How To Forget Your Ex-Narcissist
“If I could just forget my ex…my life could…move forward.”
After a breakup with a narcissist, it can be extremely difficult expelling them (the ex-narc) from our minds. Narcissistic people seem to burrow themselves deep into our minds.
They are like parasites and their negative deeds are their eggs that hatch once they have left.
I know for many of us out there who have been hurt by a narcissist that it can feel like it is not possible. The narcissist takes so much of our time, our energy and our lives.
And worse is finding out about all the lies and rumors they spread about us while we WERE WITH THEM.
But it is possible to learn how to forget your ex-narcissist and go on to live a happy, healthy and successful life.
In this article, I will give you a few tactics I have used to forget the ex-narcs and keep on moving forward in life.
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Learning To Forget Your Narcissist
“The combination of rumination and negative mood is toxic. Research shows that people who ruminate while sad or distraught are likely to feel besieged, powerless, self-critical, pessimistic, and generally negatively biased.” – Sonja Lyubomirsky
Rumination is the major cause of so much of our negative thinking. Most of us find ourselves thinking about our ex-narc over things that don’t necessarily associate with the narc.
I know for myself just simply watching a show, which had no emotional or memorable connection with the ex-narc, would evoke in me incidents from the past with my ex-narc.
It can be quite annoying trying to just watch a movie or show and all of a second to be deluged with negative emotions of the past.
Rumination….it runs deep.
So the first thing we need to learn, in order to forget the narcissist, is to stop the rumination.
Why Does The Rumination Start?
We ruminate because our egos have been hurt. This is one of the most significant reasons why we ruminate. Our ego is trying to protect itself.
It remembers the wrong things of the past and then it tells our present self “Hey, don’t get too comfortable. This attack can happen again.”
We ruminate and think about the past because our ego is scared and hurt.
In understanding this, we can now take the necessary steps to properly forget the narc but STILL remember the LESSON.
Strengthen Your Ego
We have to accept that we were duped and played. That we were used and mistreated.
Does this make it okay?
But just by accepting that these things have happened we can LET GO of so much unnecessary baggage.
The reason many of us hold on to that pain is that we are scared it might happen again (or at least the ego). But we also don’t want to accept the pain because it will also make us feel like we are the only ones stupid enough to not see all the CRAP they did to us.
We feel like by ignoring the red flags (which a lot of people do), that we are stupid.
It is the fear of being the ONLY ONE.
The fear of being an outcast is a frightening thought for many people.
But here is the thing…we have evolved enough to the point we can question our own thoughts and more importantly STAND ALONE, if need be.
Question Yourself and Your Thoughts
Focus more on yourself!
Ask yourself why you feel this way?
Why you are thinking about the person?
What is it that is making you fall back into the PAST?
Doing this will help you catch yourself from going back to the past.
Questioning yourselves and your feelings take your thoughts OFF OF THE NARCISSIST and help to bring you back to the present.
When we can bring ourselves back into the present…we can now create a new beautiful future.
Mindfulness…is a wonderful thing.
Forget The Past By Focusing On Your Future: How To Forget Your Ex-Narcissist
Memento Mori is Latin for, “remember that you are going to die.”
This may sound somewhat morbid but the truth of the matter is that it has been the best way to help ME get over my rumination and my ex-narc.
In simply knowing I am going to die someday, and that “that day” could be at any time, my focus and attention are better used now on me and creating a better life; for as much time that I have left.
On my arm is tattooed this phrase with a grim reaper solidifying and always reminding me that I don’t have time to spend focusing on a person and people who only want the worse for me.
Let them hate and try and tear me down.
Let them laugh and mock me.
And let them waste their time focusing on someone who no longer acknowledges their existence.
My time and energy will be used to love and build myself up.
We only have but so many tomorrows.
Focus on the time you have LEFT and not on the time that is gone.
Because time…time is something we can NEVER GET BACK.
You may have lost years or decades to your narc but don’t give them a single attosecond (the shortest time in existence) of your time anymore.
Stay blessed. Stay healthy. And always seek self-love.
And remember…”MEMENTO MORI”.
Affirmation Can Help You Move Forward
Remember to feed your mind positive affirmations. Positive phrases do the mind good.
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