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How I Learned To Let Go And Start Moving Forward

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Moving Forward

“Memento Mori”

It can be one of the hardest challenges we will ever face in our lives, moving on. Moving on from an event that took so much of our time, our energy, our hopes, and dreams, but most importantly…ourselves, can be challenging.

Losing who we are is easily the most devasting part of being with a narcissistic partner. Trying to get back to who we were before we met the narcissist is a battle that often time seems like it is not winnable.

But it is. 

After leaving my narcissistic relationships, I felt angry, upset, vengeful (oh, so very vengeful), and I truly regretted the TIME I gave to them.

And it was only until I stumbled upon this philosophy that my anger subsided, and my appreciation for life came back. This is how I learned to let go and move on with my life.

Note: If you find my articles helpful, please share them with anyone you think may need it. Narcissistic people are cowards, and the best way to defeat them (because they are legion) is to go NO CONTACT with them simply. Feel free to read one of my most popular articles, “HOW TO HEAL AFTER A NARCISSISTIC RELATIONSHIP.”

Memento Mori: My Epiphany

Moving Forward

Memento Mori is Latin, and it means, “Remember, you are going to die.”

Now, for many people, when they hear me say: “this is the first thing I tell myself when I wake up,” it puts them off a bit.

Quite often, they reply to this statement with a look of sadness or confusion.

“Why would you tell yourself this,” they usually ask.

And I reply, “because life is too short to waste.”

After leaving a narc, it is reasonable to have feelings of hurt, pain, confusion, and even vengeful thoughts.

It is normal to want to get justice.

But with narcs, they do not understand the wrongs they do because they do not have empathy. To them, hurting us is not anything to get to worked up about.

And this is usually the number one reason why we get so worked up.

We think to ourselves, “they hurt us and don’t even care.”

But it is THIS way of thinking that keeps us STUCK in the past.

And it was the thinking of “Stoicism” that got me out of it.

What Is Stoicism?

 Stoicism is the endurance of pain or hardship without the display of feelings and without complaint. – Oxford Dictionary

In perhaps one of my favorite books of all time, called “Meditations”, the author Marcus Aurelius wrote in regards to greeting his day:

“Say to yourself in the early morning: I shall meet today ungrateful, violent, treacherous, envious, uncharitable men. All of these things have come upon them through ignorance of real good and ill… I can neither be harmed by any of them, for no man will involve me in the wrong, nor can I be angry with my kinsman or hate him, for we have come into the world to work together.” – Marcus Aurelius

It is an unfortunate realization about life that we will meet unsavory people. They are everywhere. But in having a higher understanding of them, we can better tolerate their existence.

And tolerating doesn’t mean we accept them — but we understand that there are just people like them and we don’t HAVE to be like them or with them.

We Feel Hurt Because We Expected More

What hurts us the most about the split from the Narc comes down to the idea that we expected so much more from them. And that is where the hurt really comes from.

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” – Marcus Aurelius

We sorely underestimate our power. And the reason is that we have GIVEN it to others for so long. This is precisely why I champion the idea of NO CONTACT.

The moment you kick them out of your life is the moment you embrace who you were before you met them.

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

Moving Forward

In understanding that most people are not mentally aware, and coupling that with the idea that we are aware, we can have a better understanding of the world.

But more so a better understanding of ourselves.

Stoicism is about taking 100% control of our emotions and our lives. By giving in to the hate, the hurt, the anger, and the vengeance — we ultimately lose to the Narc.

It is only by becoming someone better, by MOVING ON, that we ultimately win. Click To Tweet

Narcissists, as I so often write, cannot love. And the only way to get back at them for what they have done is to move on and be happy and successful with OUR lives.

Life Is A Gift

How I learned to let go and move on came in the form of me, realizing that I have limited days ahead of me. And every day that I ruminate over the past is a day that I waste.

It is also a day that I give to the Narc, who is no longer in my life.

This is not a mindset that will come overnight. But the more you read about it, and the more you research it, I am wholly confident that it will give you a stronger mindset to regulate your emotions and that it will also give you a better appreciation for life.

The narcissist may have ruined some time of our lives, but if we keep thinking about them, they will destroy ALL OF OUR LIVES.

Learn to live for you.

Your future self will thank you.

Need A Community To Join For Emotional Support

Do you need a community of people like yourself who have dealt with narcissists?

If so, consider joining my forum “Empowering Empathic Warriors.“

This is not a place to be coddled. But a place to heal, grow, and become stronger.

Also, a forum is NO alternative to professional health.

If you require therapy, then check out my affiliate link here. Sign up here to speak with a professional therapist and get 20% off your first month’s session.

The motto of my forum is, “We have been bent by narcissists but we will never be broken by them.”

Reach out for help and live life on your terms once again.

And lastly, learn how to smile and laugh again.

Because laughter does the SOUL good.

About Author

I call myself the Rational Humorist. Narcs to me are cancer to humanity. The only way to beat cancer is to fight back against it.

The best way to defeat a narc is to see them as the jokes they are.

(8) Comments

  1. Debbie says:

    Thank you!

    1. Reason87 says:

      You are very welcome.

      🙂

  2. Patty says:

    This is amazing!! Thank you for sharing your insights. Good stuff!

    1. Reason87 says:

      Glad to help.

      Stay Strong!

  3. In my case things were on the ok side of things, if you know what I mean, then all of a sudden out if nowhere he ghosted me, we have a child together. He hasnt once tried to explain to me why this has happened and wont return any calls or messages. Just completely became indifferent towards me and his child. Does the no contact still work in the same principles of this. My heart is broken, while I should be delighted it’s happened, I still feel lost and empty that out of the blue he just did a moonlight flight.

    1. Reason87 says:

      It is okay to be confused about what happened. You have to understand that narcs do not think rationally. They lack empathy so leaving out of the blue and not telling you is something that a narc can do.

      They don’t factor in the emotions of others.

      As you said you should be delighted because narcs only purpose in life is to destroy and harm.

      I understand how you can feel empty and lost — but in this time reconnect with who you are.

      It hurts…I KNOW, but you have to understand that Narcs just don’t care about us as we cared about them.

  4. Tracy says:

    Thank you for this article and the book recommendation. I have a manipulative relative who has hurt me deeply. I’ve spent so much of my time and energy trying to figure her out, but no matter what I did I could never get her approval. I have given this so much of my energy over the years and I’d like to be free of it. I just ordered the book from your site and look forward to reading it. Thank you again.

    1. Reason87 says:

      I am very humbled that my article could help shed some light. Narcs are only satisfied with us when we are suffering. We could give them the sun and galaxy and they will say we didn’t give them the universe.

      Narcs just take energy because they are energy vampires. I wholly advocate going No Contact. It is the best way to get YOU back.

      All the best to you. 🙂

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