Adult Children Of Narcissists: How to Deal with Your Narcissistic Parent
Narcissistic parents can be challenging to deal with as an adult. They may have a difficult time admitting when they are wrong, and they often expect their children always to please them.
To deal with a narcissistic parent, it is essential to stay calm and rational.
You should also keep communication open and be prepared to compromise your interests to get along with your parent.
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- 1 How to Deal with Your Narcissistic Parent as an Adult
- 1.1 How to recognize a narcissistic parent
- 1.2 The effects of having a narcissistic parent
- 1.3 What Adult Children Of Narcissists Struggle With
- 1.3.1 Indecision: Adult Children Of Narcissists
- 1.3.2 Internalized Gaslighting: Adult Children Of Narcissists
- 1.3.3 No Focus on Their Own Needs: Adult Children Of Narcissists
- 1.3.4 Chronic Self-Blame: Adult Children Of Narcissists
- 1.3.5 Insecure Attachment: Adult Children Of Narcissists
- 1.3.6 Always on Edge: Adult Children Of Narcissists
- 1.4 How to deal with a narcissistic parent as an adult
- 1.5 Other Measures You Can Take
- 1.6 Moving on from a narcissistic parent
- 1.7 Seek Therapy If Need Be
- 1.8 Conclusion
How to Deal with Your Narcissistic Parent as an Adult
How to recognize a narcissistic parent
There are several key ways to recognize a narcissistic parent. They may be very controlling and demanding of their children, often putting their needs above all others.
Narcissistic parents may also have difficulty accepting any form of criticism and can be very defensive when it is directed toward them.
Additionally, they may excessively boast about their achievements and belittle or criticize others, especially their children.
Finally, they typically have a lack of empathy for others and can be pretty manipulative.
Signs You Had A Narcissistic Parent: Adult Children Of Narcissists
If you have a narcissistic parent, you may feel like you can never do anything right. Your parent is never satisfied and always demands more and more from you.
You may feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells, trying not to upset your parent. You may feel like you are always being criticized and judged.
You may also find that your narcissistic parent demands your time and attention. Your parent may always need to be the center of attention and will never let you have any privacy or independence.
Your parent may also use emotional blackmail to control you, such as threatening to withdraw love or approval if you don’t do what they want.
How Do They Emotionally Blackmail You?: Adult Children Of Narcissists
When it comes to narcissistic parents, one of the most insidious things they do is emotionally blackmail their children.
Narcissistic parents use guilt and manipulation to control their children into doing what they want.
They may threaten to withhold love or approval unless the child complies with their demands.
Or, they may make the child feel responsible for their happiness and well-being. This can result in the child feeling overwhelmed and helpless.
Narcissistic parents often use emotional blackmail as a way to maintain power and control over their children.
Using threats and manipulation, they can get their children to do what they want without resorting to physical abuse.
The child may fear that if they don’t comply with the parent’s wishes, they will be abandoned or rejected. As a result, the child ends up feeling trapped and powerless.
The effects of having a narcissistic parent
People often think of narcissism in terms of vanity and self-obsession.
However, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a mental disorder that is characterized by a person’s excessive need for admiration and lack of empathy for others.
It is estimated that about 1% of the population has NPD, and it occurs more often in men than women.
There are many detrimental effects of having a narcissistic parent. The child may constantly feel like they are not good enough and are always trying to please their parent to receive approval.
They may have difficulty forming healthy relationships as adults because they have never learned how to empathize with others.
They may also struggle with self-esteem issues and be very susceptible to bouts of depression.
What Adult Children Of Narcissists Struggle With
Indecision: Adult Children Of Narcissists
The definition of indecision is the inability to make a decision. This is a common struggle for adult children of narcissists because we have never been taught how to make decisions.
We were always told what to do and how to do it. We were never allowed to think for ourselves.
As a result, we often find ourselves in limbo, not knowing what to do or which way to go. This can be very frustrating and overwhelming.
We may agonize over decisions for days or weeks, trying to figure out the “right” thing to do. We may consult with others, but ultimately, the decision is ours and ours alone.
We must be willing to live with the consequences of our decisions, good or bad.
Internalized Gaslighting: Adult Children Of Narcissists
Internalized gaslighting is a form of abuse that adult children of narcissists struggle with. The victim starts to doubt their sanity and begins to question reality.
This happens because the narcissist has constantly been putting their victim down, making them feel like they are never good enough.
The victim may start to believe that the narcissist is correct and that they are crazy.
This can lead to depression, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughts. Narcissistic abuse victims need help from a therapist who understands this type of abuse.
No Focus on Their Own Needs: Adult Children Of Narcissists
While Adult Children of Narcissists may appear to be self-sufficient and confident, they often struggle with low self-esteem and an inability to focus on their needs.
This is due in part to the way they were raised. Their parent was so focused on their own needs that the child never learned how to meet their own.
As a result, Adult Children of Narcissists often find it difficult to trust others and tend to be perfectionists. They also have a hard time setting boundaries and can be easily manipulated.
Chronic Self-Blame: Adult Children Of Narcissists
Self-blame is a prevalent issue for adult children of narcissists. We tend to blame ourselves for not being able to “fix” our parents or for not being able to prevent the abuse.
We also tend to blame ourselves for the problems in our own lives, even when they are not related to our upbringing.
This self-blame can be very destructive and can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and worthlessness.
Some of the reasons why we blame ourselves so much include:
- We were taught that it was our responsibility to take care of our parents and make them happy.
- We were taught that we are responsible for everything that goes wrong in our lives.
- We were never allowed to express our feelings or talk about what happened to us.
Insecure Attachment: Adult Children Of Narcissists
Insecure attachment is a term used in psychology to describe an unstable and unpredictable emotional bond.
It is most commonly seen in children who have experienced neglect or abuse, but it can also develop in adults who have had complicated relationships with their parents.
People with insecure attachment styles often struggle with trust and intimacy.
They may find it hard to form close relationships, and when they do, they are often plagued by doubts and fears that the other person will leave them.
They may also be susceptible to criticism or rejection and react strongly to perceived slights.
People with insecure attachment styles are also more likely to experience anxiety and depression.
This may be partly because these individuals are more prone to rumination or dwelling on negative thoughts about themselves and their relationships.
Always on Edge: Adult Children Of Narcissists
When one’s parent is a narcissist, the child is always on edge. They are never sure when their parent will lash out or what will set them off. This can lead to a lot of anxiety and insecurity in the child.
Children of narcissists often struggle with low self-esteem. They may feel like they can never do anything right in their parent’s eyes. This can lead to a lot of self-doubt and insecurity.
Many children of narcissists also struggle with relationships as adults. They may have difficulty trusting others and may be very sensitive to criticism. This can make it difficult for them to form close relationships with others.
How to deal with a narcissistic parent as an adult
As adults, it can be challenging to deal with a narcissistic parent. They may dismiss your accomplishments, put you down, or make you feel like you can never please them.
Here are a few tips for dealing with a narcissistic parent:
- Set boundaries. You need to be firm and set boundaries with a narcissistic parent. This means that you should not tolerate any verbal abuse, and you should stick to your guns when it comes to decisions you make about your life.
- Don’t take their criticisms personally. A narcissistic parent is often very critical, but it’s essential not to take their comments personally. Remember that they are just trying to control you and make themselves feel better.
- Seek support from friends and family. It can be helpful to have people who understand what you’re going through and can offer help.
Other Measures You Can Take
Accept What They Are & Let Them Go: Adult Children Of Narcissists
It can be challenging to deal with a narcissistic parent as an adult. They may have never seen you as an individual, separate from themselves. As a result, they may have always tried to control you and your life.
It is important to remember that you are not responsible for their feelings or behavior. You can accept them for who they are and let them go.
This doesn’t mean that you have to cut them out of your life entirely, but it does mean that you need to set boundaries.
You can tell them what you will and will not tolerate and what is off-limits. If they cross those boundaries, be prepared to enforce them.
Ultimately, it is up to you whether or not you want to maintain a relationship with a narcissistic parent.
Resist Gaslighting Attempts: Adult Children Of Narcissists
Most people know what gaslighting is, even if they haven’t heard it before.
It’s a technique of manipulation that anyone with narcissistic tendencies can use, and it’s very effective in eroding the victim’s self-esteem and confidence.
Gaslighting is when the abuser makes constant, small criticisms and accusations of making the victim doubt their memory, perception, and sanity.
If you’re dealing with a narcissistic parent as an adult, it can be challenging to resist the gaslighting attempts. But it’s important to remember that you’re not crazy, and you haven’t done anything wrong.
Develop Confidence & Self-Worth: Adult Children Of Narcissists
If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, you might have difficulty developing confidence and self-worth.
A narcissistic parent is often unable to provide the emotional support needed for a child to thrive.
As an adult, it’s essential to learn how to deal with a narcissistic parent to build self-confidence.
You could do several things to develop confidence and self-worth even if your parent was narcissistic.
- First, make time for yourself. Spend time doing something you enjoy and that makes you feel good about yourself.
- Secondly, surround yourself with positive people who will support and encourage you.
- Lastly, don’t be afraid to ask for help when needed.
Many people are willing to help, but you have to be willing to ask for their assistance.
Be Transparent With Your Plans: Adult Children Of Narcissists
There are a lot of things in life that are difficult to deal with, but one of the most challenging maybe when you have to deal with a narcissistic parent as an adult.
It can be tough to navigate through life when you have to worry about what your parent will think or say about everything you do.
If you’re able to be transparent with your plans, it can help make the situation a little bit easier.
Moving on from a narcissistic parent
It can be challenging to move on from a narcissistic parent. They may have been a central part of your life for years, and you may feel like you can’t survive without them. But it is possible to build a new life without them.
The first step is to accept that your relationship with your parent is unhealthy and damaging. You need to stop expecting them to change and accept them for who they are.
This doesn’t mean that you have to forgive them for the hurt they’ve caused you, but it does mean that you need to let go of the anger and resentment you’re holding onto.
Next, start focusing on yourself. Build a support system of friends and family who will help you through this process. Spend time doing things that make you happy and that make you feel good about yourself.
Let Them Age In Misery: Adult Children Of Narcissists
Your narcissistic parent deserves to age in misery. After all, they made your life a living hell. They were never there for you, always putting their own needs first.
They criticized and controlled you, making you feel like you could never do anything right. And now that they’re getting older, they’re even more demanding and needy.
They constantly complain about their health and how no one takes care of them. But the truth is, they’re just looking for attention.
They don’t want anyone to feel sorry for them – they want everyone to do what they say. So let them stew in their self-pity. Let them suffer the consequences of their actions. Let them age in misery.
You Owe Your Narcissistic Parent Nothing: Adult Children Of Narcissists
Narcissistic parents often put their children in difficult, if not impossible, positions. They may demand that their children meet unreasonable academic or behavioral standards, praise them lavishly one minute and criticize them harshly the next, or require their children to take care of them instead of the other way around.
For adult children of narcissistic parents, it can be challenging to know what is expected of them and how to please a parent who seems to want nothing more than to be in control.
It can be tempting to try to please a narcissistic parent or do whatever is asked of you to win their approval. However, this is a losing battle because narcissistic parents are never satisfied.
You do not owe your narcissistic parent anything. You are an adult, and you can make your own decisions. You do not have to please them or take care of them.
Let them leave lonely, old, and miserable being who they are.
Seek Therapy If Need Be
If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, seeking therapy may be one of the best decisions you can make for your mental health.
A therapist can help you understand and cope with the effects of growing up with a narcissistic parent.
They can provide support and guidance as you work through your feelings and rebuild your life.
Sign up for online therapy with my link and get 20% off your first month’s session.
Adult children of narcissists need to take care of themselves first and foremost.
This means setting boundaries with the narcissistic parent and not allowing them to manipulate you emotionally.
It also means taking time for yourself to relax and de-stress and reaching out to others for support.
Finally, it’s important to remember that you are not responsible for the narcissist’s behavior and can’t change them.
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