Blogs

How To Hurt A Narcissist And Get Away With It

Free Images

It is not uncommon for those who have to deal with a narcissist or who have been with a narcissist to want to hurt them for the irrational harm they unleashed upon us. In this article, I will explain how to hurt a narcissist and how you can get away with it.

Now before you continue on, please READ UNTIL THE END before passing any judgment. Let’s not be myopic as the Narcissist, shall we?

Note: This blog may contain affiliate links (which I will remind you of once again when you get there). It is my goal to help as many people become aware of narcs, so feel free to hit the red button on the side to subscribe and get access to my most recent blog post. I also want to help many people heal from their narc relationship. If you find anything that I have written poignant, please share

Dish Out Pain To The Narcissist

I know for many people out there who have been harmed by their narcissists that they want to hurt them. And you know what…

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

Narcissists are such parasites. They are some of the most self-absorbed people on this planet and among the most delusional. They have no emotional regulation, and their perception of the world borderlines infantile solipsism.

(Infantile Solipsism is ‘you only see what you want to see,’ although that is only half of it because ‘you also won’t see what you don’t want to see.’ This can explain why some people – especially Narcissist – have difficulty empathizing with others; if you are meaningless to her, then all your actions are meaningless.) – The Female Psychosis part 3: Solipsism

Hurting a narc can feel like we have vindicated ourselves for allowing them to use and manipulate us.

So with this said, “how do you hurt a narcissist and get away with it”?

Well…by NOT ACKNOWLEDGING THEM.

What NOT Acknowledging Them Does To Their Mind

Okay. Hold on.

Hey! Wait a second.

C’mon. Give me a minute to explain before clicking off.

There is science to PROVE IT.

I already hear some of you.

“I have read this before.”

“This is not hurting them.”

“I want to punish them.”

Just hear me out because you HAVE TO understand the narc’s mind and what NOT acknowledging them does to them.

Narcs are in every sense of the word ‘attention fiends’. They thrive on attention, even if the attention is bad.

They don’t care.

As long as someone is thinking about them, they are happy.

Why?

Because in their delusional minds, if people are thinking about them, they are important. And narcs want always to feel like they are important.

The moment you stop giving them attention, they will start to hurt.

And when I say hurt, I am not talking about emotionally…I am talking physically.

How Does This Work?

I want you to draw upon your feelings. Think about how they did you wrong; what does that do to you?

It gives you a headache. It raises your blood level. And it may even make you sick.

Anger really messes up our minds and thus affects our bodies as well.

Now anger alone can cause a whole plethora of physical ailments on someone, but ignoring someone, cutting them out of our lives, DOES MORE HARM.

research study revealed that when a person is ignored, it lights up the same areas of the brain where the pain is located.

Let me repeat this in layman’s terms.

When you ignore a narcissist, you are hurting them. The same area that lights up when they feel physical pain lights up when they are ignored!

When you ignore a narc, they are feeling pain.

Remember, these people are attention fiends and delusions beyond comprehension.

Not giving them attention brings down their world of importance.

Narcissists Are A Needy Breed

Narcs thrive on attention. Narcissists are some of the neediest people you will ever come across. When we deny them OURSELVES and OUR ATTENTION, we are hurting them.

And this is EXACTLY why narcs will do some of the most bizarre and batshit insane things when they see we are going to leave them.

Despite their “I am SO tough” and “I am SO great” facade — they are scared little children that are afraid to be alone.

They are scared of the truth, the truth being that they are NOTHING.

This is precisely why they gossip and spread rumors. They don’t want us to see our worth, hence is why they devalue us.

The moment they see we don’t NEED them, they will start to hurt.

And like a rabid animal out in the wilderness which is timid or trying to keep their food, they will lash out in irrational ways.

Why?

Because that is the only way they know how to defend themselves and to keep us in their insane world.

How To Hurt A Narcissist: Do Not Feed The Creatures

I call narcs creatures NOT to name-call or to be childish, but because when you look at them at an objective vantage point — they CANNOT be considered equal to a normal human being.

A rational person doesn’t go out there thinking everyone that comes in their peripheral…THEIR PERIPHERAL VISION… should fixate on them.

(This is the insanity that I am talking about.) 

A rational person doesn’t go out there smear campaigning people FOR NO REASON.

And a rational person wouldn’t believe they are the center of the universe.

Rational people do not go out of their harming people for the hell of it.

But narcissistic people do.

And the best way to hurt them is NOT to come down to their level and dish out an eye for an eye.

Because that is what they want, they want to wallow in the mud together. They love destroying people’s characters. 

The way to hurt them and to really dig into them is to… move on and NOT ACKNOWLEDGE THEM.

By not giving these energy vampires any energy, they will die inside. They will shrivel up like the pathetic creatures they are.

The research has shown that ignoring people cause pain.

So if you want to hurt the narc the same way they hurt you then…move on in life.

Your success, your happiness, smiles, and your pleasant experience WITHOUT them in it -- will kill them inside.  Click To Tweet

This is how you hurt a narc and to do so without coming down to their level.

No Shame In Therapy + FREE PEER GROUP APP

Narcissistic people can do a wonder on someone’s mind and psychology. In fact, I wrote an article called “10+ Mental Illnesses Caused By Staying With A Narcissists“.

The narcissists and their legion of fools can slowly drive you insane. And sometimes the best help you can ever receive is from a stranger. 

When everyone around you is trying to convince you that YOU are the bad person, sometimes an objective view of you from someone you don’t know maybe what saves you from drowning in the sea of insanity the narc and their legion of fools try and drown you in. 

Therapy can help heal in ways that reading blogs, listening to videos, and talking with other WARRIORS (we are not survivors, we are warriors) can ever do. 

Join my Facebook Fan Page “No Shame In Therapy” to get a 20% discount on your first-month session, as well as articles and updates on the benefits of therapy.

Narcs have a legion of fools behind them to hurt you, I think it would be a good thing to build your own army of warriors and allies to help stand by your side. 

Need Peer Support? Download Wearemore app to vent, get support, or just talk with others who are going through what you are going through!

About Author

I call myself the Rational Humorist. Narcs to me are cancer to humanity. The only way to beat cancer is to fight back against it.

The best way to defeat a narc is to see them as the jokes they are.

(32) Comments

  1. Kathy Nevis says:

    Thank you. The title piqued my curiosity, but I don’t believe mature, evolved people seek revenge. Not to mention the fact that N”s are so retaliatory. You echoed and reinforced my own sentiment. I appreciate it! Please enroll me as a subscriber.

    1. Love reading the blogs… as I’m going thru tough times at this stage. Understanding this narc behaviour and what to do is helps me somewhat…..

      Thank you for the insight in to their lives

      Would like to subscribe too… pls.

  2. Kathy Nevis says:

    Thank you. The title piqued my curiosity, but I don’t believe mature, evolved people seek revenge. Not to mention the fact that N”s are so retaliatory. You echoed and reinforced my own sentiment. I appreciate it! Please enroll me as a subscriber.

    1. Reason87 says:

      Hello, glad you enjoyed the article. You can enroll by clicking the red bell icon to get access to my articles when I release them.:)

  3. Robin says:

    I think you are amazing. Thank you

    1. Reason87 says:

      🙂 You are amazing!!

  4. Yvette says:

    I have no contact but she goes to my kids and other members of the family i try to tell them to not discuss me but she being the person she is always manipulate them

    1. Reason87 says:

      It is sad to say, but the family are just her flying monkeys. They may no longer be able to think for themselves.

  5. Antonia says:

    My narcissist has new supply and isn’t interested in being in touch with me. I believe me not being in contact with him is actually pleasing him, so he can focus on her. So how is me ignoring him hurting him? At work I do my beat to grey-rock him, but he is just pleasant with me as if nothing ever happened. I don’t see it frustrating him, it’s as if he doesn’t care at all…

    1. Reason87 says:

      I know it hurts. But you have to understand the goal of No Contact. Although I say it is the worst thing you can do to a narc the overall goal is for us to MOVE ON. And it is hard because we feel like we were used or discarded — but in you pining after him that only hurts you. and he knows this.

      I am a guy, I hear this narc dudes talk and they are LOSERS. You may think you are losing someone but trust me you are not. He acts nonchalant because he is trying to make you think he is moving on.

      It is always a game with these people. ALWAYS A GAME WITH THEM.

      He is just trying to rub salt in the wound.

      1. Antonia says:

        It was like he was testing me. Always charming, cracking jokes and checking my reactions… almost like he was seeking my approval.
        He says he has someone new, whom he is in love with, he was never in Love with me (I understand they don’t fall “in love”). He’s not reaching out, I told him not to contact me after this new supply fails him. I wonder if he still will. It’s the typical ambivalence I’m feeling: I don’t want to ever see/hear from him again, however I crave him making contact… WTF?!?

        1. Reason87 says:

          This is not UNCOMMON.

          In one of my earlier articles, I explain why No Contact is so hard to do.

          Love…romantic love…is akin to an addiction.

          Like a drug we know it is bad for us, we don’t want to use it, we don’t want to be addicted to it — but the chemicals in our brain really compel us to KEEP THINKING ABOUT IT.

          Romantic love is also the same. And this is so true with narcs as they know how to love bomb and make us think they are the perfect lovers for us.

          I know it can be difficult but stay strong because the Narc is hoping you will crack.

          That is all they do!

      2. Wolf says:

        Love it wholly agree

        1. Reason87 says:

          Appreciate that. 🙂

  6. Luv_Docteor says:

    I’m the Luv_Doctor from YouTube’s channel “The Truth Hurts”.

    I beg to differ with your post. In order to hurt a Narc is not to ignore them – but SHAME them. Make the world AWARE of their behavior so they can’t dupe someone else.

    That’s how you hurt a Narc.

    1. Reason87 says:

      I appreciate the difference in opinions; as I am always open to a new perspective. But I will have to back up my thoughts here. Ignoring them takes AWAY their power. Narcs are in every sense of the word “attention fiends” they NEED attention; even if it is shame. Narcs thrive on attention and thrive even more on feeling like a victim.

      So everyone shaming them would be like them turning into martyrs. They are NOT thinking like rational people.

      I appreciate your insight and I do agree with you that they need to be exposed. But they also need to be NOT ACKNOWLEDGED.

      They are energy vampires and once they have no more energy they will shrivel up and die.

    2. Sophie says:

      My opinion falls on the side of the author of this article here. It would be oh so satisfying to “shame” the narcissist. And herein lies the rub. They have no shame, and yet research supports that they exist on nothing but a complete platform of shame. Dealing with, and healing from, the crimes of the heart that a narcissist can commit is essentially a hall of mirrors. Which is why I have chosen the “No Contact” approach. None. Zero. Nada. That way there is no wiggle room. And it’s working a charm. Because one thing is to be certain, you give an inch and a mile will be taken with head spinning force. So forget “doing” anything to make them “fill in the blank.” Do nothing. Let your lawyers deliver the blows, collections letters etc. And do not even so much as look back.

    3. Tracie aker says:

      I was in love with a man for many years. Due to both of our life situations we could not be togather so we would get togather when he cam into my area for work I was sure he was perfect.. For the better part of 10 years he was my favorite what if. Finally all the stars aligned and my dreams came true he was mine. I just knew everything was going to fall into place finally my life made scence. It started off amazing just like i dreamed he ran off the physically abusive boyfriend made sure I knew it was all gonna be ok. Made promises to my kids they loved him it was perfect. Or so I thought. Step by step he distanced me from all friends, became very close to my 15 year old daughter and 12 year old boy. Every day it seemed like there was one more thing I did wrong or did not budget my time well enough spent too long at store dinner was late everything was my fault I was sleeping with everybody.. Nobody would believe me be cause he was the best guy in the whole world. Well long story short I was left empty broke in a bad way. Still drop everything to go over every time he called. I had no self respect or self asteeme had to dend my kids to my mom lost my job i had nothing and for what this loser who in. 10 years is going to be in the exact same spot in life he is rite now. I was in love with a man that did not exist and was not going to. I am barely moveing on 6 months later with a great guy that I dont know how to handel he gives compliments helps with chores and i find myself waiting for the other foot to drop. I really hope I don’t ruin this with my insecurities.
      Thanks for listening
      Tracie

  7. Alex Ramos says:

    Totally outstanding. All u tube coaches say how to get your vampire back? Omg are you kidding .. I’ve never experienced such an animal of death in my life . What Rock do they crawl underneath from? WTF it’s not my fault lady . Hang yourself the shame they got was now my shame ? All I wanted was love . What a joke and waste of my time. I had no idea these predators are amongst us . They destroy everyone around them I saw especially there kids. She had pot marks from acne ugly shape but thought in the mirror was Marilyn Monroe. Made me sick mentally and physically I’m still not right. Months later . But every nite I study and study I do my home work on these insects . To cheat on purpose to lie and lie . 4 kids now 49 making beds at. Hotel . Excluded me like I never existed last Holliday’s this Filipina third world ignorant loser karma is in the shadows . I hope she Chokes on on own vomit of the pain she inflicted and enjoyed during so. Total loser beneath me . I will stay no contact . I will die returning
    Who wants sloppy 9ths from a fiend like this ? Good riddance.

  8. Sherry says:

    I am an older woman, married to a narc for 26 years. This is NOT FUN. But I have no money of my own, and animals I love. How does one stay and tolerate his shit ???

  9. Sherm says:

    I loved this article and you are spot on!! The NARC feels the pain and it depletes them which makes them more fierce in their smear campaign. My one and only NARC helped me to see that my actions were becoming retaliatory and that is not me, I was able to find myself and my heart and compassion for others. It was a curse which has turned into a blessing! Thanks for the read!

    1. I am always happy to hear that people take back their lives and turn a negative event into a positive.

      Narcs are broken people and they just want others as broken as they are.

      Thanks for the comment and all the best to you.

  10. Jo Heaven says:

    I just laughed in true crazy delight at the two cartoons – Please don’t interrupt me when I’m ignoring you, and Please don’t feed the narcissists. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this IN JOKE !

    1. You are very Welcomed. 🙂

  11. Gianna says:

    Love this article! This helped me a lot. Thank you.

    1. You are very welcome. 🙂

      1. J Wilson says:

        This is so awesome.I am a mother who has a narc for a son. He is heartless. But my greatest concern is how he is hurting my grands.They are 9 and 11 years old.

  12. Wmorris@sssnet.com says:

    Loved this. I am learning to give my narc husband the silent treatment like he has given me all these years and he hates it

    1. The grey rock method is also very useful. Just be careful bc narcs will get physical if they cannot get what they want.

  13. Stephanie says:

    I agree with you in that there is nothing normal in regards to a narc.. creature describes them well but chameleon even better… I understand to hurt a narc is to remove the attention they need to feed their overinflated egos but 9 times out of 10 a true narc will already have back up supply because they have to have that attention to exist
    They may not get your attention but rest assured they will find it from someone
    Else people are so unsuspecting and fall prey to a narc because they promise you a fairytale only to deliver a nightmare
    It’s so hard to expect such evil from someone that wears such a charismatic mask … dealing with a narc is like getting entangles in a spider web a very sticky web of deceit and manipulation indeed

  14. Lisa says:

    It took me 41 years to realize I was in a relationship with someone defined as a NARCISSIST; I am reading all I can to heal and understand my stupidity of allowing an on again and off again relationships with him . I am finally done !! No more being a mockery for him nor fool ; to many losses from him . I now know he’ll never ever change and he can have the Whore he replaces me with the moment I am out of site . Too bad for her

Leave a Reply