It is not easy co-parenting with a narcissist. The narcissist is always trying to one-up you and make you look bad. They are never happy with anything you do and always try to control the situation.
This can make it difficult to have a harmonious relationship with them. However, there are some strategies you can use to try and make the situation more bearable.
What Is Coparenting?
Coparenting is a parenting arrangement in which both parents share the responsibility of raising their child. This can be done through joint physical custody, joint legal custody, or a combination of both.
Sometimes, the child may live with one parent and visit the other parent regularly. Coparenting requires communication and cooperation between both parents to be successful.
Co-parenting has many benefits, such as giving children a sense of stability and security, providing them with a support system from both parents, and allowing them to experience different parenting styles.
Coparenting can also help reduce conflict between parents and allow them to better co-parent their child after divorce or separation.
However, co-parenting can be challenging. It takes effort and commitment from both parents to make it work.
Co Parenting With a Narcissist
It can be a nightmare.
For many people, co-parenting with a narcissist is a nightmarish experience. Narcissists are difficult to deal with and often refuse to compromise or cooperate. This can make co-parenting extraordinarily challenging and even impossible in some cases.
If you’re unlucky enough to be co-parenting with a narcissist, there are some things you can do to try and make the situation more bearable.
First, it’s essential to set clear boundaries and stick to them. Narcissists will often try to take advantage of any situation they can, so you must be firm with them.
Secondly, try to keep communication as civil as possible. The narcissist will likely try to provoke you into an argument, so it’s best to bite your tongue and walk away if necessary.
What Is A Narcissist?
A narcissist is someone who excessively admires and loves themselves. Many people think that being narcissistic is terrible, but it can be helpful in some ways. For example, narcissists are often successful because they are confident and believe in themselves.
However, there are downsides to being a narcissist. Narcissists can be difficult to be around because they often talk about themselves and can be insensitive to others. They may also have trouble keeping healthy relationships because they often expect others to admire and idolize them.
A toxic parent is someone who, through their words or actions, causes emotional damage to their child. This can occur in many ways, but some common examples include: constantly putting their child down, making them feel guilty or worthless, and manipulating them emotionally or physically abusive.
A toxic parent’s behavior usually stems from unresolved childhood issues and traumas. As a result, they often take out their pain on their children through verbal or physical abuse. This cycle of abuse can be passed down from generation to generation unless it is stopped.
If you suspect you have a toxic parent, it is essential to seek help from a professional who can assist you in dealing with the situation. They can help you understand your parent’s behavior and how it impacts you.
Signs you are co-parenting with a narcissist
Here are a few signs that you are co-parenting with a narcissist:
- They try and gaslight you (make you question if you are a good person)
- They are always putting you down.
- They will ignore your rules and your boundaries
- They lack empathy toward you
- They badmouth you to your children
14 Rules for Co-Parenting with a Narcissist
- Lower your expectations
- Realize that their #1 goal is to get your attention
- Set communication boundaries
- Commit to a 24-hour turnaround in regard to communications
- Realize that their statement almost has zero information value
- Reverse pronouns
- Be a good parent to your kids
- Do what works for you
- Accept that you can’t depend on them
- Own that you are the leader
- Validate your kiddos’ feelings
- Know the laws in your state
- Stop worrying about what other people think
- Report abuse
Read the rules in full detail here.
How to have no contact and co parent with a narcissist#
If you have decided to have no contact with your narcissist ex, it is essential to set boundaries and stick to them.
Make a plan: Decide what kind of communication, if any, you will allow. This may be no communication or only through a third party, such as a lawyer or mediator. Stick to your decision; don’t allow yourself to be drawn back by empty promises or threats.
Keep your distance: If you have children together, make arrangements for drop-offs and pickups that minimize contact with the narcissist. If possible, have someone else handle all communications so that you don’t have to deal directly with them.
Tips for co-parenting with Narcissistic Ex-Partner
1 – Establish a legal parenting plan
A legal parenting plan is essential when co-parenting with a narcissistic ex-partner. Without a plan, the narcissist will take advantage of every opportunity to control and manipulate the situation.
The plan should include a schedule for parenting time, decision-making, and communication.
It is also essential to establish boundaries with the narcissistic ex-partner. Make it clear that their manipulative behavior will not be tolerated. Establishing these boundaries will help protect you and your children from their toxic behavior.
2 – Maintain firm boundaries
It can be difficult to co-parent with a narcissistic ex-partner. They may try to undermine you or make you feel like you are not doing enough. It is essential to maintain firm boundaries with them.
Here are some tips for co-parenting with a narcissistic ex-partner:
- Maintain firm boundaries. Narcissistic people often try to take advantage of others. They will try to take a mile if you give them an inch. So it is essential to maintain firm boundaries with them.
- Communicate clearly and concisely. When communicating with a narcissist, it is essential to be clear and concise. Otherwise, they will try to twist your words and use them against you.
- Don’t engage in arguments or power struggles. Narcissists love nothing more than a good argument or power struggle.
3 – Avoid emotional arguments
An emotional argument uses an emotional appeal to persuade the audience. This type of argument often relies on pathos, or an emotional appeal, to convince the audience to side with the speaker.
Logos, logical reasoning, ethos, or appeals to character may also be used in an emotional argument. However, the use of emotion sets this type of argument apart.
An emotional argument may be more effective than a logical one because it can tap into our deepest fears and desires. This type of argument can be particularly persuasive because it can make us feel something rather than think about something. Sometimes, an emotional response is more powerful than a logical one.
When used effectively, an emotional argument can be a very persuasive tool. However, it is essential to use emotion judiciously.
It can be difficult to co-parent with a narcissistic ex-partner. They may try to provoke you into emotional arguments or make you feel like you are not doing enough.
Here are some tips to help you avoid these arguments and maintain a healthy relationship with your children:
- Keep communication focused on the child. When communicating with your narcissistic ex-partner, keep the focus on the child. This will help avoid potential arguments about parenting styles or other issues.
- Do not engage in arguments. If your ex-partner tries to start an argument with you, do not engage. This will only escalate the situation and could result in an ugly custody battle.
- Be assertive but calm.
Check out how to talk with a narcissist here.