One of the most difficult things about the healing process, in regards to leaving the narcissists, is learning how to forgive yourself for staying with them for so long. We beat ourselves up thinking and ruminating on all the time that has been TAKEN AWAY from us.
This rumination can lead to so many issues. For some people, the stress that starts to accumulate can get to them so much that they develop many illnesses.
Illnesses such as:
- Depression (Yes, depression is a mental disease it is not a FEELING)
- Heart problems
- And so much more
Rumination is easily one of the most challenging aspects in regards to our healing process. In my previous article, I outline “100 Ways To Let Go And Move On With Life After Narcissistic Abuse“.
I highly recommend that you give this article a read as I really put in a great deal of effort to find some amazing ways to move on in life; as well as sprinkling in several of my OWN healing methods.
Now, rumination is easily one of the key elements that make healing so difficult. But the hallmark factor that keeps so many of us from healing is the idea that we DO NOT forgive ourselves.
And this lack of self-forgiveness is what is killing you on a daily basis.
So, in this article, I will elucidate why you don’t forgive yourself and I will show you how you can forgive yourself.
Understand my fellow warrior (we are NOT SURVIVORS…ALL OF US ARE FIGHTERS OF LIFE) we are ONLY HUMAN.
We are not meant to be perfect. We are not meant to have all the answers. And we are not meant to live our entires lives in shame and sadness.
We are human.
We are supposed to make mistakes.
Why Is Self-forgiveness So Hard
Forgiving ourselves, for many people, is a difficult task. We are quite oftentimes taught to forgive others. Rarely are any of us taught to forgive ourselves in life.
And because of this, there are some people out there who know this and they leech on this. Narcissistic people are the people in life who will do this.
They look for people who are apologetic by nature.
People who will say “I’m Sorry” at things to which they haven’t even done.
Apologizing for things you did not do is a self-esteem killer.
And because of this, you think that the harm that you were receiving was…JUSTIFIABLE.
This is one of the reasons you stayed with them for so long.
Now that your eyes are opened you find it hard to forgive yourself because you think to yourself “I should have known better“.
And it is this way of thinking that stops you from forgiving yourself.
You think you should have known better.
How To Forgive Yourself
One day at a time.
After I had left my narcissistic relationship I woke up every day saying to myself “I HATE MYSELF“.
I told myself this as SOON as my consciousness arose in me. I felt like an IDIOT for staying so long. “How could I have been so stupid”, is what I would often ask myself.
Forgiveness for myself came, once I realized I wasn’t being an idiot for staying so long. I thought at that time that maybe I could help them become their best version.
I thought, as an empath, that they were hurting inside and that if I stayed they could become stronger.
It was my thinking of trying to help them become better that made me stay. And it was only until I learned more about narcissism that I realized these people are beyond saving.
See, we aren’t idiots because we stayed. We did what any HUMAN BEING would try and do for another HUMAN BEING.
Which is HELP THEM.
But narcissistic people are not like that. And so many of us go through life NEVER even knowing or learning about narcissism.
(Which is why I have created this blog for awareness. So kindly share it if you find anything I write poignant.)
Had we known what they were earlier on…we would have left.
But we didn’t because we only learned about them until being with them.
And I ask you this.
Taking A Test You Have No Idea About
If you had to take a test and were not given the topic but told just to take a test. Do you think you would pass?
Of course not.
Life is a test and we are always put into classrooms that we aren’t even aware of what the topic is.
So, don’t feel bad about the time you spent with them. You just were unaware of what these people are.
Now that you are separated from them, focus on getting back the time you have.
We get one go at this thing called life.
Forgive yourself for not knowing about a person you had NO KNOWLEDGE about.
We are only human. We are supposed to make mistakes. That is how we grow and learn.
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