When a Covert Narcissist finds someone new, it can feel as if we weren’t/ or aren’t good enough.
We can feel like our world is coming down around us.
This is especially true when you are being discarded by a covert narcissist husband.
To have given so many years of your life to a person, and in some cases even decades, and to have the covert narcissist just up and discard us for whatever reasons that conjured up in their minds can leave us baffled.
This discard sadly can cause many of us to feel as if we want to get back in their lives.
Because if we can get them to take us back, it will validate our egos. It will show that we matter.
But the truth of the matter is that we do matter and we do not need them to tell us that.
The narcissist in your life understands that in discarding us and then moving on the next week or in sme cases in a few days that we will hurt.
The covert narcissist knows this and they delight in the idea that they can hurt us without even having to harm us.
This is why the covert narcissist hurried up and moved on after the split. They already had people (supply) waiting when they decided to discard us.
The discard is to give them pleasure because they know that getting rid of us — and then finding someone else to replace us — is just emotional and psychological torture that many of us would not be strong enough to bear; initially.
Are Covert Narcissists Evil?
I do believe that these people are pure evil. In every sense of the word, they are the living embodiment of what it is to be demonic. They smile in our faces while conspiring in their dark hearts and minds of all the nasty and cruel things they will do.
There is no rhyme or reason why they have such a desire to destroy our lives, but you must understand that the new love interest in their life is nothing more than just a tool to hurt you.
And I dare say that a majority of these people have no concept of what love is.
Well, they may love to hurt and use people, but the love that we ordinary empathic and mature people feel is an alien concept to them.
No matter how much they (the partner and supply) may smile in their Facebook post, Instagram post, or other social media platforms, the new supply is nothing more than a…lie, a tool, a toy to the covert narcissist.
Much like we were.
And the sad thing about it is that most times, the new covert narcissist supply “doesn’t even know this themselves.”
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The New Covert Narcissist Supply
The covert narcissist supply is JUST AN ILLUSION.
The covert narcissist husband/wife knows that you are watching.
The new covert narcissist supply is just a tool to HURT US.
And the more you watch their relationship the more you will hurt.
Instead of being angry at the new supply, pity them.
Even if they know the narcissist left us for them.
Pity them because they have no idea how they are being played!
They have no idea that they are just being used. This is what the covert narcissist does; they only use people.
What To Do When Narcissist Finds New Supply
When the narcissist finds a new supply, here are a few things you can do to keep yourself from pulling yourself apart and thus doing the job for the covert narcissist for them.
You are so much more than you give yourself credit for and YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT!
What To Do When Narcissist Finds New Supply:
- Get That Emotional Support YOU WILL NEED
- Vent! Get That Anger Out
- Learn How To Effectively Communicate What You Are Going Through
- Learn How To Move Forward
- Discover Who You Really Are
Get That Emotional Support You Will Need
What you are going through is a burden that not even Atlas (The Greek God) could bear on his shoulders alone.
You are only human, and the pain, hurt, shame, guilt you may feel for having loved them is going to weigh heavy on your heart.
In this time, you need to get your small circle, and it must be small, of people you trust and feel you can talk to and lean on.
They will be the ones who keep you from sinking into the dark, cold abyss of nihilism.
And dear god, that abyss is so easy to fall into when you are discarded so viciously as covert narcissists do.
Vent! Get It Out!
It is so important to let that anger out. Get it off your chest. Yell! Scream! Beat A Pillow! CRY if you have to!
Whatever you do….LET IT OUT.
Many of us fail to see what happens when we keep that type of anger in our hearts.
It starts to fester and deteriorate our hearts, and soon, we become just like the narcissist. We begin to act, behave, and think like them.
We become, what I like to call “Broken Empaths.”
Learn How To Effectively Communicate What You Are Going Through
As much as your friends can be there to be soemone for you to lean on, nothing beats professional help.
Therapy will be an excellent way for you to learn how to communicate TO YOURSELF what you have been through effectively.
Why you been through it? Why you allowed so much? What were some of the reasons that made you overlook the red flags?
And help you discover how you can move forward with your life.
I highly recommend that you give therapy a chance as it can save you from the ruminating thoughts that will inevitably happen.
Sign up with my affiliate link here at Online Therapy and get 20% off your first month’s sessions.
Learn How To Move Forward
This is going to be different for people. You have to find something that will give you the strength to keep pressing forward when the past will do its very best to keep you stuck.
Religion, spirituality, a higher being is a great source of strength for many, and connecting with that higher power may be all you need to stay strong on days where you feel weak and feel as if you cannot go on any longer.
“I Told The Storm”
Discover Who You Really Are
They…do…NOT…define your worth.
You Are Worth Something Without The Covert Narcissist In Your Life
What do I mean by this? As empaths, we love. And when we love, we love so unconditionally and innocently. This is what the covert narcissist can somehow sniff out.
When a covert narcissist finds someone new, it isn’t because we weren’t good enough.
It is their sneaky little tactic of trying to make us jealous. It is their sneaky way of trying to hurt us.
To them, everything is a game. The narcissists we have encountered in our lives know that some of us will be watching.
Which is why the seem to love the new supply all that much more.
And this is more the reason why I champion the idea of NO CONTACT.
Because it will make everything they do, living the FALSE LIFE, be for nothing.
Furthermore, by going NO CONTACT, we will be able to get back to who we were before the narc’s irrational thinking poisoned us.
I know it hurts now, but if you go back and keep thinking about them, you will remain hurt for the rest of your life. Stay strong and go NO CONTACT.
Your future self will thank you.
Note: If you can not go No Contact due to having kids then I highly recommend “Grey Rocking.”
No Shame In Therapy Sessions + FREE PEER GROUP APP
Narcissistic people can do a wonder on someone’s mind and psychology. In fact, I wrote an article called “10+ Mental Illnesses Caused By Staying With A Narcissists“.
The narcissists and their legion of fools can slowly drive you insane. And sometimes the best help you can ever receive is from a stranger.
When everyone around you is trying to convince you that YOU are the bad person, sometimes an objective view of you from someone you don’t know maybe what saves you from drowning in the sea of insanity the narc and their legion of fools try and drown you in.
Therapy can help heal in ways that reading blogs, listening to videos, and talking with other WARRIORS (we are not survivors, we are warriors) can ever do.
Join my Facebook Fan Page “No Shame In Therapy” to get a 20% discount on your first-month session, as well as articles and updates on the benefits of therapy.
Narcs have a legion of fools behind them to hurt you, I think it would be a good thing to build your own army of warriors and allies to help stand by your side.
Need Peer Support? Download Wearemore app to vent, get support, or just talk with others who are going through what you are going through!