Divorcing A Narcissist So, you have finally exited the fog that the narcissist has placed you in. Congratulation, Neos! You have exited the Narcissistic Matrix. But the battle ahead will be very difficult. If you want to learn how to divorce a narcissist or a psychopath (I know…what’s the difference) follow these ten steps. You, by now, know that narcissists are not thinking justifiably or rationally. Divorcing them will legit be like trying to cut off your arm with a scalpel.
THIS WILL BE PAINFULLY DIFFICULT.
And this is because for narcissists, EVERYTHING IS A GAME… and they play to win.
Understand Your Narcissistic Spouse: Divorcing a NarcissistBy now you know what they are. But still, dealing with them through the whole divorce process will be A Nightmare On Reality Street. They have no qualms:
- acting up a storm
- tearing you down
- using the kids…USING THE KIDS
- and getting their flying monkeys to paint you out as a villain.
These people are NUTJOBS.You have to ALWAYS keep your cool with these people. Don’t allow their antics, smear campaigns, and use of the children unbridle you. One angry verbal attack will be ALL they will need to win.
Stay Strong.In this scenario just think about this, “how would you want your child to handle this situation“? Remember what you are doing this for (this being your child, freedom, or just separation from these creatures.).
10 Crucial Steps You Need To Take When Divorcing A Narcissist
1 – Hire an Experienced Divorce Attorney NOT An Aggressive LawyerNow I know what you are saying.
“I need to go to WAR WITH THEM.”Hold on Ares (God of War). Remember how narcissists act. They love conflict. They love to engage in dirty fighting.
DO NOT FIGHT ON THEIR GROUNDS.
You will lose.What you need to do is search for, and do research on, lawyers who have experience in this field. Don’t hire an aggressive lawyer and don’t hire someone who is fresh but willing to give you a discount. Remember this is not just about divorcing them, you want to completely separate these people from your life. If they win they will make sure that you are still in their lives somehow so they can keep on hurting you. Play this smart and try your very best to keep your emotions in check.
I know…I know how angry you are.But think about how much angrier you will be if you lose and then have to STILL DEAL with them after the divorce. Is it worth it? Hell no. Play this cool, calm, and smart. And make sure your attorney is just as cool as you will have to be.
Strategy comes best when you are calm; NOT ANGRY and AGGRESSIVE.
2 – Hope For The Best But Prepare for the WorstRemember that narcissists are some of the best actors and actresses you will ever witness in life. Do not assume that the judge will be able to see through them. This is more the reason why YOU MUST keep your cool. Know that your narcissists will do their very best to CHARM the judge. In this time, it is not uncommon for many people to lose their cool; thus giving the narcissists what they want.
Remain in control. REMAIN IN CONTROL.Set up certain small tests between you and the narcissists and watch to see if they will follow it or not. Make them think you have a bit of trust for them…but the trust that you give is just to test to see how low they will sink. Let these be your cues.
Remember: PLAY IT COOL and PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE WORST OUTCOME.
3 – Document EVERYTHING! EVERY…THING!Hey, I don’t know how to break this to you..but narcissist lie. And they will lie over some of the silliest things.
“You know I was the inspiration for the moon landing.”
(I wish that were hyperbole)Make sure that you write, record, and document EVERY interaction you can during this process. These people are pathological liars. And they believe that in lying it will make you emotional (which it may – but stay cool). This is a huge flaw. So take advantage of it. Remember we are strategic warriors. Narcissists are attrition warriors. Meaning they try and beat you down with just sheer numbers. And the number of lies they will say is sure enough to make anyone crack. But with the evidence you will have — that will easily stop them in their tracks. Keep documents of:
- Facebook messages
- verbal interactions
- Instagram pics
4 – Make Sure You Have a PlanDivorcing a narcissist is tricky and this is because these people have an amazing ability to bring out the worst in us. By writing out a plan and keeping your goals in mind you will be able to stay focused. Once in the courtroom, these people will do EVERYTHING they can to throw you off balance. Keep your eyes on the goal.
Your goals will keep you focused.
5 – Act, Don’t React.
SPEAK WITH A THERAPIST. SPEAK WITH A THERAPIST. HEY! SEPAK WITH A THERAPIST.Now, excuse the capitalized wording above. Picture me as your conscious yelling out to you to do what’s right for you. Know that your narcissistic spouse is going to put on a show. God, do I know. These people, I swear they could give Academy Award Winners a run on acting. I love Denzel Washington. I think he is a brilliant actor.
But damn “DENZEL AIN’T GOT SHIT ON NARCISSIST”.
“He’s just pretending. THEY LIVE A LIE.”Remember to smile. Because this will keep you calm. When you are engaging with these people keep your cool and just smile because it will lower your stress that you will feel. Check out this therapist site. You may not be able to have the time to speak with your therapist on the day of the courtroom fiasco. But with this site, you can schedule a meeting 20 to an hour before your courtroom drama to keep you cool, calm, and collected. Sign up here with my affiliate link to get 20% off your first month.
6 – Prepare Yourself For What Could Be A MarathonNow, prepare yourself because this could potentially last longer than you want. This is more of the reason why you must follow the above. Make sure you keep evidence of all your interaction (those nasty tweets, Facebook slandering, and HOSTILE PHONE CALL MESSAGES will be SO HELPFUL). Also talking with a therapist will keep you emotionally strong. Now, this lasting longer than you want isn’t necessarily a bad thing. And before you raise your eyebrow…hey, lower that eyebrow.
I am on your side here; hence the article. 🙂The reason is, as mentioned above, these people are pathological liars. Lies do not last long and the cracks in their stories will soon reveal what they have been trying to hide all along. Be able to stay calm and focused for a long period of time.
7 – Have a Strong Support TeamFamily of course. Close friends. Support groups on social media (you are not alone). Your therapist. These people will be healers for the emotional battle you will be going through. This will be perhaps the most difficult fight you will ever have to engage in.
DON’T FIGHT IT ALONE.Do not allow these people to tear you down. Stay strong and reach out to your support groups. This may be difficult but after winning…YOU WILL BE SO MUCH STRONGER because of it. Stay strong. To offer you a bit of help on my end read these “25 Quotes To Get You Through Tough And Trying Times“. Number 4 is my personal favorite.
8 – Make Your Narcissist Thinking They Are “Winning“In chess, you win by making your opponent think they have the upper hand on you. How do you do this? By giving them small victories. Now, allow (this being the operative word here) the narcissist to have small battles. You don’t want to win all the battles but lose the war. You are trying to win the war not the small petty battles. So let them think you want something that means something to you and then let them have that. They will be blindsided because that was not what you really cared about. Be able to sacrifice pawns if you have to.
9 – Limit The Amount Of Time Between You and Your SpouseThis is pretty much self-explanatory. The less you have to see of them, the calmer and focused you will be.
10 – Make Strong BoundariesBy setting up boundaries you only start the separation process that much quicker.
How To Divorce A Narcissist & WinHow to divorce a narcissist or a psychopath will be challenging. But I truly believe that in taking the steps above this will be a battle that you can come out and win. Never give in to their drama. Never give in to their games. And never give up...ON YOURSELF. You may crack sometimes and think you just can’t do it. But in these times reach out to your support group. Reach out to your therapist. Read positive affirmation.
But never…NEVER GIVE UP on yourself and your life.
Wishing you all the best in your battle for your HAPPY LIFE.
Peace and love to you.
And wishing you a victory!
Bonus: Listen To Positive Music
Keep looking “Up”. A better life is just around the corner.
Sign up here with my affiliate link to take this 21-Day Challenge. It has been said it takes 21 days to form a new habit. Why not create a new habit?