Breaking The Conditioned Mindset
Perhaps one of the hardest things to deal with while being and/or leaving a narcissistic relationship is the idea of feeling like a bad guy. We feel like the bad guys when they have a terrible day. We feel like the bad guy when things don’t go their way.
Most of us have been so heavily conditioned to feel like we are the bad guys when we don’t do what they want.
Heaven to Murgatroyd, if we say, “NO” to whatever lunacy they may ask. Or forget the idea of saying “I have something else to do.”
God, we are such monsters for daring to put ourselves first for 1% of the relationship.
Even though we can give them 99% of our attention, we are still the selfish bastards for not giving them it all.
It is this feeling of being a bad guy that causes so many of us to stay in these relationships much longer than we would like to. It is this feeling that makes so many of us go RUNNING BACK to the narcissist.
Despite our gut screaming out to us that, WE ARE NOT IN THE WRONG.
Listen to me, because HEAVEN KNOWS I HAVE BEEN MADE THE BAD GUY…
YOU ARE NOT THE BAD GUY.
And here is why.
Breaking The Conditioned Mindset: YOU ARE NOT THE BAD GUY
You Have The Right To Say “NO”
There is power in saying “NO.” It is not a chauvinistic or arrogant power; it is a power that says you have boundaries.
And it is this, the setting up of boundaries, that makes you feel like a bad guy.
You have been conditioned for so long that you believe by having your own spaces and boundaries that you are building up a wall.
You have allowed the narc and their flock of flying monkeys to enter your mind and convince you that you don’t have the right to have boundaries.
And you know what?
THEY ARE WRONG.
You are an island unto yourself, and you have the right, THE DAMN RIGHT, to defend your mental foundation and character.
Nobody has the right to go into another man’s home, kick his feet up, tosses stuff around, and then be EXPECTED TO STAY THERE RENT FREE.
And the same must go true for your character and your mental fortitude.
You have the right to set up boundaries, especially when you AREN’T TRYING TO TEAR DOWN ANYONE ELSE’S BOUNDARIES.
You Have The Right To Feel Wronged
Feeling wronged is a human right. Most of us have been so conditioned to believe that we should feel bad that we have made the narcissist feel bad because they wronged us.
Let this insanity sink in for a second.
Listen, there is nothing wrong with feeling wrong and YOU DO NOT HAVE TO MAKE THEM FEEL GOOD after THEY HAVE DONE YOU WRONG.
Stop feeling like a bad guy because you refuse to be wronged by actually BAD GUYS.