How I Became My Narcissist’s Worst Nightmare

How I Became My Narcissist’s Worst Nightmare

Usually, I believe walking away is the best thing to do. But I came across this story on Quora “How I Became My Narcissist’s Worst Nightmare” and I have to say…KUDOS. Sometimes, if you get the chance to beat these creatures at their silly little games and actually win, you may want to do it.

This story comes from Barbara Marie Corsini. Thanks for sharing this story with us!

How To Beat A Narcissists At Their Own Game

How I Became My Narcissist's Worst Nightmare

I did it. I beat mine at his own game. But it took me to a dark place and I lost a little piece of my soul.

I had discovered his massive and fantastic web of lies and he was unable to deny it. He broke down terribly and was at a loss to explain himself. It was absolutely terrible to watch. I’d never seen anyone so empty and broken.

I thought he could be fixed. I told him I would forgive him and stick by him and help him understand himself.

A couple of days later we were out at a sports club with his friends. They were being supportive due to his suicide attempt a couple of months earlier.

While we were skirting vaguely around the subject of that particular recent crisis, he very subtlety inferred to us all that it was me who had driven him to that suicide attempt. It was in such a way that I had no way to reply without looking callous and crazy. But I was suddenly VERY deeply angry. And I made my plan.

Now I knew that he was empty and felt a desperate sense of nothingness. Now I knew how easy it was to hurt him.

Deep down they can and do hurt, very badly.

It’s so easy to further undermine somebody’s sense of self when they lack so badly in this area. And you’ve been taught by your own personal narc. You realize the ways in which they hurt you are also the ways in which they can be hurt the most. It’s so easy once you know.

I f*cked with that guy’s head for the next 8 months. I would let nothing at all provoke me, instead, I fully submitted and treated him like a God and did all his bidding. And I never showed any emotion but distracted happiness. When the cycle came to dumping time again he was going to be sorry. He would have no recent stories of conflict to smear me with, so this was partly self-preservation.

But not only that…

While I was being so ‘nice’ and compliant I would also do this thing where when he got into the shower I would turn on a hot water tap in the kitchen to full so he would suddenly freeze, wait a bit for him to adjust, and then swap and off with the hot, on with the cold. In this way, he would have the maximum chance of scalding himself. He never mentioned it once and neither did I, but he knew I was f*cking with him. About this time I decided I much preferred taking baths.

I was weak when I met him and he hated to see me with any sense of self. Once we went to a music gig on the other side (where I grew up) of town and a friend remarked that this was my old stomping ground. I saw that remark pierced his heart, and the evening turned out to be very ugly indeed.

So now, to hurt him, I only had to say tiny subtle remarks that make him think I have a sense of self. Like remembering things I did with friends when I lived on the other side of town. But I know now that these things pierce his very soul. There’s nothing that hurts him more than to see me whole. I let an arrow fly, let it fester, and watch him suffer.

When he recovers enough, I let another one go.

In truth, I fantasized that he might make another suicide attempt, but this time when I found him, still alive of course but not dead as that’s not his intention, I would walk away for a few hours and wait for the poison or whatever he used to have the full effect, and come back to ‘discover’ him already dead. I’m pretty sure he suspected this, or he would have used it as a tactic to hurt me.

Time and time again he tried to provoke me so he would have an excuse for the next discard and subsequent smear campaign. I just got lovelier and sweeter. It was driving him absolutely nuts.

He just couldn’t break me.

Then he tried to set me up for the ultimate discard. He asked me to marry him.

Actually he borrowed the exact phrases his brother had used when proposing to his girl. It was all I could do to keep from telling him that I had also been there when his brother told the story.

He most definitely planned to abandon me at the alter.

My reply reflected the sentiments expressed often by him and his friends around marriage. I said ‘ honey I love you so much, but it’s JUST a piece of paper. WE don’t need it to prove our love. You don’t have to do this for MY sake. I’m happy the way we are’. He really tried to talk me around, but I stayed firm and ‘insisted’ it wasn’t necessary for my sake.

Two weeks later came the discard.

I was ready. I said cheerily but a little sadly (but laughing because this is MY evil plan coming to fruition) okay, sure, no problem, and remained unaffected. And I didn’t ask to talk about it and simply made a cup of tea and put the dinner on.

In 2 days I found a place and was moved out.

He was still stunned. God, he wanted the opportunity to humiliate me and discard so badly, so he’s hoovering me. I use the opportunity to get him to put a new engine in my car. F*ck it was hard work, but he got it done.

Then no contact. Drop him like a sack of sh*t.

He’s not stupid, so he would have worked it out. I f*cked with his head and then I did the discard, or rather let him do it so he looked like the bad guy and everyone felt sorry for me.

And while he was floundering trying to figure out what was happening I used him. Over 8 months. It was an elaborate creation of bullshit to set him up for MY ultimate discard. He was humiliated and I could only be viewed by outsiders as the perfect girlfriend.

And to see me walking away strong and independent, not bitter but still loving, was the final crushing blow.

I sound like a narc. I lost a piece of my soul in acting this way. And I don’t recommend it, but I beat that f*cker at his own game and hurt him way more in the end than he hurt me.

Enjoy my revenge vicariously.

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Usually, I would not advise playing their game but I honestly believe that this was a great way to get back an to do so while not sinking too low.

And to see me walking away strong and independent, not bitter but still loving, was the final crushing blow.

Now, this…this is how you beat a narcissist at their own game.

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9 thoughts on “How I Became My Narcissist’s Worst Nightmare

  1. I really do not understand this. It is simply revenge. What is the value of that? If you recognize the other person in the relationship (actually, the only one enjoying the relationship) is not in it to care for or about you, simply depart. It is no longer the 1800s or early 1900s. Get out and get better!

    1. Obviously you dont understand NPD. Moving out or leaving doesn’t stop the behavior. Especially if there’s a marriage and kids. You are still tied and the kids become the pawns. Narcissists live to do one thing, destroy you. It’s their fuel. Remove this by not feeding into it. By acting like nothing bothers you. No pain, no fuel. It truly screws with their world view and they don’t know how to respond. When you give them ANYTHING, they turn it on you in the worst way they can think of because their Ego is starving. The goal for the abused is to essentially kill the Ego.

  2. I’ve had to deal with narcissists. Leaving is exactly what it took to stop their behavior from affecting me. Being in a marriage with a narcissits is kind of a misnomer, actually: one is stuck as the narcissist’s servant–at least that’s how it felt to me with the narcissist in charge, and oh boy do they demand to be in charge. If there are children involved, removing the children from that environment is also the go-to in my opinion. Ensure the judge is aware of whatever maniulation was occurring during the marriage and then, hopefully, there will be a fair divorce judgment–fair for both you and the children. Nothing will be considered fair by the narcissist.

    And my point remains: killing the ego in a vengeful way is just revenge. I don’t see the positive factor in that for the person taking the revenge. Leaving, removing children from a toxic environment, and getting a divorce will all be seen as vindictive by the narcissist anway, but IMHO are actually positive things to do.

    Look at this sentence from the article: “Now I knew how easy it was to hurt him.” That’s concentrating on hurting the narcissist. To heck with that AND with the narcissist. Focus on helping yourself (and the kids, if any).

  3. I think you did the right thing for you! I would have done the same type of thing. At the end of the day either way you were going to lose a piece of yourself.

  4. There’s a person in my life who needs to control me. He would call, beg to see me, then used me for the night while promising the earth. Then he’d make another date the next morning but fail to call, turn up, etc…it was devastating for a couple of years. I know now that if I resist when he calls, he tries harder. Instead, I now say yes, yes, yes, let’s meet on Saturday at location, but call me first, yes? He says yes, yes, yes. Then doesn’t call. I don’t follow up, so we never meet. I haven’t seen him for more than 18 months. The trick is to agree to everything, but do what’s right for you.

  5. By George think we’ve got it!! talking about this horrible behavior is great. it helped to heal me and make whole again.
    I pray that any one dealing with this can find this site. We are dealing with a satanic behavior.

  6. I’m 43 divorced with my kids and still living with my ex. For the past 4 years she has been accusing me of being a narcissistic psychopath or vice versa. Honestly I had an idea but didn’t really know what she was telling all of these people what or who I am. Then in a single week I received about 24 phone calls and out of those calls I knew 1 person and they all told me that I was dealing with a narcissist. Most of the people who called me were part of some online group that she happened to be a part of and the others where people she knew .After being called that for so long and then getting those calls I finally decided to look up the definition and everything became clear and on that day I started taking the power she had away and she became meaner and desperate and since then she has even tried to get full custody of my children and move away. It obviously did not work,now after all the horrible things she has pulled lately and I have dealt with my kids have dealt with and I find myself wanting to see her get better, What’s wrong with me?

  7. While revenge does feel sweet, I think you’re making a huge mistake. Putting out that bad karma by lowering yourself to his level, will in time have consequences. More than likely from him, if not, in some other area in your life. Treating anyone bad, either intentionally or not, will come to back to bite you in the ass when you least expect it.

    Narcissists can’t stand to lose. He will come back in some shape or form and go for the grand finale. It may be this week, this month, this year, or maybe twenty years from now.

    Always be on alert and have strong boundaries.

  8. I actually know How Great it is to do similar. And it’s a big healer for dignity. I had a choice: no contact or contact with awareness, the tools of his and the plan. I will write about it later but for now: I’m with you. I would never enter any recovery without playing a little game with my Narc. I’m not the victim who wants to run, hide and act as majority. Firstly, as they are laughing at us and feeling above the rules. Simply because they are allowed by victims. Let go and hide ? No way. Not me. I’m not sure if I would call it revenge. For me it was proving: you are not entitled, and yes you will face the consequences as everyone else. Secondly, they are feeling entitled cos they get away with whatever abuse they done and it’s not going to change until some of us manage to do differently. Entering the dark place is the price, but excuse me! I was there for years because of Narc. Mirroring him and watch him defeat , confused and loosing the grand is TAKING BACK THE DIGNITY. Therefore, I am requesting those who cannot do this to stay away from criticism, as you don’t know what you are talking about. Well done girl. I hope you know what type of Empath you are? The very rare one! Only this type is capable to face the Narc and we are here to teach them lessons. Congratulations xxxx

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