Always forgive your enemies –
nothing annoys them so much.
– Oscar Wilde
Moving on after leaving a narcissist is not always the easiest thing to do. For many of us who have had the unfortunate experience of being with them, the sheer idea of moving on after all the harm, chaos, and hurt they put us through seems like they are getting off scot-free.
The idea that they hurt us and get away with it can drive many of us INSANE.
And believe me, I know.
I wholly understand where some of you are coming from.
There is also the unfortunate truth that many of us also become, so trauma bonded to these parasites that moving on, EVEN WHEN IT IS GOOD FOR US, also seems unbearable.
We know with every fiber of our being that they are not the ones for us.
Our happiness, gone.
Our beauty, faded.
And ourselves, no longer in the picture.
Moving on, as so many people champion, is not that easy. But just because I say it is not easy does not mean it is impossible.
This trauma bond can be broken. The rage and anger you feel can be quenched.
And who you are can go back to who you were.
And you know what…you can become so much better BECAUSE of being with these parasites.
Quick Note: I call narcissist parasites because they are. I am not name-calling. I am not denigrating the. Check out my article, “Narcissists Are Parasites,” to get a better understanding of what I mean. They feed on people’s lives just so they can survive. If that is not a parasite, I don’t know what is.
In this article, I will give you 10 ways to detach yourself from the Narcissist emotionally.
10 Ways To Emotionally Detach Yourself From The Narcissist
1 – Learn To Be Objective
Definition of Objective – (of a person or their judgment) not influenced by personal feelings or opinions in considering and representing facts.
Learning how to become objective, seeing things NOT from an emotional vantage point, but from a vantage point of seeing the world for what it is meant to be will prove incredibly valuable in you becoming detached.
Objectivity, reasoning, and learning to see the events for what they are, is empowering.
That in every heartache that there is an opportunity to strengthen. That in every failure is a new opportunity to succeed.
And that in every knockdown that life will dish out to you is a chance to get back up.
Being objective removes the feeling of inadequacy. It helps to remove the feelings of not being good enough. And it eliminates this idea that you can never be any better than what you are.
2 – Ways To Emotionally Detach Yourself: Be Honest With Yourself: Why Do You Still Feel Attached
This one will be tough.
You must come to a point where you can be completely honest with yourself.
The reason you find it so difficult to move on is that you still down, secretly, in your heart want to be with the narcissist.
You want to try and make it work.
You want to try and make it like it “use to be.”
And it is this attachment, this desire, that is making the separation from the narcissist so difficult.
Buddha once said,
Your desire to attach back to the old days is what hurts you.
Realize that the person you thought you were in love with was a LIE.
They never existed.
The nut job parasite that you have had the unfortunate experience of slowly getting to know due to their masks slipping is their true self.
Detaching will be difficult, in the beginning, much in the same light that going cold turkey with a hard drug can be for a user.
But much like a drug user or an alcoholic, they can only be healed, cured, and made better if they ADMIT the truth to themselves that they have a problem.
For those of us who have been with a Narcissist, we need to admit that we still have an addiction to them.
This may be either through wanting to get back with them or wanting to get revenge.
Either way, admitting to yourself, you have an addiction to them will prove incredibly valuable to your healing process.
3 – Know That The Pain You Feel Is Because You Are Holding On
They say pictures say a 1000 words. And this is evident wit the picture to the left.
Sometimes holding on to something, no matter how much we may think we want it or need it, only hurts us in the end.
Love, and I wholly agree with this, should never cause of pain.
Love is not painful, it is joyous.
But most of all it is healing.
4 – Ways To Emotionally Detach Yourself: Cut Yourself Off From Everyone Associated With The Narcissist
To truly detach yourself from the narcissist that has invaded your life, it is vital that you detach from everyone associated with them as well.
You will need to GHOST the narcissist and their flying monkeys, as well.
And this is especially true in regards to flying monkeys. They are fools of the highest caliber. They will destroy their own lives for the narcissist and get NOTHING…NOTHING back in return.
If ever there were fools that embodied all that is foolishness, it is the flying monkeys.
5 – Do Not Seek Closure
The number one reason why narcissist gives people NO CLOSURE is because they know it will keep us wondering and trying to figure them out.
They know that in just up and leaving us that that makes us wonder and think about them.
Narcissists are attention whores.
And next to breaking people’s hearts, they LOVE to enter our minds. They love to be that spinning wheel and us being that hamster.
No matter how fast we run to try and escape them, we are just going NOWHERE.
The NO CLOSURE is meant to be a gash that never closes. And thus, it never heals.
They know this.
When you do not seek any closure, but just accept what has transpired, you free yourself from that emotional prison, you may have stuck yourself in by trying to figure them out.
Understand this, the narcissist does not want to be figured out. They love driving people mad.
They love the idea of just destroying lives.
When you do not seek closure, you take away their power.
6 – Ways To Emotionally Detach Yourself: Get Rid Of All The Things That Remind You Of Them
Holding on to the things that you remind you of them is only impeding your chances to heal and move on completely.
Get rid of everything they may have given you, or things that remind you of them.
Now, I know this may not be that easy. As songs, shows, movies, and just trash that you see outside can remind you of them.
This method is not to ultimately give you some level of detachment, but it is a good starting point.
7 – Reframe The Way You Perceive The Relationship
Learning to reframe the past events with the narcissist is something that I do a lot.
I am not altering past events, as if they never existed.
But what I do is learn to reframe it, meaning.
They lied to me.
I see it as they taught me how to be less naive.
They manipulated me.
I see it as they taught me how to be three steps ahead of my “friends.”
They set me up.
I see it as them showing their tactics.
They hurt me.
I see it as them strengthening me.
8 – Accept What Has Happened: That’s Life
There are just people out there who just want the worse for you.
By accepting this TRUTH OF LIFE, you slowly learn how to detach yourself from the negative, irrational opinions of others.
9 – Focus On Things You Love To Do
This may not be the best way to develop detachment, but it is an excellent way to start.
Shift your attention to things you love to do.
Find your passion in life and focus your time and energy on things that genuinely bring you joy.
10 – Join a Support Group
Do you need a community of people like yourself who have dealt with narcissists?
If so, consider join these support group!
If you require therapy, then check out my affiliate link here. Sign up here to speak with a professional therapist and get 20% off your first month’s session.
Reach out for help and live life on your terms once again.
And lastly, learn how to smile and laugh again.
Because laughter does the SOUL good.