Narcissists get a kick out of devaluing a person, and the reasons derive from how they feel about themselves.
For those of us who have been in a relationship with a narcissist, it is not uncommon for many of us to feel like we were nothing to them.
We can feel like we were expendable.
When we feel devalued by narcissists, what that does to them is boosts their ego.
Narcissists have a fantastic ability to make us feel as if we are less than them. And they do this in many ways.
What Is The Meaning Of Devalue?
In the context of a narcissistic relationship, devaluation in psychology means to make feel worthless or not good enough.
This Is Why The Malignant Narcissist Love Devaluing A Person
Why Do Narcissists Devalue You?
There are several reasons why a narcissist would devalue a person.
Examples of devaluing a person:
- gaslighting us (denying our reality)
- projecting on us (they will do wrong and THINK we are doing the same thing)
- blame shifting (everything that they do wrong is our fault)
- invalidating our pain
- ignoring our messages
- telling us how worthless we are
- etc. (the list can go on)
Why Narcissist Gaslight?
Narcissists gaslight to maintain their false persona and control over their victims.
They use gaslighting to manipulate and dominate their victims, making them doubt their sanity and reality.
By distorting the victim’s reality, the narcissist can control them completely.
The victim becomes so consumed by confusion and chaos that they are no longer able to think or act rationally.
This allows the narcissist to get away with whatever they want without consequence.
Why do Narcissists Project Their Insecurity?
Narcissists are often insecure, and this insecurity is often projected onto others. Narcissists may feel they are not good enough, so they find ways to put others down to make themselves feel better.
They may also believe that others are out to get them, so they project their fears and insecurities onto others. This can be very damaging to relationships as it can lead to a lot of drama and conflict.
It is essential to understand why narcissists behave this way to protect themselves from their attacks better.
Why do Narcissists Blameshift?
A narcissist will blame shift for avoiding taking responsibility for their actions. They often try to turn the focus onto someone else, making it seem their fault.
This can be very confusing and frustrating for the people around them. Narcissists do this because they are trying to protect their fragile ego.
They don’t want to admit that they made a mistake or that they did something wrong. By blaming someone else, they can avoid any potential shame or embarrassment.
Why do Narcissists Give Silent Treatment?
When narcissists give the silent treatment, it’s their way of punishing their victims. They know that silence will cause their victims the most pain.
Narcissists can dish out punishment with little emotion because they don’t feel empathy for others.https://laughingatnarcs.com/accept-the-silent-treatment-and-you-win/
Instead, they use the silent treatment to manipulate and control their victims.
Narcissists Are Irrational
Narcissists are irrational people and, in their twisted minds, somehow can be passed on to us when we stay with them for long periods.
Developing mental illnesses because of these people is not uncommon.
Narcissists are a plague, and the longer you stay around them, the sicker you get and become.
Stay around them too long, and you can wind up being them; a broken empath is a narcissist’s greatest invention.
Devaluation with a narcissist is always a part of the relationship.
Once we stop seeing our worth and feel devalued, we give the narcissist so much power.
In this article, I want to explain what is devalued in a narcissistic relationship, why the narcissist likes devaluing a person, and what you can do to stop feeling devalued.
Disclaimer: This article may include affiliate links.
The Narcissists Devalues Us Because
I want you to imagine this for a second. A man is walking into a pawn shop with a very rare antique. This rare antique cannot be found anywhere else in the world.
The man that comes into his shop, however, is in desperate need of money. He needs resources to build his Engine steam, E-Steam (hint- hint).
The pawnshop owner, seeing the value in the antique — and NOT wanting this guy to go elsewhere, proceeds to point out all the flaws in the antique.
He tells the guy that “it is in bad shape, but from the kindness of my heart, I will give you such and such. If you go elsewhere, they will pay you LESS. What I am giving you…this is A LOT. You should appreciate it.”
The guy, not understanding the actual value of his Engine steam (E-Steam), gives in to the pawn owner and gets far less than he would have had he gone elsewhere.
They Devalue Us Because They Don’t Want Us To Know Our Value
Understand this; narcissists are like pawnshop owners.
They don’t want you to know your worth because once we know our worth, we will leave them and go someplace where our worth will be appreciated.
Quick note: Appreciation also means increasing value (definition number 3). Hence is why they never want you to go out with others (having friends, or even family, visit you)
To them, to lose us is truly a loss. And not an emotional loss but just a materialistic loss.
Know that these people do not see us as humans but as objects; hence is why they treat us the way they do.
They see us as tools, toys, and items for their pleasure.
The toy analogy is such a powerful analogy because narcissists are kidults. They are kids in adult bodies.
And much like a kid is scared to lose their toys or games, so are narcissists scared to fail us.
If you are dealing with a narcissist who devalues you and wants revenge…the best thing to do is to LEAVE THEM and GO NO CONTACT.
You get back your worth, and you take from them something they secretly find very valuable.
The narcissist needs to feel powerful and superior: Devaluing A Person
Narcissists need to feel powerful and superior to build up their self-esteem. This need often manifests itself in the need for admiration and respect from others.
Narcissists may put on a facade of being confident and strong, but inside they often feel insecure and inferior. They need to be the center of attention and have excessive pride in their accomplishments.
The narcissist’s need for control: Devaluing A Person
The narcissist need for control is a driving force in their lives. They need to be in charge of every situation and have complete control over those around them.
This need can manifest itself in many ways, such as being demanding and critical or isolating themselves and their victim from others. The narcissist’s need for control can be insidious and often goes unnoticed by their victims until it’s too late.
By understanding the signs of this need, victims can begin to take steps to protect themselves from the harm a narcissist can cause.
The narcissist’s lack of empathy: Devaluing A Person
The narcissist’s lack of empathy is well documented. They are unable to understand or share the feelings of others, which often leads to them being cold, unsupportive, and even abusive.
This can be incredibly damaging to their victims, who may feel like they are constantly walking on eggshells around the narcissist.
What makes this lack of empathy even more troubling is that it appears to be a conscious decision on the part of the narcissist; they know how to empathize, but they choose not to.
This can make it very difficult for victims to get the support they need from their abuser.
The narcissist’s tendency to devalue others: Devaluing A Person
The narcissist’s tendency to devalue others can be seen in how they treat people they deem unworthy of their time or attention.
This often manifests as contempt or scorn, which the narcissist uses to put others down and make themselves feel better. In extreme cases, this can lead to abuse or violence.
The narcissist’s need for control and superiority over others leads them to seek out relationships with people who are weaker than them, which allows them to dominate and manipulate them.
Ultimately, the narcissist’s devaluation of others reinforces their sense of superiority and self-importance.
The effects of being devalued by a narcissist: Devaluing A Person
If a narcissist has ever devalued you, you know the pain that comes with it. This abuse can be incredibly damaging, leaving you feeling worthless and insignificant. You may feel like you are going crazy or the only one who sees what is happening.
Truthfully, being devalued by a narcissist is very real and can have long-lasting effects on your psyche. You may struggle with self-confidence and self-esteem issues for years after the abuse has stopped. You may also find it difficult to trust others, as you have likely learned that people cannot be trusted.
It is essential to seek help if you are struggling after being devalued by a narcissist. There is support available to help you heal and rebuild your life. Remember, you are not alone in this, and there is hope for healing.
Feeling Devalued & What You Can Do To Stop Feeling Devalued
What you can do to stop feeling devalued in your present and future relationships is to start setting up boundaries.
Setting up boundaries and knowing what YOU WILL NOT TOLERATE for people is a great way to stop the devaluing in its track.
Narcissistic people can wonder about a person’s mind and emotional well-being.
If you feel like you cannot cope because the psychological abuse has weighed so heavy on your mind and has left you crippled, reach out to a therapist.
As much as my blog may be enlightening, nothing beats professional help.
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