Become A Emotional Alchemist – “Premeditatio Malorum“
After leaving several narcissistic relationships, I was deluged with thoughts of negativity—the inner voices of my mind were harsh and torturous to listen to.
“Idiot. You should have seen they were using you.”
“Dummy. That is why you got played. You stupid dummy.”
“Jack@ss. You let them hurt you, and you did NOTHING. Loser.”
“You P*ssy! You stupid P*ssy!
My inner voice pushed me so hard, so hard to the point that I could barely stand being awake.
I enjoyed sleeping because I didn’t have to listen to the voices in my head.
Those inner voices are just as cruel as the narcs I dealt with.
It took me about two years to get to the point that I said: “enough is enough.”
How I got to this way of thinking wasn’t overnight…but it did happen.
And it began with this saying, “Memento Mori.”
It is Latin, and what it means is, “Remember that you are going to die.”
Marcus Aurelius, one of my ALL-TIME heroes, would say this to his right hand every time he went down the street and was praised.
Marcus Aurelius was one of Rome’s Last Great Stoic Emperor!
And stoicism was a defining ideology that really helped me to heal and move forward.
As I delved more into the philosophy of stoicism, I stumbled upon more great minds, with perhaps one of my favorite Stoics being Seneca.
In his teachings, he talks about this idea of “Premeditatio Malorum.”
And what this teaching, and SKILL, is, when translated, means “Negative Visualization.”
What is this you may be wondering?
Allow me to elucidate.
How I Use The Power Of Negativity To Be More Positive: Become A Emotional Alchemist
“What is quite unlooked for is more crushing in its effect, and unexpectedness adds to the weight of a disaster. This is a reason for ensuring that nothing ever takes us by surprise. We should project our thoughts ahead of us at every turn and have in mind every possible eventuality instead of only the usual course of events. Rehearse them in your mind: exile, torture, war, shipwreck. All the terms of our human lot should be before our eyes.” — Seneca
Negative visualization is the psychological tactic of thinking of the worst outcome, so when they come, you are prepared.
However, it is also a tactic that can be used to think about the worst outcomes that COULD have happened so that you have a better appreciation for what dd happen.
So what do I mean by this?
What I did to heal quicker, was to look at my situation with the narc and then think of how much worst it COULD HAVE BEEN.
I think of them hurting me to the point I couldn’t move. And then I think of them getting me locked up in prison for their wrongdoing. I think of me getting a disease because of them and then having them laughing coming to “see me” at the prison.
I think about me being told by a doctor that I have only a month left to live. Then I think about them sending me letters of how they shut my business down and how they torment my family.
I think about my family suffering because I am in prison, and the narc still harasses them, knowing I can do NOTHING.
Then I think about me dying because the stress and anxiety are too much to handle.
I think about the funeral and how they come to spit on my grave. And I think about them succeeding in DESTROYING MY LIFE.
Back to reality!
And none of that happens. Because I just meditated on the worst possible outcome.
When I come out of the meditation, I realize how LITTLE they actually did to me.
Turning Negativity Into Positivity: Becoming An Emotional Alchemist
The hatred and negative energy I had for the narc after doing this psychological tactic gave, and gives, me the strength to KEEP PUSHING MYSELF to live the life I WANT.
By thinking of ALL the negative stuff they could have caused and do to me, I use it as fuel to empower me to have a more positive life.
By just thinking of how much they could have done and then compare t to what they actually did…things didn’t seem as bad.
Become An Emotional Alchemist
I know that the time with the narc was HELLISH. I know that they took so much from you.
But they could have taken FAR MORE had you stayed.
If you are separated from them and still think about them, STOP!
Don’t let them keep on hurting you after they are long gone.
Learn to use this skill and think of how much more they could have hurt you BUT DIDN’T!
Things (and I know some people don’t like this saying but it is TRUE) could have always been worst.
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