13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do Book Review by Amy Morin
“To all who strive to become better today than they were yesterday.” – Amy Morin
If life has taught me anything, it is this…many people are hurt, broken and cruel individuals. The saying, “hurt people hurt” is as accurate today as it was when it was first spoken.
Life…is a cruel bastard.
It continually places negative people on our paths, under the guise of them wanting to be friends or lovers and use these people to turn our lives upside down.
Narcissists are some of these people.
For many people, after being with a narcissistic person, their whole worlds are changed for the worst. People who were once bright rays of sunshine, joy, and optimism, now after being with a narc become dark clouds of despair and grief.
Nothing makes a narcissistic person, or just negative people, happier than but to destroy a life. To weaken a person to the point that they no longer see the purpose of fulfilling their dreams, accomplishing their goals, finding love, or improving themselves overall is a wet-dream for many of these nutjobs.
To BREAK a person emotionally, spiritually, or mentally is their goal.
When a person is broken mentally, they become what I like to “Broken Empaths,” people who fully and completely become puppets of the narc.
I do believe that the greatest revenge is to NOT get back at the narc but to remain and improve upon who you are.
Narcissists are weak cowards (this is not a polemical statement) who will never develop the mental fortitude to acknowledge the wrongs that they have done.
Nor will they ever develop the mental fortitude to develop character. To them, everything is image.
By developing a stronger mental barrier, you not only defend yourself from their unwanted and petty antics…but you also help to heal yourself.
In the book, (pick up the book here 👉) “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do,” the author Amy Morin lays out 13 things that mentally strong people don’t do.
What I loved about this book, and her (she is a therapist) is that developing a strong mind is not something that is an esoteric quality or trait to certain people.
Instead, it is a way of thinking that can be CULTIVATED overtime.
Amy Morin gives her own story of how at the age of 23, she lost her mother to a brain aneurysm. This, of course, affected her deeply. About three years later, she would lose her husband when he was only 26 years old, from a HEART ATTACK.
I really can’t do her story any justice. She does a great job of telling what she went through.
As a therapist, she had people she had to help, and sitting home not only led to further depression, but it was also not paying the bills.
During these hard times, she started to learn things about mental strength and thus wrote the book I am reviewing.
Amy Morin does a great job at first helping the reader to identify negative qualities they may have picked up but then give stories and solutions as to how that person can develop the mental strength qualities.
The best revenge, as many mentally strong people would say, is to live your life happy without the negative person in it.
And although it may sound very challenging in the beginning, as you continue to cultivate the skills to become stronger, it does get better over time.
13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do: The 13 Things
1 – They Don’t WASTE TIME Feeling Sorry For Themselves
“Bad things happen to good people.“
This is a sad truth that we must live with. It sucks that you can love someone and to have them THROW YOUR LOVE AWAY.
Now, this particular book does not talk about narcissism; however, the chapters can be used for those of us who are trying to heal and become stronger.
Feeling sorry for ourselves is a GREAT INJUSTICE to ourselves.
This is NOT to undermine the pain that we have been through. Feel the pain. Experience the hurt. BUT MOVE ON FROM IT.
Feeling sorry for ourselves does not make life easier; it makes it harder.
Always feeling like the victim (#IMNOTAVICITIM) is what negative people want us to feel like.
By not feeling sorry for yourself, you are no longer a victim, you become…A HERO.
2 – They Don’t Give Away Their Power
This chapter was perhaps one of my favorites.
How much time do you spend thinking about the narc? Now, how much time do you actually have to be around the narc?
This chapter may be suitable for people who have separated from the narc.
There are many of us, myself included, whom after leaving the narc and never actually having to see them again, STILL LET THEM OCCUPY OUR THOUGHTS.
Yes, it can be extremely frustrating getting over the looney toon insane nonsense they put us through.
But when we think about them, ruminate over them, and loathe them, we give them power.
What we show them is this:
“Despite you NOT being in my life, you still have so much control over me.”
And to a narcissistic person, this is a dream come true. They love having control over people.
Learning to detach yourself is not easy, but it is a skill that will help you develop the mental strength you will need to become happier and to heal and move forward finally.
3 – They Don’t Shy Away From Change
This is going to hit some of you in the gut, so prepare yourself.
You still WANT THEM!
Yes! I know that hurts. The truth hurts.
But this is a hard pill that you have to swallow. Your desire to have them be like they were, in the beginning, is one reason you are still hurt and mentally weak.
Nor do you want a new lover or a new life. You want that FAKE person they pretended to be.
To live a happier life and to move forward with your life, you have to embrace change.
You don’t have to run gun-ho into a new relationship, but you HAVE TO move on and be willing to change your lifestyle.
4 – They Don’t Focus On Things They Can’t Change
Yet another favorite chapter of mines. Focusing on things WE HAVE NO POWER OVER or cannot change…DRAINS THE HECK OUT OF US.
It is not a sign of weakness to not fight for something that will not change…it is a sign of WISDOM!
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
5 – They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone
This may be one of the major reasons that so many of us had stayed with the narc for so long.
The desire to please them and make them happy.
IT IS NOT OUR JOB TO MAKE OTHERS HAPPY.
IT IS NOT OUR JOB TO MAKE OTHERS FEEL WORTHWHILE.
It is a shame that they may have had a bad childhood, but…
HOW IS THAT OUR FAULT?
We are not the ones who cut them, so why do we need to be the ones they bleed all over?
6 – They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risk
This chapter is more so for people trying to build a business. But I think you can still earn something from it if you are working in a TOXIC WORK ENVIRONMENT.
You may feel like you need the job, but if you have a passion for something outside of that, then consider taking the calculated risk of finding a way of making your passion your job.
We get one chance at life, and working a 9 to 5 hellish job will rob you of this gift.
7 – They Don’t Dwell On The Past
It can be extremely challenging LIVING in the present. Heck, chasing the future can be difficult when your gaze is on the past.
We have all been made fools at some moment in time. But what successful, happy, and mentally strong people do is not dwell on them.
They didn’t make mistakes…THEY LEARN LESSON.
You, too, have to learn how to shift your thinking. You didn’t make a mistake in loving them or for being with them.
What you made was a “MUSTAKE.”
This being a mistake that MUST HAVE HAD TO HAPPEN to help you learn and grow into a more AMAZING PERSON.
8 – They Don’t Make The Same Mistakes Over and Over
The biggest mistake that we can ever do, is not learn from the previous mistake.
9 – They Don’t Resent Other Peoples Success
I LOVE THIS!
I don’t understand jealousy.
Really, I genuinely don’t.
This idea of “keeping up with the Joneses” is ridiculous to me. And Amy tells a fantastic story of a family, a father in particular, who tried keeping up with the Joneses, which only caused him grief.
The moment he stopped doing that (resenting and comparing) and spent more time with his family…HE BECAME HAPPIER.
Life is not a race; it is a marathon. And as long as you get to YOUR destination…you have succeeded.
10 – They Don’t Give Up After The First Failure
A personal favorite of mines.
I consider myself a GREAT FAILURE…
And that is precisely why I succeed in my goals.
Developing the “Never Quit” mentality has helped me stick with things when others would have given up. And as a result, I have done things others didn’t and do things others can’t.
Persistence is KEY to be happy in life.
It is massively important to NEVER give up on yourself, dreams, or goals.
11 – They Don’t Fear Alone Time
We all need some “Me Time” in life. Learning to get to know yourself and be comfortable with who you are will significantly help to boost your self-esteem.
12 – They Don’t Feel The World Owes Them Anything
Yet, another great chapter.
We are living in a very entitled era. And this is especially true because we are now becoming more aware of how many narcissistic people are out there.
These people are always hurt and angry because, in their entitled minds, they just expect others to give them stuff. They expect others to worship them for their mediocrity.
Knowing that you are your own rescue and that NOBODY is going to save you or rescue you from your hurt is a GREAT truth that will help you heal.
When you see yourself as the means to your healing and not someone on the outside to heal you, your pain will start to fade away.
13 – They Don’t Expect Immediate Results
Nothing comes easy. And nothing happens overnight.
Develop A Strong Mind
Feeling like a victim and being mentally weak is what negative people want. They want us to feel like we are not good enough so that they can better control us.
The stronger your mind, the harder it is for you to control.
Weak minds are easily led to believe anything…look at the flying monkeys.
You may have done NOTHING to them, but hey hate you with a passion.
Because their narc master has told them to.
They don’t know how to think for themselves.
I highly recommend that you give this book a read.
When you become mentally strong, you will be your best self, have the courage to do what’s right, and develop a true comfort with who you are and what you are capable of achieving. – Amy Morin
Struggling With C-PTSD?
I often say that living with a narcissist is like living in a war zone! This comparison may very well seem hyperbolic, but research has shown that living around narcissists can have the same effects on a person’s mind as people living in a war zone!
I wrote an article describing the “10+ Mental Illnesses Caused By Staying With Narcissists“.
These people are monsters, plain and simple.
If you are struggling with emotional flashbacks, dealing with mental and emotional battles that NO ONE but yourself seems to see and feel, and if you find it hard to get out of bed every day, you may be dealing with C-PTSD.
As great as support groups may be, or as profound as articles can be, they are no substitute for professional help.
Sometimes the best way to heal and move forward is with therapy.
Speaking with someone and getting the hurt off your chest is a great way to unload.
Online Therapy is a site that offers visitors the chance to speak with professional therapists who will be able to help you get through your emotional and psychological battles.
If you sign up with my link, you can get 20% off your first month’s session.