Do you find yourself constantly doubting yourself and feeling anxious in your relationship? If so, then these may be clear gaslighting examples. And you may want to reconsider (STRONGLY reconsider) your relationship with this partner.
Walking around on eggshells, constantly second-guessing yourself, and losing confidence in your decision-making process are not healthy mental signs.
In this article, I will explain what gaslighting is, give you several clear examples and I will also give you methods to which you can use to defend yourself against these sneaky attacks.
What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is best defined as:
a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, gaslighting involves attempts to destabilize the victim and delegitimize the victim’s belief. – Wikipedia
Where Does The Term Come From?
The movie above titled “Gaslight” is where the term comes from. In both the play and movie adaptation, the character Bella Manningham is provoked into believing herself insane.
Her husband Jack Manningham spends the whole story womanizing and flirting with other women, while also trying to drive his wife mad.
In the apartment building they live in, a wealthy woman is murdered and the husband is hellbent in breaking into her room to get her expensive jewelry.
When he does this he uses a gaslight to sneak around which lights the whole building.
The term gaslighting comes into play in psychological jargon today because when his wife mentions that she sees his gaslight at night he replies to her that there is no gaslight.
He tries and makes her think what she sees and what she is experiencing is a lie.
Luckily, if you haven’t seen the movie, it ends on a good note for our heroine.
Why Do People Gaslight?
Narcissistic people gaslight because they are out to simply control people’s perception of reality. Most often time it is just a means for them to try and control us.
But it is also a means for them to try and make us dependant on them. To narcissistic people, it is all about control. And gaslighting is one of their favorite tactics to use against their victims.
What Are Some Gaslighting Examples?
#1 – They Tell Blatant Lies
These people are pathological liars. They will lie about the silliest of things. And do so when the truth doesn’t hurt or harm anyone. One of the major reasons that they tell so many lies is for us to always question what is real and what is false with them.
# 2 – “I Never Said That”
This is easily one of their mottoes. Because they are so good to plant the seed of doubt in us, it becomes very easy for them to make us really believe that they didn’t say or do something.
# 3 – They Use What Is Close To You As Their Ammunition
If they know you love something dearly, they will try and get you to question the value of that certain attachment. Let’s say you have kids (and they are not above harming kids) they will try and make you think that your kids are holding you back in life.
These creatures DO NOT CARE.
# 4 – They Try And Wear You Down (They Are Attrition Warriors)
Aside from being psychological warriors, these people are also warriors of attrition. Meaning they win wars by constantly attacking you to the point that you just give in.
# 5 – Their Actions Do Not Match Their Words
No greater example then this phrase right here, “I only hurt you because I love you.”
# 6 – They Will Often Compliment You Just To Confuse You
The reason for this method is to make us think they have a good side. They know that they are not decent people but they need us to think there is a glimmer of light in their dark souls.
This is why they will just out of nowhere buy you a gift and then two days later go full out attack on you.
# 7 – They Know Confusion Weakens You
They start this psychological campaign against us so that we are always in a state of confusion. Once we can no longer see reality for what it is, it becomes easier for them to try and control us.
# 8 – They Are Master Of Projecting
The reasons that many of these narcissistic people always blame us and point the finger saying we did this or did that is because most often times they are doing it themselves.
They feel a need to think we are doing the same things they are doing so they seem like less of a monster.
# 9 – They Send Their Flying Monkeys Against You
I have written an article explaining how Flying Monkeys have no minds of their own, which you can read in the link provided.
They know that by themselves that they may not be enough. This is the reason they send in their flying monkeys to back up their false claims.
“Yeah, he was right. You do seem a bit crazy.”
# 10 – They Tell You And Others You Are Crazy
Through the use of their flying monkeys, they can get the word out that you are not a good person. And you will meet people on the street you NEVER met before who will come up to you and say: “I heard about you. You Stupid (explicit)”.
And they won’t… EVEN…KNOW…WHO…YOU…ARE.
# 11 – They Tell You, Everyone, Around You Is A Liar
They will tell you everyone you are around is plotting against you and scheming against you.
This is for two reasons.
One to boost up your anxiety. And second to make you more dependent on them.
# 12 – They Make You Anxious (Hurry Up)
Lastly, is the “hurry up. hurry up.”
Again all this does is to make you think you are always doing something wrong, slow, or stupid.
What Are The Effects Of Gaslighting Examples On The Victim?
Some effects that a victim may develop after experiencing gaslighting are:
- low self-esteem
- posttraumatic stress
How Do You Survive Gaslighting?
With this said, you may be wondering what to do when you are being gaslighted. Follow these methods below in order to how to get over gaslighting.
Method # 1: Keep a Journal
This is beneficial FOR YOUR OWN PYSCHE. As you can see from their many sneaky tactics they want you to doubt your sanity and thoughts.
By writing down your thoughts and actions in a day with a narcissist you can always go back to your notes to verify that you weren’t wrong.
Of course, you never want to show this to the narcissist as they will find it, and like the toddlers they are, rip it apart.
Method # 2: Get a Second Opinion
Ask someone, an acquaintance or close colleague, NOT a family or friend (as their perception of you may be a bit skewed; in a good way) what type of person they think you are.
Getting an objective answer from someone who has no emotional ties to you will better help you see that maybe it’s not you but your narcissistic partner.
Method # 3: Seek Objective Support
If possible you might want to speak with a therapist.
With your narcissists?
HA! No. They probably wouldn’t go.
But what you could do is secretly record them talking to you and then play it to your therapist so they can listen.
They will be able to tell you what type of person you are dealing with.
Method # 4: Give The Abuse A Name
Now that you have an understanding of their tactics give this abuse a name. Once you know what it is you can better defend yourself from it.
Method # 5: Meditate
The importance of meditating is not only for your inner peace but also to restore the grey matter that may have eroded while being with your narcissist.
Narcissists have the potential to cause long-term brain damage to their victims.
Method # 6: NO CONTACT/ Or Grey Rocking
Lastly, NO CONTACT is always the best revenge and the best cure.
You won’t last for long.
If no contact is NOT always an option then you may want to consider grey rocking them.
Just simply become as bland and as boring as possible. That will turn them off in a heartbeat.
No Shame In Therapy + FREE PEER GROUP APP
Narcissistic people can do a wonder on someone’s mind and psychology.
In fact, I wrote an article called “10+ Mental Illnesses Caused By Staying With A Narcissists“.
The narcissists and their legion of fools can slowly drive you insane. And sometimes the best help you can ever receive is from a stranger.
When everyone around you is trying to convince you that YOU are the bad person, sometimes an objective view of you from someone you don’t know maybe what saves you from drowning in the sea of insanity the narc and their legion of fools try and drown you in.
Therapy can help heal in ways that reading blogs, listening to videos, and talking with other WARRIORS (we are not survivors, we are warriors) can ever do.
Join my Facebook Fan Page “No Shame In Therapy” to get a 20% discount on your first-month session, as well as articles and updates on the benefits of therapy.
Narcs have a legion of fools behind them to hurt you, I think it would be a good thing to build your own army of warriors and allies to help stand by your side.
Need Peer Support? Download Wearemore app to vent, get support, or just talk with others who are going through what you are going through!