woman MUCH BETTER THAN HER.

      The confidence you will gain from this heartbreak will be an aphrodisiac to other women.

      But this can only happen once you decide to no longer let what she is doing to you bother you.

      Will yourself to focus on becoming the BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF.

      Will yourself to become strong, brother…that is how you can start to heal.

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