It can be one of the hardest challenges we will ever face in our lives, moving on. Moving on from an event that took so much of our time, our energy, our hopes, and dreams, but most importantly…ourselves, can be challenging.
Losing who we are is easily the most devasting part of being with a narcissistic partner. Trying to get back to who we were before we met the narcissist is a battle that often time seems like it is not winnable.
But it is.
After leaving my narcissistic relationships, I felt angry, upset, vengeful (oh, so very vengeful), and I truly regretted the TIME I gave to them.
And it was only until I stumbled upon this philosophy that my anger subsided, and my appreciation for life came back. This is how I learned to let go and move on with my life.
Note: If you find my articles helpful, please share them with anyone you think may need it. Narcissistic people are cowards, and the best way to defeat them (because they are legion) is to go NO CONTACT with them simply. Feel free to read one of my most popular articles, “HOW TO HEAL AFTER A NARCISSISTIC RELATIONSHIP.”
Memento Mori: My Epiphany
Memento Mori is Latin, and it means, “Remember, you are going to die.”
Now, for many people, when they hear me say: “this is the first thing I tell myself when I wake up,” it puts them off a bit.
Quite often, they reply to this statement with a look of sadness or confusion.
“Why would you tell yourself this,” they usually ask.
And I reply, “because life is too short to waste.”
After leaving a narc, it is reasonable to have feelings of hurt, pain, confusion, and even vengeful thoughts.
It is normal to want to get justice.
But with narcs, they do not understand the wrongs they do because they do not have empathy. To them, hurting us is not anything to get to worked up about.
And this is usually the number one reason why we get so worked up.
We think to ourselves, “they hurt us and don’t even care.”
But it is THIS way of thinking that keeps us STUCK in the past.
And it was the thinking of “Stoicism” that got me out of it.
What Is Stoicism?
Stoicism is the endurance of pain or hardship without the display of feelings and without complaint. – Oxford Dictionary
In perhaps one of my favorite books of all time, called “Meditations”, the author Marcus Aurelius wrote in regards to greeting his day:
“Say to yourself in the early morning: I shall meet today ungrateful, violent, treacherous, envious, uncharitable men. All of these things have come upon them through ignorance of real good and ill… I can neither be harmed by any of them, for no man will involve me in the wrong, nor can I be angry with my kinsman or hate him, for we have come into the world to work together.” – Marcus Aurelius
It is an unfortunate realization about life that we will meet unsavory people. They are everywhere. But in having a higher understanding of them, we can better tolerate their existence.
And tolerating doesn’t mean we accept them — but we understand that there are just people like them and we don’t HAVE to be like them or with them.
We Feel Hurt Because We Expected More
What hurts us the most about the split from the Narc comes down to the idea that we expected so much more from them. And that is where the hurt really comes from.
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” – Marcus Aurelius
We sorely underestimate our power. And the reason is that we have GIVEN it to others for so long. This is precisely why I champion the idea of NO CONTACT.
The moment you kick them out of your life is the moment you embrace who you were before you met them.
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
In understanding that most people are not mentally aware, and coupling that with the idea that we are aware, we can have a better understanding of the world.
But more so a better understanding of ourselves.
Stoicism is about taking 100% control of our emotions and our lives. By giving in to the hate, the hurt, the anger, and the vengeance — we ultimately lose to the Narc.
Narcissists, as I so often write, cannot love. And the only way to get back at them for what they have done is to move on and be happy and successful with OUR lives.
Life Is A Gift
How I learned to let go and move on came in the form of me, realizing that I have limited days ahead of me. And every day that I ruminate over the past is a day that I waste.
It is also a day that I give to the Narc, who is no longer in my life.
This is not a mindset that will come overnight. But the more you read about it, and the more you research it, I am wholly confident that it will give you a stronger mindset to regulate your emotions and that it will also give you a better appreciation for life.
The narcissist may have ruined some time of our lives, but if we keep thinking about them, they will destroy ALL OF OUR LIVES.
Learn to live for you.
Your future self will thank you.
Need A Community To Join For Emotional Support
Do you need a community of people like yourself who have dealt with narcissists?
If so, consider joining my forum “Empowering Empathic Warriors.“
This is not a place to be coddled. But a place to heal, grow, and become stronger.
Also, a forum is NO alternative to professional health.
If you require therapy, then check out my affiliate link here. Sign up here to speak with a professional therapist and get 20% off your first month’s session.
The motto of my forum is, “We have been bent by narcissists but we will never be broken by them.”
Reach out for help and live life on your terms once again.
And lastly, learn how to smile and laugh again.
Because laughter does the SOUL good.